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“Not. Funny.” I really wish that a sob wasn’t bubbling up in my throat right now. I try and trap it in my throat, but even though it’s nearly wedged shut, the sound still comes out, sounding like an offbeat hiccup.
“Whoa.” Ransom’s eyes widen. “Are you okay?”
“Do you think I’m okay? I’m swearing at you in the form of cheese!” I cross my arms so hard that I can feel my pulse thundering at the juncture of each arm. I wish I could start to explain the emotions running through me and over me like a pack of stampeding cows. Because that would hurt. Cows would hurt. They’re heavy. And big.
Ransom, to his credit, gives me another one over, starting at my toes and sweeping up to my face. “No? I don’t think you’re okay. Do you want to come in, and you can tell me what’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to come in! You…you…you left! You left, and you took your things, and when I knocked on your door last night after texting you a bunch of times without receiving any reply, it was all dark in here. I broke in through the window around the side, and I—”
“You broke in?” A vein nearly pops free from Ransom’s forehead. “Which window? Please tell me it wasn’t one where you could have been hurt.”
“No. No, I wouldn’t have hurt myself. I know I’m pregnant, and I’m not taking any risks.” I’m not petulant or whiny about that because I can see how worried Ransom is. His eyes are currently hovering around my stomach, and he’s chewing on his plump bottom lip. “Your house is stupidly easy to break into. I would have thought that for someone with a lot to hide, you’d want to do a better job hiding it.”
“Yes, well, I guess I’ll have to up security. I think you might be more determined and more talented than even the best burglar, though.”
Gah, I think that’s a compliment. I don’t like how his teeth let go of his lip, and it springs back, cherry red, right where all the blood is flowing. I don’t like how I want to take that lip and suckle it until it’s more of a dark purple before I move on to his tongue, his neck, and rip his shirt off and start in on—ummm, you’re supposed to be telling him off here, not fantasizing about his lovely bod.
“I’m not going to be flattered by that. I’m not! I went searching around, and you’d taken your laptop, your tablet, your phone, and your ID. Plus, the safe was closed, but it wasn’t locked, and it was empty.”
“You found the safe?” Now he’s flabbergasted.
“Duh, who wouldn’t think to look behind the fridge?”
“You moved the fridge?”
“Well, it’s on wheels. It’s not heavy.”
“Oh my god, how well did you search the place?”
Do not feel guilty. Do not feel guilty. Do not feel guilty. “It was a moment of panic, okay?” Damn it, I feel guilty now. “A moment that turned into a few hours.”
Ransom just stares at me. I don’t think he’s mad, but he’s amazed, and he doesn’t know where to go from here, so I need to step up and say what I need to say before things turn into a right hot mess.
“I…I thought you’d left. That you’d gone with your granny and brothers to wherever they were going.” I knew they were leaving, and Ransom was going to the airport to say goodbye, but they didn’t tell me where they were going, and from a force of habit, I knew it had more to do with protecting me than anything, so I didn’t ask, which was dumb because after I thought Ransom was gone, I didn’t even have a clue where he would have gone. “You…you have no idea how I felt when I realized your stuff was gone. Your phone was off. I tried it and tried it, and then I realized it was off. I thought you’d taken the SIM out of it, and that was that. You were gone and done, and I was going to…never see you again.”
There’s no way I’m going to say alone because I would never be alone. I know I’ll always have my dad and the brothers, and I’ll always have my child. There isn’t a but at the end of that, but if there was a but, and I don’t want to put a but onto anything because I feel like it’s wrong, and it diminishes stuff I don’t want to diminish, but if there was a but, it would go something like…But I wouldn’t have Ransom, and I’d always know he’d chosen to leave me. Leave us.
As if I wasn’t worth staying for. Again.
As if we weren’t worth staying for.
As if all the promises he made and the things he said were for nothing.
