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“Noelle, how could anyone not have feelings for you? You’re gorgeous…kindhearted. You’re crazy if you think he doesn’t want you.”
My cheeks burned. “Well, if you sensed something from him, that’s news to me. My plans haven’t changed. He and I have obviously bonded through this experience. That’s unavoidable. But he’s still just my good friend. And I’m still coming back.”
“I hope so.” He stared down into his mug. “I like to think of myself as a strong person, you know? But this situation is testing me. I feel like I’m slowly losing you, but then again, I’m not sure I even deserve you. Time will tell if we can withstand this. I do hope you’re coming back to New York.”
The hormones must have been catching up with me because I was about to cry. I wanted to tell him we wouldn’t have been in this situation if he’d wanted a baby with me. I wanted to tell him that even if he was right about Archie, it wouldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t trust Archie with my heart like that. I’d been burned too many times in the past. I’d watched him marry someone else, for God’s sake. Quite frankly, I wasn’t sure I could trust either of them with my heart.
But instead of unleashing all that, my feelings stayed safely tucked inside. “You coming here to surprise me meant a lot.” I smiled.
“Even if my life gets hectic, you’re still my priority.” He reached across the table for my hand. “I want to come back again when I get home from the conference.”
Jason would be at a media conference in Europe for two weeks. I nodded, but anything could happen in two weeks. My entire life could change in that time.
• • •
Archie and I had just gotten back from killing time in the middle of our second IUI appointment. We’d eaten at the same diner as last time. We’d now unofficially dubbed it “IUI and Eggs.”
The stakes felt so much higher today.
When they called us into the insemination room, Archie seemed more nervous than I was, tapping his hand against his leg as he sat next to where I lay on the table.
A doctor I hadn’t met before entered the room.
“Hello, I’m Dr. Sears. Dr. Burns is on vacation, so I’ll be handling your procedure today.”
“Nice to meet you,” I said.
He looked down at a printout. “We have thirteen-point-five million motile sperm, which is a great number, even better than last time. Anything over nine million is a good result. The motility percentage is sixty, which is excellent. They’re moving well.”
Archie’s face lit up. It was quite adorable.
“You’ve got some Michael Phelps swimmers in there,” the doctor said with a wink. He held the tube of sperm out to Archie. “Just confirm this is you.”
“That’s me.” He looked over at me and laughed.
Archie watched intently as the doctor transferred the sperm into the catheter. I could only imagine how strange it must be to look at his own sperm being manipulated in such a way. He reached for my hand as I slipped my legs into the stirrups. Like last time, it was pretty quick and almost painless, aside from some brief discomfort.
When the doctor took off his gloves, Archie said, “That’s it?”
“That’s it.” The doctor smiled. “You’re gonna want to have intercourse later today to get as many swimmers in there as possible.”
Um…
This doctor didn’t know our situation. He’d never met us before today. Archie and I just looked at each other. There were no words necessary.
After the appointment, we went back to his place to have coffee. Today was Archie’s day off from the restaurant, and he had an hour to kill before picking Clancy up from school.
I took a sip of the hazelnut blend he’d made for me. “If this round works, it’s going to be because of your super sperm. And to think at one point you were led to believe you’d be infertile.”
“I got really lucky. I know that.” Archie stirred his coffee. “As much as I love my daughter, I was so fucking scared before she was born.” He rolled his eyes. “Well, you remember my panic attack on Whaite’s Island.” He sighed. “This experience is a lot different. My head is on straight. I’m excited, not scared.”
“I never thought about how different this might be, compared to the first time for you.”
“Yeah. I mean, I was in shock most of Mariah’s pregnancy. I couldn’t really appreciate it. With this, I’m appreciating and enjoying every single moment, even if the desired result hasn’t happened for us yet.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Speaking of all of the moments in this process… What’s the room like? I never asked you.”
“The spunk room, you mean?”
“Yeah.” I chuckled.
“It’s plain. Less is more, I guess, under those circumstances—one vinyl chair, an old-ass TV-DVD player combo, and some magazines.”
