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Jake’s low whisper made me nearly light-headed. Or was that the brain swelling?

I let out a ragged breath.

“Tell me you feel it, Monica.”

I nodded, unable to do anything but relent under the delicious torture of his nearness.

At my admission, he released me and stepped backward.

I cleared my throat, trying to process what had just happened.

“So I’m attracted to you. That was true when I was nineteen. It doesn’t mean I remember. I’m sorry.” I swiped at the tears brimming in my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you…” I tried to explain. How easy it would be to just let myself pretend the attachment was there. But I’d spent ten years convincing myself that Jake Barrett, my brother’s best friend, was off-limits. A bad influence. I couldn’t change that programming so quickly.

“No, no. It’s fine. I understand.” Jake shut his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, there was a distinct difference. He’d shut me out.

“Come on,” he said, “we should get back to the car and get you to your appointment.”

I nodded. “Yeah, okay.” We grabbed our trash and began the short hike back to the parking lot. “I’m really sorry, Jake.”

“It’s fine.”

It was pretty pathetic, as far as reassurances went, but I knew I didn’t deserve more than that. I hated that he was in this situation, but I couldn’t let that sway my feelings. He was sweet, and maybe if the accident had never happened, we would have had a happily ever after. But it happened. As nice as he was being, it didn’t make up for all the time I didn’t remember.

Whatever the doctor said, I wanted to focus on whatever it took to get back to work. Without that, my life would never really return to normal.

That was my prayer as I waited in the second waiting room of the day.

“Do you want me to wait out here this time?” Jake asked quietly. He hadn’t said much during the drive except to get directions to Dr. Patel’s office.

“Umm… No, you can come in.” It didn’t seem fair to make him sit out here alone. And I didn’t especially like the idea of talking to the doctor alone either. Jake was a friend, now. Right? A friend who had made me weak in the knees with a gentle caress–but just a friend.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded.

When the doctor came in, she introduced herself to Jake.

“So, Monica, how are you doing? Any dizziness? Headaches or pain?”

“Mostly okay. A few headaches, but nothing that ibuprofen doesn’t take care of.”

“Good, good. What about dizziness?”

I hesitated, but I knew I had to be honest. Besides, if I didn’t tell the doctor, Jake would. “I had a dizzy spell the other day at the gas station. I guess I blacked out for a minute or two.”

The doctor seemed unfazed, just made a note. “And what day was this?”

“Wednesday.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

I explained how I’d been getting milk from the bottom shelf and gotten dizzy before sitting down. “The next thing I knew, the clerk was trying to get my attention, and then the EMTs showed up.”

“Oh, did they bring you to the hospital?” She flipped through the screens on her computer. “I don’t see anything here.”

“No, they checked everything out and said they would bring me if I wanted them to. I figured it was just another two days until this appointment. So, I just went home.”

Dr. Patel nodded. “Yes, I probably would have done the same thing. Though most people are a little more cautious.”

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