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It’s flattering. Of course I’m flattered. I’ve been attracted to R’jaal, my strange, devoted protector, ever since I met him. That’s not the question. I just don’t understand what a parasite has to do with him being my mate. “Explain to me this whole mating thing? I’m still not getting it. How did you know I was yours? Is there some obvious sign I’m missing? A big arrow pointing to me…what?”
“It is the song.”
I wave my hand, indicating he should go on. “Still lost.”
R’jaal presses a fist to the center of his chest. “A khui only sings for its mate. The song is called resonance. We sing to one another, and the song makes us wish to mate with one another.”
The song. His hand over his heart.
Wait…his purring?
I put a hand to his chest, directly where his was, just in case I’m missing something obvious, but the only thing I feel is his ever-present, insistent purring. Come to think of it, it’s a bit like a song after all, with a gentle hum to its cadence that somehow enhances the heartbeat instead of jarring it. “That’s your song? I asked about it and you said it was natural!”
“It is natural. There is nothing more natural than resonance.”
I gape at him. “Are you serious? That’s a total cheat of an answer!”
“I did not want to make you worry too much at once, R’slind. I am protecting you.”
Jerk! I want to scream that I don’t need protecting…but don’t I? Ever since I got here, he’s been protecting me. He’s kept me warm. He’s kept me safe. If it wasn’t for R’jaal, that crazy exile guy would have probably attacked me instead of just spunking on my dinner. I hate that he’s right, because I’ve been an absolute helpless mess ever since I got here, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
I pull my hand from his, trying to ignore his crestfallen expression. He knows he’s fucked up. “I need a moment here.”
“I will wait.” R’jaal’s voice grows soft. “I would wait forever for you, my R’slind.”
“Quit being sexy and devoted,” I fume at him, feeling helpless and frustrated. “I’m pissed and I need to work through my feelings, and being attracted to you isn’t helping me think clearly.”
He brightens. “You think I am sexy and devoted?”
“Of course you’re sexy! Haven’t we been all over each other since we met—” I gasp, my hands flying to my mouth as I realize something else. “Oh my god. Is this why we’ve been so horny? Your purring? Is that why I don’t care that we’ve been making out in front of two perfect strangers?”
R’jaal’s expression immediately darkens. His tail thumps on the ground, as if full of disapproval. “I would not call them perfect.”
His jealousy is so absurd that I burst into laughter. “You know what I mean!”
“I know that I have sung for you since the moment I met you, R’slind.” The look he gives me is earnest and full of longing. “You might not have sung until now, but my khui knew my mate the moment I saw you. I do not regret that. I have done my best to make you comfortable and to protect you, but I will not apologize for resonance. Not when it is everything I have ever wanted. Not when it means that you are mine and I am yours.”
I bury my face in my hands. This is a lot to take in. “I need to process this.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why?” I glance up at him. “Do you think I normally act like a sex-crazed maniac? I’ve been wondering what the hell has been wrong with me for days now and you knew and didn’t say. I thought we were being roofied! I thought I’d been hit on the head! And all this time you knew it was because you were purring at me? You told me to trust you, remember? But how can I trust this?”
He flinches, and I know I’ve struck a nerve.
“You didn’t even ask if I wanted this khui thing.” I give him a hurt look. “You could have prepared me. Do you know how fucking traumatizing that was?”
It feels like I’m kicking a puppy. R’jaal’s expression grows sad, as if he’s disappointed me and hates it. “I thought I was doing best by you, my mate. I only thought of protecting you. My apologies.”
I nod, a knot in my throat. I can’t hate R’jaal because he’s right. I know everything he’s done has been for my sake. Even if I don’t like it, I don’t think he did withhold things out of maliciousness, just because he felt like it was the right thing to do. It’s just that he’s laying so much on me right now that I’m struggling with all of it.
