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The sun caught her eyes as she stared at me with great concern. Noelle had never looked more beautiful. Her brown hair was longer than I remembered. I yearned to run my hand through it. Not to mention, the fucking tank top she’d put on left nothing to the imagination. Is she trying to kill me? I’d hoped not to feel so attracted to her during this trip. That would’ve made everything easier. Instead, I was more attracted to her than ever. That was bittersweet—and definitely inappropriate—given what I was about to unleash.
She took my hand, and a warm feeling came over me. No one else in this world made me feel as safe as Noelle. I could always be myself without judgment. It seemed like everything was going to be okay, no matter what was actually happening in my life. We’d only been together in the same place a limited number of times through the years, but I instantly felt that comfort again whenever I was around her. While she always made me feel like I could tell her anything…this? This was a tough one.
I took a deep breath. “Mariah’s pregnant.”
She moved away suddenly. “What?”
I wasn’t sure how else to say it. “I’m having a baby.”
Noelle just kept blinking. I waited for her to say something.
“I know it’s a shock.”
“Um…yeah.” She looked away and exhaled. “It is.” She finally turned back to me. “It wasn’t planned?”
“God, no.”
“Then…how did it happen?”
I raised my brow. “You need me to spell it out?”
“You know what I mean, Archie.”
Nodding, I sighed. It was hard to admit how stupid I’d been.
“I wasn’t careful once…in part because I believed I wasn’t capable of having kids.”
She frowned. “Why would you think that?”
“I was led to believe that was a strong possibility from a young age—because of the cancer treatments I had when I was a kid. The doctors told my parents to expect that I might not be able to have children. So I had it in my head that kids would never be in the cards for me.” I shrugged. “Clearly, I beat those odds. Turns out I’m just fine in that arena. But the bottom line is, I was careless one time when I was drunk, and that’s all it took.”
She wiped her palms on her Spandex. “Apparently…” Noelle blew out a long breath as she gazed up at the clear blue sky. “I think I might be the one having the panic attack now.” She looked over at me. “This is why you’re getting married.”
I wouldn’t use the term shotgun wedding, but there was no denying that this matrimony would not have been happening so soon if the current situation were different.
I nodded. “It’s why I asked her to marry me. I wanted to do the right thing.”
Noelle’s chest rose and fell as she looked into my eyes. “Do you even love her?”
My answer was a copout. “I care about her.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Feeling my panic kick back up a notch, I said, “Honestly, I need to try.” I stared into the bright morning sun. “I never thought I’d be a father.” I sighed. “I never thought I’d have the opportunity to be a better dad than mine was to me. I don’t know whether I even have it in me… But I owe it to my kid to try to give him or her the kind of life they deserve.”
“So you do want this marriage…for that reason.”
The detailed answer would’ve been too complicated, so I simply said, “I do.”
Noelle nodded. “I get it, Archie. That’s all you need to say.”
Running a hand through my hair, I examined her eyes. “What are you thinking, Noelle?”
She stared out at the road for a moment and shrugged. “I guess I’m thinking…that it finally makes sense—why you decided to get married. At least it makes some sense now. I’d been trying to wrap my head around the whole thing.”
As much as she tried to seem accepting of my news, her mannerisms, the way she was breathing, told me she was still in shock. “Noelle, the look on your face is confirming exactly why I chose to wait until today to tell you. I needed that one day of normalcy before this.”
“I’ll get over the shock eventually.” She shook her head. “I’m…happy for you. As long as you’re happy. I’ve always believed in you—you know that. Look at your career as an example. You can do anything you put your mind to. That includes being the best dad ever.”
“All those lessons from you in public speaking, and I ended up choosing a profession that doesn’t require much talking at all, huh?”
“That’s the beauty of it. You followed your heart.”
We shared a smile. The tension in the air was still thick, but Noelle’s beautiful smile brought me some comfort. It made me feel all sorts of things, actually, most of which I needed to bury. “I’m so lucky I have you, Noelle.”
