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“Any idea what you want to do tomorrow?” I asked.
“Again, it doesn’t matter to me as long as we’re hanging out together.” He grinned. “Today was so much fun.”
“I was thinking we’d go to a diner for breakfast and explore the city some more.”
“That sounds like a plan.” He looked into my eyes, his expression turning serious. “Then we should go back to your place and talk—after I make you dinner.”
“You don’t have to cook for me.”
“I do. At least once while I’m here. There’s this gourmet market I scouted online. It’s not too far from here. We’ll have to hit that.”
After Archie and I parted ways, I had trouble relaxing that night in bed. I just wanted tomorrow to come so I could see him again.
• • •
The following day, after a breakfast of waffles and bacon at one of my favorite greasy spoons, Archie and I walked around the city, got coffee in the afternoon, and went to that gourmet market he’d told me about.
Archie had insisted on making me whatever I wanted. I chose crab cakes and zucchini fries. Not sure where I got that combo, but it just sounded good, and Archie certainly delivered. The crab cakes with homemade tartar sauce were to die for, and the zucchini fries were crisped to perfection.
After dinner, we took our glasses of wine over to my sofa. He sat next to me, and for the first time all day, I sensed a shift in the mood.
Archie put his wine down and rubbed his palms on his pants. “I feel like I gave you the impression that I was scrutinizing your decision when you told me about your baby plans...”
“It did seem like you might have thought it was a bad idea.”
He nodded. “I don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes. But I do know what it’s like to be a parent. It’s a huge responsibility, but a joy—an experience I would never want you to miss, if it’s something you want. So, of course, if there are no other options, you should absolutely take advantage of what science has made available.” He hesitated. “But if there is an option to have a partner in this, you deserve that. You deserve for someone to have your back. As much as my relationship with Mariah is still a work in progress, parenting is a lot easier because we have each other.”
I shook my head. He was losing me. That was nice in theory but not always realistic. “I already explained that it’s not an option with Jason.” I sighed. “And yes, okay, while I secretly hoped he might change his mind and decide he wanted to be part of this, I respect his decision.”
Archie looked into my eyes. “Do you see yourself with him forever?”
I felt a bit like the walls were closing in. “I don’t know. But that’s the beauty of it. I don’t need to know in order to make this decision.”
Archie just stared at me, his mouth opening and closing as if deciding whether to say something. Sweat formed on my forehead. I worried he was about to try to talk me out of this.
I cleared my throat. “Did you…want me to log into the cryobank site? You said you’d help me look through the donors, give me your opinion.”
Archie ignored my suggestion. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah…”
He looked down at the sofa, then back at me. “Did I hurt you?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve never asked you that question. And I want to know if anything I’ve ever done…or not done…has hurt you.”
I swallowed. How could I answer this honestly? “There have been times I felt hurt by you, yes. Although I don’t think it was ever your intention to hurt me.”
He blinked rapidly. “When?”
Feeling my throat close up, I didn’t want to admit it. But I also didn’t want to lie. Archie had no idea how hard I’d worked to get over him. “When I came out to visit you the summer after your dad died, and you told me we shouldn’t continue what we’d started on the island. At that time, I had strong feelings for you, though I’d never admitted them. And I didn’t tell you then because you were going through a lot.”
His stare was incendiary. “You don’t think I knew you had feelings for me? Of course, I did.” He paused. “But do you know why I pushed you away, Noelle?”
I shook my head.
“There was no way I was gonna take you down with me. That was a rough time. I needed to be there for my mother. I knew I was stuck in that situation for a very long time. I didn’t have a whole lot of choices. But I could choose not to hold you back. So that’s the decision I made—not because of a lack of feelings for you, but because I cared about you too much to drag you down.” He closed his eyes a moment. “I never meant to hurt you.”
