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I’d already picked a seat in the corner when Noelle walked through the door. My blood was pumping as I readied to explain myself. I’d probably blown this completely out of proportion. But I needed to talk to her if I was going to function at work tonight.
Fear filled her eyes as she sat down. “Archie, what’s wrong?”
I bounced my legs. “Where did you tell him you went?”
“To the drugstore, so I don’t have all that much time. He’s cooking dinner for me and Roz. What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry if I scared you.” I took a deep breath. “This might come across as inappropriate, but it’s eating at me.”
“What is it?”
“Have you slept with him?”
She moved back suddenly. “No. He just got here this afternoon.”
Here it comes. “I don’t think I can handle it if you do.” I tapped my fingers against the wooden table. “I know he’s your boyfriend. It’s not exactly fair of me to expect that you wouldn’t sleep with him, but I can’t handle that as long as we’re doing this. It would complicate things and maybe create doubt if you got pregnant—vasectomies aren’t foolproof.” I paused. “And I want you to know I won’t be sleeping with anyone either, while you’re out here.” I looked down at the table for a moment, trying to calm myself. “I just don’t want to compete with someone else in this process. I panicked when I saw him because I realized I’d never made my feelings known to you.”
She blinked. “Just to be clear, so I fully understand… If I were to sleep with him, you wouldn’t want to continue this.”
My stomach was in knots. “That’s correct.”
Noelle nodded. “I hadn’t had time to ponder what I would do when he came to visit. I wasn’t expecting it so soon.” She reached for my hand. “But, Archie, I understand where you’re coming from. If something did happen between him and me, and then I became pregnant, there would always be that little bit of doubt. I know you’re one-hundred percent all in, so I owe you that assurance.” She exhaled. “I will not sleep with him while you and I are doing IUI. You have my word.”
A boulder lifted from my chest, even as I felt like a piece-of-shit manipulator. “Thank you.”
She got up from her seat. “I’d better go before he wonders what’s going on. I also have to stop at the drugstore to actually buy some things so I don’t go back empty-handed.” Our eyes locked. “I’ll call you after he leaves, okay?”
I stood. “Yeah. Talk to you then.”
After she exited the café, I sat back down at the table for a bit. The relief I’d experienced just moments ago was quickly waning. My issues with Jason went far deeper than not wanting her to sleep with him. I now knew I didn’t want her with him at all. I wanted her with me.
But I didn’t quite know what was best for her.
CHAPTER 25
NOELLE
THINGS HAD BEEN tense between Jason and me this past weekend. I’d explained to him why I thought it best that we not sleep together until I was back in New York. He wasn’t thrilled, but he seemed to at least try to understand why that could complicate things. What I’d neglected to mention was that Archie had anything to do with my request.
On Monday morning, we had an hour to go before Jason would drive his rental car back to the airport. We were having coffee together in the kitchen. It had been tricky to have private conversations here because Roz was always around. Thankfully she’d left this morning for an appointment.
Under the table, Jason reached his legs out to lock with mine. “I’ve missed you more than I anticipated. I came to California because I need you to know I’m still here, even if I’m across the continent.” Steam billowed from his mug as he took a sip. “It’s clear from the vibe Archie gave that he’s not comfortable around me. I have to wonder if there’s something to that.” He looked up at me. “You told me there was nothing more than friendship between you two, which, again, is the only reason I went for this. My understanding was that you’d get pregnant, come home, and our relationship would take up where it left off. I don’t think you’re lying to me, but I do think…” His eyes bore into mine. “If you truly believe what you said about him not having an ulterior motive, you might be blind to his feelings.”
The pastry I’d eaten turned in my stomach. I agreed that Archie’s reaction to Jason had been surprising, but he just wanted everything to go smoothly with our process, didn’t he? If Archie wanted more with me, certainly he’d tell me…
“Archie hasn’t indicated that he has feelings for me,” I told him.
