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His presence presses in towards me until he’s almost pressed up against my front and I hold my breath, heart hammering in my chest as I wait to see what he’s going to do. I feel his fingers gently graze over my cheek, his aura assaulted with rapid fire thoughts and emotions that seem to smash into him one after the other. They flick through so quickly, I can’t pin one down, before he abruptly drops his hand and spins in place.
“Is that all?” Nic’s voice is sharp and deadly. So cold the bite of it isn’t felt until moments later, the injury frostbitten by the pure ice in it. His accent is thick and untamed.
Alan seems to hesitate as he takes us in before he sighs deeply and contemplatively, the shuffle of his hands running through his hair like he’s prone to do, before he finally speaks. “Yes, that’s it.”
“Well if so…” Nic doesn’t just trail off, he lets the words lead Alan to where he wants him. The door.
“I’ll-” Alan cuts off before I hear his steps head towards the door. “I’ll keep you updated when I can.”
My heart seems to twist in my chest, pulsating and tightening painfully as I hear the door first open, then close behind him. I almost stop him, almost call out to him and demand to know what’s going on, but I hold back.
I love Alan. I want to say like a father, because he’s the closest thing I’ve had for many years now, but even parents–or parent figures–aren’t immune to my suspicion and skepticism these days. I’d be an idiot not to hold back for now.
As much as it hurts me, kills me, to let him go–it seems the only people I can trust right now are standing in this room.
Or sitting in a care center.
I think it might be time to pay my nana another visit.
The air in the living room is heavy and oppressive as we’re all left standing in the wake of Alan’s exit. The weight of his possible betrayal–his secrets–is stifling and painful. No one wants to be the first person to break it, to give voice to the obvious turmoil we’re all left in. Least of all, Nic–the most loyal and outspoken in his defense of Alan–who’s now shaken by the possibility of lies and deceit.
Gizmo and Snitch squeak uncomfortably from the floor, their little claws digging through the fabric of my jeans as they grasp onto me, their receptive little auras thrown by the unease they can both feel. Pulling my hand from Ezra’s, I reach down and open my arms, letting them both climb into my hold and wrap their little bodies around my shoulders and head.
“Izabella?” I stand with Gizmo and Snitch, angling my head up towards Nic, though I know he still isn’t looking at me.
“Yes?” My tone is quiet, soothing in a way, as I try to tame the beast I feel trying to burst from the seams of Nic’s psyche.
“Did you…?” He grunts as if struggling to actually acknowledge the thoughts or questions he has. But I can see them clearly, though he won’t like my answer.
“He was unreadable. I have no idea.” I shake my head to affirm the words leaving my mouth, turning and reseating myself on the couch. Ezra and Kai quickly return to their places beside me as I brush my fingers through Gizmo and Snitch’s fur absentmindedly. “He seemed to be…I don’t know how to explain it. He was, like, succumbing to his emotions, letting them take over. When people are too emotional, their thought processes are unable to be followed. I couldn’t get anything from him.”
Nic’s quiet for a moment, contemplative, and as much as I’m grateful for the significance of him joining us physically while Alan was here, I know it’s painful to him to have to do it. If there’s anyone in the world that loves Alan as much as me, it’s Nic. So his choice was monumental in an indescribable way.
“It seems as though your argument did hold some worth.” He doesn’t offer anything past that, and I don’t ask him to. That’s probably the closest he will ever come to saying that he’s sorry or that I was right for once. But I get no satisfaction from it, just a heavier heart. Because I don’t want to be right, not like this.
So I simply hum in response, letting him know that I heard him, but I won’t hold it against him.
“So what do we do now?” Kai, my delightful little jokester, is solemn and not at all himself. Like this entire situation has sapped him of his humor. I can’t let that happen. Not when I need it so much.
“I don’t know. Ever had a gangbang?” Stunned silence meets my question, and I hold my face straight and serious the best I can.
One beat. Two beats.
Then Kai explodes with laughter, his aura flashing with amusement, and I join him. Letting my giggles burst from my throat, through the pain and regret, I let it try to soothe my inner turmoil. Ezra joins us, his chuckles vibrating deeply against my side as his arm curls around my shoulders, engulfing me in his size and comfort. I swear I even hear Nic let out just a tiny snort, birthed by the humor of the moment, and with that small sound, my soul becomes just a hint lighter.
When the amusement fades, we’re all just a little bit healed, a smidge more settled. And I, for just one split second, feel just a miniscule dose of pride, knowing I helped do that. I made them all feel slightly better. Even for just a moment. A fleeting tick of time amidst infinite eternity.
At least I did that.
“But really,” Kai finally speaks again, though now I feel more prepared, stronger, and ready to face it all. We all do. “What are we going to do now?”
“We solve the case,” I announce simply, snuggling my face against Gizmo as Snitch climbs to Ezra’s lap.
“Just…solve the case. Gotcha,” Kai says flatly, but his joyful nature flairs beneath the words, and I know he’s teasing.
“I’m serious. The department just lost its four best detectives, we made that place what it is. I don’t think they’re going to get anywhere without us. We’ll just have to do it ourselves. And now that we’re all on the same page, we might actually get somewhere. Especially since…you know.” I trail off, not needing to voice the fact that there definitely is someone in the department that’s going to continue mucking up any progress they could possibly make.
My logic is sound. There’s no arguing with it.
