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“I did not ask about the khui because I was elated we had found one for you,” he continues, his words slow as if he is choosing them carefully. “And I did not ask because you cannot say no, R’slind. Everyone that dwells in this world must have a khui. It is necessary for survival.”
I touch my chest, which is thrumming and vibrating even now. Singing, he calls it. “That’s just it. I don’t know where here is, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to stay. I want to go home.”
I just don’t know where “home” is right now, and that scares me, too. Does this khui thing eat memories, as well? Is that why I can’t remember important things? It doesn’t matter—wherever home is has to be better than these awful, freezing-cold caves.
Well, they’re not freezing cold anymore. They still suck, though.
R’jaal is silent.
“Will you help me take my khui out?” I prompt him.
“It cannot be done. It dwells inside your heart now. To remove it is to cause death. This world is your home now.” His sad expression remains. “I am sorry, R’slind, but your home is with me now.”
“No,” I say calmly, even though I’m starting to panic inside. “Once we get to the surface, I’m going home. I came here in a weird pod, and I’m sure I can get back in that pod and go home. Somehow. I’m not sure how yet, but I know it’s possible. It has to be.”
“R’slind.” His voice is gentle, his expression hesitant. “No one goes home from here.”
“What is this, a black hole?” I laugh nervously. “Of course people go home. I had to get here somehow. It reasons that there’s a way back.”
R’jaal just watches me, his face grim. “I am not trying to hurt you. I would do anything not to hurt you. I am giving you the truth.”
The knot in my throat grows. I get to my feet, my legs wobbly, my chest still purring like an asshole. “Please stop talking to me right now. I don’t want to hear anything else.”
I don’t think I can take anything else.
Eighteen
R’JAAL
I walk a few paces behind R’slind in the tunnels, and my heart is heavy. She is crying, and she has been for some time. She cried as she wiped my seed off her skin with her tunic. She cried when we caught up with the brothers, and she cried harder when one of them commented on how bright her eyes were now.
I feel like the worst of mates, because I am the reason she cries.
I knew she would not be happy with finding out the truth, but I thought if she were safe and healthy and there was no chance of her dying from the lack of a khui, that I could handle it. I protected her because I did not want her to worry…but perhaps I should not have. Perhaps I should have told her the truth from the first day.
All I wanted was to make things easy for her.
She sniffs as she walks, swiping at her cheeks, and her devastation tears at my heart. I do not know how to fix this. I want to have answers for her, or something to say that would give her hope. It bothers me that I do not. I should have thought about how upset R’slind would be at realizing she is stranded here. Did the other hyoo-mans not weep copious tears when they found out their planet was destroyed?
I…I have not told her that part. She hates me, and yet I wonder if I should run up and tell her anyhow. There are so many things I know that she does not, and I do not want her to think I am keeping things from her. A good mate does not hoard secrets.
Yet I do not think racing up to her and announcing the doom of her world is a good idea, either. Not when she is already upset. I do not know when it would be a good time to tell someone their planet has been destroyed, and I agonize over this.
“Not much farther,” Set’nef says to us.
“To the surface?” R’slind asks. When they give her blank looks, she gestures above her head. “Outside? Where it’s cold?” She mock-shivers.
“Not outside,” Set’nef replies. “We are almost to the oracle. It is just down this tunnel, and then we climb once more.”
Climb? Again? This time I will carry R’slind. She yet carries the scent of my seed—and her arousal—on her skin. Her chest sings to mine.
I do not care if she is furious—no one is touching her but me.
As if we are in silent agreement, R’slind turns to me and gives me a worried look. I nod at her. “I will carry you.”
“I wasn’t asking.”
“I know. I am not offering. I am telling you that I will carry you.”
