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I spoke to the ceiling. “Wherever you are, hopefully you know I’ve done the best I could with what life has dealt me, even if you don’t agree with my decisions. I did the best I could for Mom. That’s for damn sure. Hopefully, she’s with some other guy in heaven, by the way, and not your cheating ass.” I sighed. “Anyway, whatever life threw at me, I went with the flow. But there has been one constant: I’ve been in love with the same girl. And I’m glad you got to meet her.” I stood up and walked through the bathroom into my old room, continuing to talk to my father. “Maybe I’m not the best man for Noelle. Maybe there’s someone else who has his shit together—someone like Jason. But I love her. More than he ever could. How can I expect her to trust me, though, if I can’t trust me? A lot of my opinions of myself have come from your voice haunting me all these years. What you might have thought of me shouldn’t matter anymore. But the only way that can happen is if I let it all go.” I chuckled. “Your granddaughter performed ‘Let It Go’ on stage not too long ago. Even your cold heart would’ve loved her so much.” I smiled.
Returning to the window in Noelle’s room, I sighed. “Anyway… This is me letting go, Dad. What needs to matter is love. I love my daughter. And I love Noelle. I’m lucky that life brought both of them to me. I will always encourage Clancy to do what makes her happy, not what pleases people or pleases me. But I will say, I know now how hard it is to be a parent. You gave me a tough time, but you probably thought it was best for me.”
I looked toward the ceiling one last time. “What matters more than anything… I forgive you for all those times you hurt me. And I forgive myself for not telling you I loved you before you died. Because after everything…I do love you. And I wish you were here. I wish I could’ve made you proud, even if I didn’t travel the path you would’ve chosen.”
I took a deep breath. I’d said everything I needed to say, and a euphoric feeling of relief came over me. Now it was time to correct the biggest mistake I’d ever made.
Downstairs, I caught up with Jean in the kitchen. “Thank you for letting me see the top floor.”
She put down a lemon she’d been squeezing. “I hope you had a nice trip down memory lane.”
“I definitely took a little journey up there. I appreciate the opportunity you gave me to put some things to rest.”
“Of course. Enjoy the rest of your time on the island.”
“You as well.”
I didn’t bother to explain that I was jetting out of Whaite’s Island as fast as I could. Rather than wait for my flight and stay another night here, I started searching for a car service to take me to New York.
CHAPTER 31
NOELLE
I WAS HAVING a lazy day at home in my pajamas, doing work and filling my teacup every hour. Needing to get myself out of this funk, I decided to call Roz. I hadn’t spoken to her since coming back here.
She picked up on the second ring. “Noelle Belle! I was just thinking of you!”
She always knew how to put me in a better mood. “Hey, Roz. I wanted to check in.”
“I really miss you, girl. I’m so glad you called.”
“I miss you, too. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to touch base.” I opened my fridge and grabbed a mozzarella stick. “How are things?”
“Menopause Roz just hit fifty-five-thousand subscribers!”
“Oh my gosh. That’s amazing! It must’ve been your hot flash series.” I chuckled. “I can’t wait to binge all your videos in twenty years.”
“Now stop pretending you’re checking in on little old me and tell me why you’re actually calling.”
“I really am checking on you. I should’ve called you sooner.”
“Well, that’s sweet, but you’re not the least bit interested in Archie boy?”
Archie and I had exchanged some messages over the past two months, but we hadn’t addressed things between us. We were either giving each other space or growing apart. I wasn’t sure which. But I missed him like crazy.
Clearing my throat, I asked, “Have you seen him lately?”
“Actually, I haven’t, honey. He hasn’t come around. The last time he was here to fix something, though, I saw him peek into your old room. He looked sad.”
Like so many things with Archie, that confused me. I hated that he was sad, but why hadn’t he reached out if he felt that way?
“What’s going on over there in New York?” she asked.
“I broke up with Jason for good. I mean, we never got back together, only casually hung out, but I made a final decision.”
