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“I just want you to tell me the truth,” he said. “You created Vita for yourself, didn’t you. You went through your last round of chemo three years ago—right about the time you hired me and this all started at the smaller lab. When we relocated here after the first of this year, I’m guessing that you didn’t bother getting personal about this house because you didn’t know how much time you had. Had you started to feel symptomatic with the AML then?”
C.P. wasn’t about to go into her frailties, not when he was imminently going to see so many of them. “Are you really going to get judgmental about my trying to engineer my last chance? Fine,the next time you’re drowning, by all means, tell that lifeguard to fuck off when they jump in to save you—”
“I don’t blame you.” He put his palms up. “Not at all. I just wish you had a home to go to, not a hotel. And maybe… maybe I’m trying to make sense of everything up front so if things don’t go the way we plan, I can find some peace in the failure.”
As C.P.’s brows popped, she reached out and squeezed his forearm. “If I die… if I don’t make it, Gus, it’s not your fault. Do you understand—”
“Oh, yeah.” He shook his head. “I mean, I know that. Come on, I’ve been in this research and development racket for—”
“Gus.Listen to me.” She waited until his eyes swung back to her. “If I die because of our Vita, it is not on you. You just keep going with the research. I’ll be a stepping stone, and you put your foot right on my grave and get to the next level up. Do you hear me? And I promise, you will know where Vita ends up—and I will make sure it’s the right place. As good an oncologist as you are? I’m just as good at the negotiating table. You can trust me to take care of your work on the business side—and your career. I’m not going to fuck you like that.”
He glanced away again. “I’m not worried about that.”
Bullshit, she thought. But she let him lie out loud.
“And the next thing I don’t want you to worry about is me.” She stepped closer to him. “I’m a big girl and I’ve had a lot of experience with cancer treatments. This is going to go where it does—and look at it this way. I’m not just putting my money where my mouth is—I’m putting my life on it. At least if I die on my own protocol, I’ve got some integrity, right?”
Gus exhaled as if he were letting a burden go. Or trying to.
Then he looked at her… and brushed the fall of blond hair back from her face.
When they stayed where they were, she knew he was going to kiss her. And she wasn’t going to stop him.
Leaning into his body, she curled her hands around the backs of his upper arms and parted her mouth. As her lungs got tight, an anticipation that was about so much more than mouth-to-mouth contact took hold in her gut.
Gus stroked her hair again and searched her face as if he were measuring her features, memorizing them.
Then he tilted forward. And placed a chaste kiss on her forehead.
Stepping back, he said in a sharp voice, “I’m going to repeat two scans tomorrow morning before I’m prepared to administer. MD Anderson did them, but I want them on my equipment. We’ll do theinfusion tomorrow night after the majority of people sign out.”
As he went to leave, and not just the bathroom, she spoke up. “Gus—”
Without turning around, he held his hand up and said over his shoulder, “You have men for fucking. I’m not going to be one of them.”
But then he paused in the doorway and glanced at her. “But what I will do for you is be the best goddamn doctor on the planet. That you can count on.”
He left in a hurry, striding out and not looking back. The close of her bedroom door was loud, even though it was just a click of the fixture.
When the tears came, they were hot and burned her cheeks. She didn’t bother wiping them off. Who was going to see, anyway?
And the fact that there was no one around her in this house filled with people was the one commentary on her life that she worked so hard to avoid dwelling on. But at the end of the day, everyone died alone, didn’t they. Even if there was a crowd surrounding your bedside, no one ultimately could reach you as you took your last breath.
At least… that was what she told herself as she put her stilettos back on.
TWENTY-TWO
BACK UP ONDeer Mountain, Blade knew he had to get the fuck away from his sister and that shifter. The former was going to sense his grid at some point—she was just too distracted at the moment—and the latter was so observant that even a subtle tilt in his balance had tipped her off to his new location by the SUV.
He should move very far away. He should resume his search for the steel-capped tunnels that led to the underground lab, the one that should have been destroyed back in April.
He should set his charges and leave to watch the light show from a peak across the valley.
And then he should rest his weary head.
Instead, he dematerialized farther away from Xhex and the wolven, to a point back by the rear of the blocky vehicle, and as he resumed his corporeal form, he narrowed his eyes to improve their focus—even though he could see just fine. The issue was that he was having a problem understandingwhathe was seeing: Daniel Joseph, Blade’s former soldier, was supposedly dead.
And from the looks of the guy, he might as well be.
