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“I’m sorry, Squeaks.” His rejection is what breaks the last of my defenses and tears start to stream down my face, a strange keening sound leaving me as I try to hold back the sobs burning my throat. Ezra’s large arms wrap me up, pulling me tightly to his chest and I bury my face in his shirt, grabbing onto him for dear life.
Ezra comforts me in the way I know only he can. Maybe it’s because he’s earned my trust in a way. He tells it exactly like it is, but will also still support me in my decisions or feelings regardless of how stupid I’m being. He takes me as I am and loves me for all of my faults. Not in spite of them, but because of them.
I don’t know what I did to deserve his devotion or care. Maybe I was a better person in a past life or something, but the selfish part of me won’t examine it too closely. It wants to keep him. Because onlyhecan soothe me in moments like this.
If anyone asked me why this hurts so much to know, I wouldn’t be able to tell them. But it does.
For years I’ve built up this idolization–this almost worshiping perception–of the man my dad was. He was a brilliant father, a supportive one, a loving one. When I lost him, I lost so many parts of myself, that I knew I would never be whole again.
Over time, my hatred for my mother and for people and life in general grew and festered, but I had one thing to hold on to: the memory of my dad. It fed me hope and kept me moving forward. His memory alone has been a solid support system even though the man himself has been gone for ages.
I can’t afford for anything to steal that away.
I have a long list of things I hate in this world. Rapists, abusers, and murderers; just to name a few. Sitting pretty high on that list are cheaters. They don’t just hurt people, they destroy them. They take the trust and love gifted to them and heartlessly shatter it, leaving behind a shell of a person when they’re done.
If my dad was an adulterer…well, that might be a blow that not even I can take.
12
“Idon’t believe it! It’s not him. There has to be some sort of explanation.” I finally pull away from Ezra, just slightly embarrassed about having a breakdown in front of them. I’ve gone years without crying on anyone’s shoulder and it feels like it’s been happening more and more lately.
I’m spiraling.
Grabbing Ezra’s arm, I use the warmth of his skin to steady me as I turn back to Kai and Nic. When Gizmo and Snitch bound up to me and squeak, I bend just enough to give them head scratches and a couple strips of beef jerky from my pocket. My poor babies have been through a lot too. I need to have some good ole fashioned play time with them soon. Or maybe buy them a couple new toys or something. Their birthdays are coming up soon.
“I’m sorry, baby. I know you don’t want to believe it, but we’re looking directly at the proof right now.” Kai’s aura flashes with sympathy and concern, but he stands his ground. That’s okay. I won’t hold it against him.
I pull Ezra along with me as I crowd the other two, feeling out with my free hand to grab the photo. “If only I could…”
Flashes of the top of a woman’s head fill my mind, black leather peeking out from beneath the long, brown strands cascading down her back. I gasp, jumping in place and the woman’s actions echo my own. Turning my head up and around slowly, I watch as she does the same, and her face–my face–complete with sunglasses and the edging of scars around her eyes is revealed.
Then the vision disappears and fades to black.
“What the fuck was that?!” I squeak out, my body seemingly numb yet zipping with adrenaline all at the same time.
“What was what?” Kai questions, curiosity overflowing from his aura as he steps closer to me.
“I- I- I don’t know. I was…” I gently move my arms around up in the direction of where I thought I saw myself looking at…me from. This is all just a little disorientating.
My fingers meet the coarse strands of Ezra’s well-kempt beard around his mouth. He says nothing and my hand shakes as it explores his face, my mind whirling with the possibilities of what just happened.
“I saw through your eyes…” I mumble, letting my hands fall and search out his own. Lacing my fingers through his large ones, I grasp on tightly. “How is that possible? How did I do it?”
“Concentrate, Squeaks. Be open.” Ezra’s voice, for once, isn’t a cadence of calm and deliberate tones, it holds an edge of excitement and his aura flairs to reveal the accuracy of my assumption. My heart starts to race as his anticipation leaks into me and I could simply kiss him just for immediately supporting what I thought I saw.
I’m suddenly looking at my face again, my full lips pulled up in a small smile that quickly stretches to split my face in half. “I’m doing it! I’m doing it! Holy shit!”
My face moves with every word I speak, right on cue. There is no lag, no echo. It isn’t an outline or a simple collection of my own assumptions on what’s going on. Right there, through Ezra’s eyes, it plays like a movie in real time.
No, it’s real life.
Through him, I can actually, finally, one hundred percentsee.
Kai’s angled features pop up right next to my own face, his eyes narrowed in concentration as he looks from my face to Ezra’s. “What? What are you doing? You can see? See what?”
My head starts to take on an ache that I recognize as over taxing my abilities and I feel as well as see the frown settle on my features. “I can see you. I can see myself. Through Ezra’s eyes. I can see it all. But it’s taking a lot out of me.”
Kai’s face jerks to a stop as he gazes straight into Ezra’s, a wide grin lighting up his features, chocolate brown eyes shining in excitement. “So you can see me?”
