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Stepping into their airy and bright living room, Tessa handed her a mug of coffee, made just the way Caroline liked it, and motioned to the couch.
Caroline sat. And waited.
Tess set down her mug, took a deep breath and then cracked. “Where the hell have you been? I got one call with you saying you were okay and then nothing. Where were you all night?”
Caroline sipped her coffee and watched as Tessa went into full overdrive. If she wasn’t so upset about botching things with Josh, she’d be laughing. But instead, all she could hope was that she wouldn’t cry.
“Well? Where were you? Or better, who were you with?”
Caroline mustered her courage and told the truth. To a point. “I was with a guy.”
Tessa froze. “Seriously?”
She nodded. “Yup.”
Scooting next to her on the couch, Tessa reached for her coffee, then quickly pulled her hand away. “Oh, screw the coffee.” She went to the refrigerator and grabbed the Baileys and two glasses. After pouring, she handed one of the tumblers to Caroline and clinked their glasses before proposing a toast. “Here’s to giving it up.”
“What? What do you mean?” How did she know?
“Oh, come on, Caroline. I’ve known you for ten years and you’ve never been out all night with a man. Hell, I can’t remember when you ever seriously dated someone.”
Caroline downed the Baileys and Tess refilled her glass. “I was with someone I knew. I ran into him after work and he kind of rescued me from having to go out with Mark.”
“Mark again? Well props to the guy for running interference, but you didn’t have to sleep with him for that.”
“I know. It started out casual, just dinner at his place. Pizza. A movie. But things kind of developed.”
Tess sat back and smiled. “Was he good? I mean this was your first time, right?”
“I don’t love thinking about that. It’s humiliating.”
“Don’t be embarrassed, but I have to tell you, I’m relieved. I won’t lie. I was kind of getting worried about you. But again... was he good? Was it book-worthy?”
Caroline looked away and thought about Josh, and she could still feel him. Still feel his hands, his kisses. “It was just how you’d want it to be. However many times you’d done it.”
“Wow.” Tessa took a drink. “Are you going to tell me who it is?”
“No. I won’t be seeing him again. At least not like that.”
“Oh, you don’t know that. Maybe you will.”
She’d see him; that was inevitable. It was going to be hell, but she would see him.
Caroline wondered how quickly she could enter a convent. That would be one way to keep from having to deal with the emotional fallout, but she’d have to definitely give up writing. A romance-writing nun? Nope. Not in the cards.
“You’re thinking,” Tessa said. “Stop it. Enjoy the fact that you had great sex. Hell, enjoy the fact that you HAD sex, and let the rest of it go. Channel it into the book you’re working on.”
It was good advice. Sound advice, but Caroline knew that she’d never forget, never be able to let it go. And being rejected? That was going to sting for a while.
Every time she saw Josh, she’d be reminded of what a failure she was.
“I’m going to take a shower and get some sleep. Maybe that will help clear my head.”
Tessa stood and hugged Caroline. “We all have bad experiences with guys. I swear, it’s going to be okay.”
Caroline blew out her breath and couldn’t get past the ball of disgust rolling around in her stomach. She couldn’t even talk about what she was feeling. The utter disappointment in herself for being so socially inept. So presumptuous.
Going into her room, she sat on the bed and tipped over onto the pillows, clutching one in the same way she held onto Josh last night. The first tear ran over her cheek, and then another. Soon, she was softly weeping, the tears soaking her pillow. Caroline didn’t know exactly why she was crying, but she knew there was no way to stop it.
