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“Why?”
She looked away and stared at the quarry. “Are you sure you want to know?”
I nodded. “Definitely. You never told me last time. I think I just wore you down. Then there was the kiss.”
Her eyebrows shot skyward. Oops. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that.
“Kiss?” her voice cracked on the word.
“We’ll get to that,” I promised. Oh, how desperately I hoped we would. “You were going to tell me why you wanted to avoid me.
“Oh… Had I told you that I had a crush on you once?”
It was my turn for my eyebrows to find my hairline. “What? When?”
“It was after you and Bryce first became firefighters… Suddenly, you were part of our life, and I was still in high school. For years, I was nervous around you!”
“I had no idea,” I admitted. “This is crazy. So, what happened? How come you never said anything.”
She got quiet. “You didn’t seem interested. Actually, it didn’t seem like you noticed me at all.”
I shook my head. “My younger self was an idiot,” I offered.
She laughed. “No, no, it’s fine. I just can’t deal with a distraction like that in the ER. That’s why we shouldn’t be more than friends, Jake.”
I felt myself deflate. “What?” All the progress we’d made in the last few days suddenly seemed like it was slipping through my fingers.
ChapterTen
MONICA
Istared at the half-eaten Oreo in my hand. It was about as appealing as eating sandpaper right now. The thought that had been eating at me since last night spilled out. “Maybe there is a reason I don’t remember us. Maybe we’re not meant to be.”
“I disagree.” Jake’s voice was firm.
I shook my head. “I don’t know why I would have let you convince me last time… but you’re a distraction I can’t afford. That’s why I never said anything back then. Someone died, Jake! And it was all because you showed up in the ER with a broken collarbone, and I was too busy trying to see how you were to focus on my patient.” I didn’t want to make it seem like it was his fault. Because honestly, it was one hundred percent mine. “You didn’t do anything wrong. But I let myself forget about what was important. I can’t do that!”
Jake was silent for a moment, and I started packing up the remaining picnic supplies.
“I had no idea,” he said eventually. “But, Monica, you’re so much older now. More experienced. If we’re together, it’s not like you’ll suddenly lose your head if I show up.”
“You don’t know that. I can’t take the chance. If they even let me go back to work again, I need to have my head in the game. It’s the worst time to think about starting a relationship with you!”
He stood up, turning toward the bench and shoving his hands in his pockets. “But we’re not starting! We were in a relationship, Monica!” The desperation on his face was hard to watch.
I stood up too, unwilling to be on uneven ground. “Maybe you were! But I’m not the same woman who got in that car accident. God hit the reset button on my brain, Jake.” Why couldn’t he understand? “As much as you say you love me, I don’t have those same feelings for you! I just want my life back.”
He turned, stepping close to me. My breath caught in my throat. I tipped my head back to look at him, my eyes falling to the underside of his chin where it met his neck.
He reached forward, his hand slipping around my waist. He held me there for a moment. “You might not remember it, but do you feel it, Monica?”
All I could feel was my heart thundering in my chest, and his hands nearly scorching me where they rested on my lower back, holding me gently in place.
His voice was deep and gravelly, the vibration rumbling in his chest. “You can feel how your body instinctively knows how to tuck into mine. You can feel how you relax in my presence, like you never would have before we dated.”
One hand came up to trace my cheek and I nearly moaned.
“You might not remember the times we spent together, but the feelings are there, sweetheart.”
