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“Why so quiet, my love?” Robbie cooed, his finger traced up and down my arm.
“How did you find me?” I demanded, swiping his hand away, but instead he placed it on my thigh.
“Tracked your phone,” he stated nonchalantly as if it wasn’t a big deal that he invaded my privacy. “Remember, I bought your phone. Come to think of it, this skimpy little outfit, you used to wear it for me, which I bought too.”
I own you. That was all I waited for him to say because that was how I felt. Like a piece of property, he could push around to give him the control that turned him on.
Once we got home, Dad seemed rushed. “Jules, remember we’re going to that charity ball tonight. Make sure you’re both ready to leave in a few hours. I gotta run some errands, but I’ll be back at seven to pick you up.”
“I completely forgot!” I smacked my forehead. “Sorry Dad, we’ll be ready.” I said as cheerfully as I could. It was hard containing how I felt and wanted nothing more than to tell everything to my dad. To ask him for advice. Then again, maybe I didn’t need to. He’d tell me to leave Robbie, to come home and stay home, it just wasn’t the right choice for me.
Dad turned his attention on Robbie, “What happened to your lip?” Robbie squeezed my hand instantly, hiding his fat lip. I was curious about his response, but too exhausted to supply a story, so I sent him off to defend himself.
“It’s nothing.” His grip tightened further, but I refused.
Dad squinted at Robbie, then replied, “Well, it looks good on you. Whatever you did, you should do it more often.” He laughed at himself. Robbie stood humiliated. I smirked, my mentally drained brain relishing in the small delight of his discomfort.
The moment the front door slammed, Robbie loosened up his stiff self. We made our way back into my room, but before we could relax, he went on a tangent. Again.
“Damn it, this whole house is so fucking cold,” Robbie shouted out, hitting my heater again.
“You don’t have to be like this. I’ll fix the heater for us. Slapping it like an ape does nothing.” I pet the heater, fixing the dial with a bit of a crank to make sure it worked.
For a moment I remembered Eve, stroking the head of her precious beanie babies, just as I tried to make sure my heater knew I didn’t hate it. The sudden loud whooshing sound meant it kicked on.
“Yeah, whatever.” Robbie waved as he removed his shirt.
I had to hurry and get ready, imagining what to wear. My first thoughts were, I wish I was going with Nathan, and what would I wear for him? My second thought was, all my clothes are owned by Robbie, and that made me want to burn my suitcase. Instead, I looked through my closet to see what I could wear. A little black dress, maybe my… oh god. I noticed the thick white plastic bag in the very back, buried amongst Christmas sweaters and purses.
Once I clutched it, I peeled away endless layers of plastic, revealing a shimmery prom dress I once wore. It hung here still, perfect condition, its charcoal hue staring back at me. I remembered how I felt the night I put it on. So much better than I did now, so elated. If I could just find a glimmer of that same girl within, even for just tonight, I knew she’d reel me out to who I was, leading me back to the path I needed to go.
17
Julia
The annual charity ball began long before I was born. It slowly morphed into a formal auction, one where services and items were sold to support fallen heroes. Dad was always the master of ceremonies and took it dead serious. Needless to say, tensions were always high on charity night. I had forgotten all about it, thanks to my self-absorbed problems. I was starting to feel more like Eve than I cared to.
The switch flipped again in Robbie’s psychotic head. He was as sweet as could be, just like old times. I didn’t feel ready for his happiness or his new-found willingness to help. He even zipped up my dress without a sigh. How long would it last? An hour? A day? Weeks? I had no better way to observe it, other than it felt as though he had won something, or at least he thought so.
I sat in a chair in the corner, staring at him in the bathroom. He was humming as he fixed his tie. A part of me wanted to ruin his joy. Oh, the things I could have said. Perhaps I could tell him that Nathan was more of a man than he ever would be, how he fucked me better and made me cum. No amount of money could make Robbie do that. Though, for now I was quiet, keeping the peace on the outside, dealing with the chaos within. This was for the sake of Dad, never would I ruin this night for him. Never.
I could hear Dad’s car pulling in the driveway as I applied the finishing touches. My long fake lashes, a touch of dark eyeshadow to match my gown, and a quick pinch to my cheeks for the natural blush. My glow, now more fabricated than the inherent one I received in Nathan’s company. I wished this look was for him, this shadowy glam, my curled brown hair. I kept him in my mind as I dressed, avoiding the sadness and living in a fantasy as if I were about to go see him. It almost worked.
“Jules, let’s go.” Dad yelled from the front door. I heard Robbie’s heavy steps, quickly making their way to the entrance, signaling my queue to go. Hurrying through the hallway, I stepped out from the top of the stairs. Both men looking anxiously at their watches, oblivious to my entrance. It wasn’t until my clicking heels tapped along the stairway that I got their attention.
I peeked at Robbie who was stunned, his jaw fell wide open as he gave me a once over in awe. Once at the bottom, he took my hand and twirled me around. “Julia,” Robbie wrapped his arm around my waist as he got an eyeful of me once again. For once, his tone was low and loving, just how I remembered it back when we were in college. “I’m so sorry that I ever hurt you.” He whispered into my ear, out of Dad’s earshot. “You’re my goddess, and I love you. You look absolutely breath-taking in this dress.” It was hard to imagine this was the same Robbie who I witnessed these last few months, let alone the same I experienced earlier this morning when he caught Nathan and I together. Actually, Robbie looked quite handsome in his black suit. It hugged him tightly, reminding me of his strong build beneath. His blonde hair was pulled back, slicked and styled with a wave. He couldn’t help but stare at me, rubbing the smooth skin of his freshly shaved jaw. His blue eyes pierced against his tan skin, admiring me from my black heels up to the diamond studded pin that kept my knotted bun up. I expected the flutter in my stomach to arise, but nothing.
“Thank you,” I kissed him on the cheek. That was the only thing I had enough energy to say after how much he deflated me. Though something was different for sure. Not just in his tone, but in his actions. Even Dad noticed as he shot us a weird glance as Robbie held my hand, caressing it tightly the whole car ride out.
Memories came flooding back as we parked in front of the firehouse. My home away from home, the place where I grew up, where home-cooked meals were served daily. I was shy and excited to see the whole crew again, but mentally prepared for the bear hugs that would ensue. I was overdue for sure. I remembered how badly they would interrogate my past boyfriends, making them sweat with panic. Robbie could barely handle one father, let alone the ten others I had waiting inside.
The firehouse was decorated with a borage of warm dangling string lights, their dim glow mirroring the flickering candles that adorned the scattered booths throughout. Families, firemen, and children were all dressed up for tonight’s event. Tables were lined with white linen, and gorgeous pink and white floral arrangements sat as centerpieces all around. I observed one closely, admiring the card at its center that read, “Station Seventeen.” Dad was so proud of his crew, his garage, his home. I felt so much better, walking within these four walls.
Many attendees were already seated at open tables, chattering over one another. Dad, Robbie, and I sat at one of the reserved tables toward the front of a makeshift stage where a podium and microphone stood alone with a spotlight.
Before Dad sat down, a very recognizable face interrupted us to shake his hand. “Julia,” he shouted, coming toward me. “It’s been such a long time,” Smith, one of my father’s oldest friends hugged me tightly, twirling me around to appreciate my dress. “My, you look incredible. Mikey, doesn’t she look absolutely stunning?” Dad nodded with a gleam in his eye.
“Oh, how I’ve missed you, Smith,” I kissed his cheek and introduced Robbie to him. Both men exchanged greetings, but Smith had a skeptical glance when he looked at Robbie., almost as if he knew what had been happening. Or as if Dad clued in him on his opinions. Either way, I had the protection of two firefighters. Luckily, Robbie was none the wiser. Smith and Dad share the same, nobody will steal our daughter, type of mentality.
