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“There should be something. Right? She couldn’t have been bad all the time. What kind of brother am I, that I’m unable to do that? Everyone thinks I’m this easy-going guy. Jokes on them. I think of her and I’m relieved she’s gone. That’s the twisted shit inside me. And Burford went to see Titi yesterday.”
Now it made sense.
Now the dots were connecting.
Now I knew what we were doing here.
I reached over, my hand sliding into his.
“I have no idea how the visit went. I can’t bring myself to call and ask. I don’t want to hear that it went well. That Titi lit up, seeing Burford because of course she would. She’d be so happy, not having any clue that Burford’s the reason she’s half paralyzed. And I know, in my head, I know that’s wrong to think. Sarah crashed the car, for whatever fucking reason, and trust me, some switch flipped in her. Burford’s account, the eyewitness accounts. Even a cop saw it. It was on camera. My sister was driving along. Everything was fine, and you can see in the car that Burford is smiling, laughing at something. She turns around to say something to Titi, and Sarah got this look. She got all hard and vengeful. I know that look. Seen it all my life, almost every day, and she yanked the wheel. She drove head on into a semi. Swear to this day. I can’t shake the feeling that she wanted to kill Burford or Titi that day, but she didn’t realize she might go too. I can’t shake it. Burford walked away with barely a scratch. Semi tried to turn, save them, but because he did, he hit Sarah head-on, and Titi was right behind her.”
He drew in a breath.
“I can’t figure out what I’m pissed about, that Burford wants to make amends? That Titi will love that? Or fuck, because I think that in some way, of both of them making amends, that Sarah’s going to be let off the hook? She did that. She wanted to hurt herself, or Burford, or Titi. They’ll heal and move on and what? No more blame put on Sarah? Fuck that. I know that’s what they’ll do. Burford blames herself, feels bad about the whole thing, but she never knew Sarah for who she really was. Not really. Titi, she’s all good. Sarah was all bad.” He turned my way, his whole face so hard. “I knew how to handle your mom because I grew up handling someone just like her. My own sister got off easy by dying. How fucked am I, that I think that? This is the guy you chose to fuck.” He shook his head, shoving up to his feet. “I can’t–I need some time.” He took off, heading down to the beach.
I let him go, because I understood.
I let out a small sigh and reached for my phone, turning it on.
More texts buzzed through, but I went to my dad’s and hit call.
He picked up right away. “Hey, honey. How are you?”
“If you’re coming to town because something new has happened with Mom, I don’t want to hear it.”
He was quiet on his end, and that told me he was coming because of her.
I’d made my decision. “I’m done, Dad. I’m done with her.”
“Honey. Mara. She’s your mother–”
“No. She’s never been my mother. I have no idea what it’s like to have a mother, but I do know what it was like having a father. I wanted to call and thank you for that.”
“Mara, this doesn’t sound like you. Are you okay? Did something happen?”
I closed my eyes. It’d been so long where it was about me, not her. I smiled to myself, looking down at the towket with a tear in my eye. “Thank you, Dad. But I don’t want to hear about whatever new is going on with her. I’m done.”
I ended the call.
Turned the phone off.
And sat there, watching the ocean waves, waiting for Cruz to come back.
37
CRUZ
My phone was ringing. All my roommates knew I’d taken a beach day, so it wouldn’t be them. Then I looked and had to laugh. “Hey, Mom.”
She was quiet for a second. “You sound upset.”
I didn’t deny it. I didn’t confirm it either.
I gripped the phone tighter. “You sound happy.”
She sniffled. “I am. It was–it was a good day, yesterday. You won both games and…”
I looked down, saying gruffly, “I don’t want to hear about it.”
Her voice got quiet. “Titi was over the moon. I videoed some of it, but she wouldn’t stop smiling when Sabrina came over. She was still beaming this morning. She crashed last night. She was just exhausted, but it was a good day.”
“Mom…”
She kept on, her voice getting a little louder, “Sabrina told me how you’ve been treating her.”
