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“Let’s start with breaking and entering and go from there, shall we?”
“Is this a joke? What did we break into?”
“The precinct for one! You’re not officially employed by the state anymore, or have you forgotten? And don’t think I don’t know about your last little excursion here, we could add tampering with evidence and official records. We have the footage.” Alan speaks as if he isn’t committing the ultimate betrayal, like he’s listing off a grocery list. But his vibrations? They’re practically filling the room with an explosion of chaos and unrestrained emotional weaponry.
“Seems awfully convenient, doesn’t it, guys? Two steps from breaking the case, and we get detained on bullshit charges that won’t even hold up in court.” Venom drips from my tone, my body shaking with the effort to remain standing in place and not act on the disgust and betrayal surging through me.
“What exactly are you insinuating?”
Grabbing the hand closest to me, I channel our connection to see. Nic’s eyes are already zeroed in on Alan, making it easy for me to see how haggard and worn down he looks. Like he’s aged a thousand years in the past few months. Not at all like the stately, put together man I know him to be.
“I don’t know, Chief. Did your car accident cause some brain damage or have you always been this slow?” I sneer at him, done with this. Done with everything. “Oh wait. That’s right. You didn’t actually get in a car wreck, did you? Must be God given stupidity then!”
“Wha-”
“Yeah, we know you lied about that. We know you haven’t been coming into the office either. We also know that your whereabouts on every night of the attacks can’t be accounted for. So, tell me, chief: are you the stalker, or are you just working with him?”
33
Alan steps back as if struck, his vibrations coming to a full stop, as if he doesn’t even know how he’s feeling. His face drops, his features twisting
“Am I…” He struggles to speak.
I almost regret everything I’ve said. I almost wish I could take it back. I feel the warmth of tears streaming down my cheeks and I don’t even remember when I started crying. Clutching tightly to Nic’s hand, I step backwards, right into Ezra’s arms where he holds me tightly against his chest. Kai swoops to my left, wiping the tears from my face with a gentle touch.
“I-” Alan cuts off on a choked sob, the sound cutting straight to my soul, eviscerating everything in its path. Alan doesn’t cry. Alan is too strong for that. He clears his throat, notes that the office has gone deadly quiet at our interaction, and turns back to us. “I think it’s time we talk.”
He starts walking away and, after a beat, I move to follow.
I’m ready for some damn answers. Even if I won’t like them.
He leads us to his office and waits until we all file in, Gizmo and Snitch immediately jumping to his desk, before shutting the door and walking to his chair. The area is far messier than I ever recall Alan letting it get, like he stopped giving a shit altogether and has been letting it dissolve into chaos. It could be someone else’s office completely with how out of character it all seems.
“Please, sit down and hear me out. It’s a long story.” He runs his hand through his hair as he removes his gun and holster from his pants and places it on the desk as he sits. Gizmo reaches forward as if to try and steal it, so I whistle to stop him.
I tune in to the guys’ auras to check whether any of them object before I step forward and sit in front of the desk, Nic staying with me and keeping a tight hold on my hand. Kai stays leaning against the wall next to the door and Ezra moves to stand behind where I’m sitting.
“You guys are pretty close now, huh?” Alan tries to paste on a smile, but it quickly falls off his face.
“That’s really none of your business.” I snipe, my tone even, yet short and hard. “Talk.”
“Right. Where do I start?” His gaze wanders to the window, his eyes glossing over as if he’s not really here in the room with us anymore, before he finally snaps back to the present and wipes a hand over his face. “I lied to you, Izzy. You were right. I didn’t get into a wreck that day.”
My heart flips and quickens, my stomach clenching in anticipation. “How did you know how to lie to me?” I don’t know why that’s the first question I ask, but I have to know. I vividly remember probing him to see if I detected any deceit. I didn’t.
“I’ve worked with you for a long time. I just..sort of knew. It doesn’t show up as lying if I block out what I’m saying while I’m saying it. Like reciting words from a textbook. And I took advantage of your obvious emotional distraction with your mom and knew you wouldn’t be looking too closely. I’m sorry for that. Among many other things. I’m sorry.” His head falls into his hands as he props them on the desk in front of him.
“Where were you?” I ignore his apology, betrayal stinging like a wasp attacking my heart. Over and over it continues jabbing me, injecting me with its poison.
“I…” He trails off, his shoulders jerking, and it takes me far longer than I care to admit to realize he’s crying. When he speaks again, his words are laden with anguish, each one forced out by will alone. “Sarah was pregnant and I didn’t know.”
He takes a deep breath, wiping at his face as he sits back and gazes out the window once more. My heart sinks to my feet, my own eyes stinging at the implication behind his past tense usage.
“I had missed calls from that day. A couple from Sarah. I just thought she was trying to get a hold of me about the divorce. I ignored them all.” Tears fall from his eyes, but he barely moves a muscle as he continues. “I only answered the phone when we were on route to your old house, ready to yell at her that I was busy and I’ll talk to her after work. But it wasn’t her, it was the hospital. They wouldn’t tell me what happened until I got there.”
“Jesus.” Kai voices all of our shock, but it’s like he didn’t even speak at all.
“It was a boy. Stillborn.” I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to break again, but those words manage it. Alan had always wanted to be a father. Always.
