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I needed to let my dad know what happened, but I couldn’t call. I’d break down.
Me: Mom is here in Grant West. She was in my apartment, but she’s out and I’m staying with a friend. I have no idea what she’ll do after. I cannot talk about it or I’m going to lose it. Please do something to get her away from here.
A part of me always wondered when he would decide enough was enough. That I was on my own with her. Every time I sent a text like this, like when I was eleven and bleeding in my room and I had to text the dad who hated me, when I asked for help–I expected him not to respond.
Cruz pulled up to the twenty-four-seven grocery store.
“What are we doing here?”
He shut the engine off and turned to me. “Well. I figure if we go back to the house, you’re going to break down and then you’re going to hate that you broke down. And I’m hungry, but I know you have a real aversion to anything date-like, so I figured let’s take a stroll through the grocery store. I get my food. You won’t break down and it’s not a date at all. Win, win, and win.”
He gave me a smirk, got out of the truck, and started for the store.
My phone buzzed.
Dad: I’ll handle it. I do want to talk about this apartment because that’s news to me but have a restful night with your friend. We’ll talk tomorrow. Love you, honey.
He still replied. He was still helping.
I felt a weight lift from my shoulders.
She hadn’t been able to take him from me.
27
MARA
I first woke when Cruz got up for his morning practice. The bed moved. I heard him dressing.
I was back to sleep by the time he went out the door.
The second time I woke was to the shower.
Rolling over, I noted the bathroom door was open a crack. Light was shining out. The water was running.
God.
Everything came back to me, and I was exactly somewhere I never wanted to be, hiding out in my not-friend/friend-with-benefits/now-who-knew-what-we-were’s bed because my mom had officially made her appearance back in my life.
It’d been a nice few months off.
My phone was blinking so I reached over, snagged it, and laid on my back as I went through my notifications.
A text from my dad.
Dad: Got her to come back to Fallen Crest. I think she’ll leave you alone. We need to have a talk, though. Love you, sweetie.
Me: Thanks, Dad.
The relief was palpable. I had nothing else to give, to say. She did what she always did. She’d ransacked my insides. A part of me wanted to go to her, beg for her forgiveness. Another part knew that was pointless because she’d never stop. Ever. She needed attention and I had no more to give her. Attention, energy, sympathy. I didn’t even know if there was a difference, she just needed it.
Now there was the other part, the aftermath part. Where I felt guilty for just being. Being present. Being alive. I didn’t understand it, but I felt it. Every time. If someone could’ve explained why I felt this after seeing her, I’d love to know. I just knew I felt it, and I’d carry it until I could either drink or fuck it out of me.
So far, last night, I had done neither.
I eyed Cruz, who was coming from the bathroom.
He eyed me back, padding barefoot over to the bed. He sat, bending down to pull some socks on. “Hey.”
I sighed, not going through the rest of my phone. “Hey.”
He glanced to the phone, then to the clock on his nightstand. “Bunch of us are heading to campus for breakfast. Interested in joining?”
I shook my head. “No. Thanks for letting me crash here. I’m going to head back. She left.”
He gave a nod before standing up and disappearing into his closet. He came back out, pulling on a hockey sweatshirt. He returned to his spot, pulling his shoes on. “You sure? You can crash here tonight if you want.”
“She’s gone. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”
He hesitated, then nodded and stood up. “Okay. See you later then?”
He didn’t wait for an answer, going to the door.
“Hey.”
He stopped, looking back.
I scooted up in his bed, pulling the covers with me. “Thank you for last night.”
His eyes flickered, a soft frown showed, but he lifted his chin. “Yeah. No problem.”
He left, and I rolled out of bed, quickly dressing. Cruz drove me here last night, but his house was only a few blocks away. I could walk it and get home in plenty of time to get ready for class. I was hurrying, this time easing out his window.
I’d just dropped down from the stairs to the alley by their house when my phone started ringing.
