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“They’re getting feral,” Ugly says, holding another plate out for Alyssa to pile high with pancakes.
I have to smile at my teammate as he looks over his shoulder as if terrified by the hungry people at the picnic tables.
The fun time continues, and I feel my mood lift.
It’s as if I can breathe a little better with Drake gone, but it doesn’t stop me from repeatedly glancing over at the side of the cabin where he disappeared.
Eventually, the rabid crowd is fed, Alyssa smiling at me as she hands me a plate with a couple of pancakes on it.
“Eat,” she urges.
Somehow there are still scrambled eggs and even a couple slices of bacon left, and I do as I’m told, taking a spot beside Shadow and Misty at one of the picnic tables.
I grin around a bite of eggs as I watch Kincaid try to convince his grandson, Jameson, to eat more of his eggs rather than getting distracted by a chipmunk that keeps darting closer, expecting to get fed.
The group is just as present for cleanup as they were in getting everyone fed, and we make quick work of getting everything squared away just in time for Kincaid to declare a group hike.
I’d never heard of Cerberus prior to the phone call I received from Kincaid, but the more he spoke to me about the organization, the more I knew I wanted to be a part of it. I was inspired by the job they did and the people they helped, but more than anything, it was the unity of the group that appealed to me. It had been a very long time since I ever felt a sense of family. Even before I left Utah, I didn’t have anything like I have now.
This man and a handful of his closest friends have created something phenomenal. Even Bishop, one of the newest members who is normally a walking attitude problem, has a small grin on his face as he watches little Jameson dart away from his mom. Hound, Jameson’s dad and Kincaid’s son-in-law, chuckles from deep in his chest, his steps proud and sure even with a wiggly toddler strapped to his back. Amelia, the couple’s oldest child, stays very close to her mother, old enough now to understand that there are things in the woods that could hurt her.
The kids running around are making too much noise for the animals to be brave enough to stick around, but the low-grade climb is still very pleasant. Just like always, there are smaller groups making conversation. Some seem just happy to be getting some exercise, taking deep breaths of the fresh mountain air.
I can’t decide which person I am today. Part of me wants to be carefree, unconcerned about anything I can’t control, but part of me is also stuck on the memory of Drake’s back as he rounded the side of the cabin.
No one has mentioned him, and I know better than to ask where he went or if he’s coming back.
Ugly doesn’t give me knowing looks. He’s too busy showing Stormy something on his phone.
Aro held back at camp with Slick, saying he isn’t quite ready with his prosthetic to climb a mountain, but I’ve seen the man do amazing things in recent weeks. I’m certain he just wanted a little private time with Slick. Their relationship is still in that honeymoon phase where they can’t seem to keep their hands off of each other.
I start to feel like a creep, the way I’m watching and smiling at the families that surround me.
Cerberus, in and of itself, is a family, and I feel like a full-fledged member, but the smaller branches within the organization leave me wanting. I’ve always hoped for a family, wanted it as much as I want to be myself without the regret and guilt. I dreamed of it as a child, prayed to have one just to prove to others that I could love and nurture my kids, give them what they needed rather than being too busy and spread too thin to love them the way they deserved. All of that changed as I started to realize it could never happen for me. I couldn’t be someone I wasn’t long enough to create a family, and I’d never subject a woman to a loveless, sexless marriage.
Being a part of Cerberus is the closest I knew I could get, and I’m grateful to be a part of it.
The hiking trip lasts longer for some. I keep climbing when others start to turn back because convincing an irritated toddler to hold on for just another half an hour to reach the top isn’t plausible.
It’s only adults—myself, Kincaid and Em, Shadow and Misty, Bishop, Stormy, Legacy, and Ugly who make it to the top. We spend a few moments looking out over the forest-covered mountain, taking in the beauty surrounding us before heading back.
