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Her eyes were hazy. “Why is that?”
I somehow managed to articulate my point. “If I tell you I’m not attracted to you, you’ll hate me. And if I tell you I am attracted, it will make things weird between us.”
She nodded. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have said anything. I guess weird things just come out when you’re drunk.”
“Actually, the truth comes out when you’re drunk.” I paused, my own curiosity getting the best of me. “What’s the real reason you asked that question?”
“I thought if you were attracted to me…you’d maybe want to…have sex with me before the summer ended.”
The Earth felt like it was starting to spin faster. I was pretty good at handling booze, so I suspected it was just the normal reaction I would expect to have, you know, when Noelle randomly suggested we fuck.
Jesus. “I wasn’t expecting that,” I said.
“I know you weren’t.” She exhaled. “My suggestion… It’s not what you think.”
“What other way is there to think about it?”
Noelle licked her lips. “I wanted to know if you would take my virginity…so I don’t have to go through that with someone else. Since you’re so experienced, I figured maybe you wouldn’t—”
“Fuck no.” I sat up. “That’s not happening.”
She waved her hands. “Never mind. Forget I said anything.”
Crickets chirping were the only sound for several seconds.
I should’ve let sleeping dogs lie, but I couldn’t help myself. “Seriously, why would you want me to do that?”
Noelle stood, brushing grass off her jeans. “I just figured it wouldn’t be a big deal to you. You’d be doing me a favor.”
“You want me to pop your cherry, and you think it would mean nothing to me?”
“Look. I’m obviously drunk. I just said what I was thinking. I regret it. Can we drop the subject?”
“Yeah. Sure.” I rose and started to pace, feeling equal parts enraged and turned on. I directed my energy toward cleaning up the Easter eggs and the rest of the mess we’d made.
We didn’t speak of this again for the rest of that night, and we each retreated to our own rooms.
• • •
The next morning, I forced myself to get up to run, only to find Noelle wasn’t waiting outside.
For the first time ever, she’d overslept—either that or she was intentionally avoiding me, and for good reason. She’d put herself out there last night, and I’d shot her down. I could’ve handled that better.
Today I could see things more clearly, and that meant I looked like even more of an asshole for my abrupt reaction to her brave and vulnerable request. Even if she was drunk, that took a lot of courage. Deep down, I knew I’d been defensive because I did like Noelle as more than a friend. It was fucked up for her to have assumed she meant so little to me that I could just screw her and forget about it.
But I guess I hadn’t given her reason to believe I had true feelings. Yet I felt so much for Noelle that I could hardly breathe around her sometimes. We’d developed a strong connection this summer. And while I was attracted to her, it was so much more than that. Experiencing more than just physical attraction to someone was new for me. But my feelings for her couldn’t go anywhere because I would never be the kind of guy she needed. Crossing the line with Noelle would mean losing her as a friend—something I wasn’t ready to risk.
Even so, I couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d proposed. I’d gone to bed hard, unable to sleep, so goddamn horny. I wanted to give her what she’d asked for and more. I just didn’t want the guilt that would be associated with it. I didn’t want to go back to school with any regrets hanging over my head, and I didn’t want to do anything that would risk being unable to face her next summer.
As I pounded the pavement alone, my thoughts went from sensible to anything but. I started to think about all the things I could teach her, all the ways I could make her come. Had anyone even made her come before? What was so wrong about giving in to a friend’s request for a little sexual education? I shook my head. Are you fucking crazy, Archie?
Given all of the dirty thoughts in my head, it was unfortunate that I ran right into her as I returned to the house. Noelle was waiting for me at the side door by the kitchen. She held a mug of coffee in her hand and looked as hungover as I knew she was.
My breathing was heavy as I stood there, dripping sweat. “Where were you?” I asked as I took my earbuds out.
Her eyes were red and a bit sunken. “I overslept. I’m sorry.”
“I get it. We drank a lot last night.”
