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“Oh, okay. About what?” Confusion pulses from his vibrations, a thin thread of anxiety weaved into their steady beat.
I struggle to speak, opening and closing my mouth about ten times as frustration and self doubt try to drag me under. He simply waits patiently in front of me–letting me gather myself–his thoughts uncertain and curious.
“I-” I cut off with a growl before stepping closer to him, shoving at his chest as my frustration builds. Frustration not only at the situation, but at myself, because I have no idea how to do things like this. I have no idea how to handlefeelings.
“What was that for?” Kai stands shellshocked, stepping backwards out of my reach.
“That,” I step closer, shoving at his chest again. “Is for letting me believe the absolute worst of you!”
“What?” He steps back as I shove him again.
“You stupid, stupid man!”
“Woah!” He grabs my hands and holds them firmly when I try to shove him more violently this time. “What are you talking about?”
“You! You just let me believe you were some kind of man whore! You let me think I was nothing more than another conquest for you!” I struggle against his grip, my eyes burning and throat closing.
“Hey now. No, I didn’t!” I pull and push at him more frantically as my heart continues to rise in pace, but his hold on me is unrelenting and I can do nothing more than wiggle in his hands like a toddler being restrained during a meltdown.
“Yes, you did! You know all about the rumors at the office, you…you…you flirt!” I’m scrambling now. I might resort to anger when I’m feeling vulnerable, but I know deep down, that’s not what’s fueling me.
“Wick, calm down! Let’s just talk about this calmly.”
“I-” I go still, my struggles useless, my emotions like a tornado of needles wreaking havoc within me.
“I’ve stated from the very beginning what my intentions are. It’s not my fault that you chose not to believe me.” His voice is a complex and confusing mixture of hardness, determination, softness, and understanding. “You never tried to actually get to know me.”
Great. Now I’m being chastised by Nana two point O.
“I know I didn’t! But you knew who I was, you should have told me. I shouldn’t have had to hear it from my nana!” He lets go of my hands, now confident that I’m not going to swing at him again. He moves one hand around my back, cradling my face with the other as I grab two fistfuls of his shirt and he pulls me flush against him.
“I’m not perfect, Izabella.”
“I know you aren’t, but you’re closer than I am.”
“You truly have no idea how I see you, do you?” His forehead presses gently against mine, making my chest swell and feel impossibly full.
“No. I don’t.”
“Thenlook.”
I swallow noisily, my heartbeat so loud it’s audible to the human ear. “I’m scared.”
“Then be brave. Do it for me.” His grip on me tightens, his hand moving to grab a handful of my hair, urging me to do as he says.
“You can’t open and close like Ezra. I may see things that you might not want me to see.”
“I have nothing to hide from you, Izabella. Everything Iwas,am, orwill be…is yours. All you have to do is take it.”
So, I do.
Focusing on his aura, I ignore the surface and dive straight into the depths of Kai Zhao. Unlike Ezra, who is the epitome ofstill waters running deep, Kai is a flurry of movement and thrashing waves. Unimaginably deep, just protected by a storm of brightness and humor. His waters are dark and unnerving, but I barely hesitate before swimming into the inky abyss. Memories and thoughts reach towards me like millions of ghostly, impatient hands, each one trying to drag me under and show me their truths.
I pick one at random.
“Kai-Kai!” A little girl barrels towards Kai as he opens the door, slamming into his chest with a squeal as he spins her around before depositing his backpack at their feet. “I missed you so much! When do I get to go to school like you?!”
“Nali, I’ve told you before, not for a couple more years. You’re still just a squirt. Far too stupid for such big girl things!” If the girl takes any offense to his teasing, she doesn’t show it, instead she sticks out her tongue before kicking him in the shin.
