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“You and Parker both,” Tommy groaned, “What’s the point of a party if you two just leave every time?” He teased as if daring me to stay.
Parker and I were the same—a little more reserved—which is why we spent our time upstairs away from others. Although the frat house was a meeting point, we’d always end up on the roof, sitting on an old yellow couch that never got donated.
“You know I caught them falling asleep up there one night?” Tommy scoffed to Dana, “Like seniors after their early bird special.”
“I think it's cute,” Dana defended, “and I bet Parker was quite comfortable.” She winked in my direction, a not so subtle clue even for Tommy. I’d do just about anything to spend moments like that with Parker, especially on cold nights like this. Often I’d get close enough to fall asleep, using the support of his large shoulder as my personal pillow.
“Wouldn’t be the first time.” I confessed, reminded again of when Parker gave me my ring. That night on my birthday, I was completely enamored, barely watching the movie, spending the entire time looking down at my silver butterfly. I rubbed my thumb on the foreign feeling of a band, slowly yawning, resting my head on Parker’s shoulder as I fell asleep. I wasn’t sure if he intended for me to know, but he kissed me that night. Right there in the theatre, as I slowly shut my eyes, he pressed his lips on the top of my head.
“See, she’s blushing.” Tommy winked in my direction, misinterpreting my thought as some excitement for his presence.
“Go away, Tommy, we have important things to do tonight.” Dana shooed him once more, her attention focused on being my wing girl for the evening.Importantwas an understatement as I was hours or even minutes away from finally confessing my love to Parker. My stomach dipped into a loose knot, an uncomfortable combination of adrenaline and fear.
Yes, I was afraid, and I had every right to be, considering the life I lived, the mother I had, and the father that left.
A man in the corner rolled his thumb along the flint wheel of a Bic lighter, causing a familiar flicking noise that triggered so many bad memories. I studied him as he lit a cigarette, puffing a stale grey cloud of smoke into the air. The odor was similar to that of dirt and burnt tires, each being more pleasant than what it truly reminded me of: home.
Your heart is a piggy bank, Gemma, but a man is always a hammer. Claire, my mother, would always say this, amongst other things, smoking cigarette after cigarette.They'll take it all, and they’ll leave you, too. Don't say I didn't warn you. Someday you’ll end up like me.
The sudden smoke that filled the room twisted in my gut. The fear of rejection, the fear of who my mother was and her disorder, fueled me with a paranoia I’d seen and heard my entire life. I still remembered the night my father left, the thing she had done to me, what I witnessed. Parker was always there no matter what, and though he knew me the best out of anyone, not even he knew the details of what happened that night.
I stroked my neck, soothing it from the stench of smoke as I stared off. I couldn’t acknowledge the hold she had on me for so long and how it prevented me from ever confessing to Parker how I felt.
“Are you sure? You think he loves me?” I whispered into Dana’s ear, clinging onto a bit of hope. Dana encouraged me to do this. The confidence she exuded was far more profound than what I had in myself, and I envied her for it. I needed that reminder, I needed to remember why I chose to do this now, to risk it all for the man of my dreams.
“I’m positive! There isn’t a doubt in my mind.” Dana practically shouted, confirming her certainty as if it were her final answer on a game show.
“Positive about what?” A voice so deep and warm questioned Dana from behind my back, pricking along my neck like hot velvet arrows. I turned around, still amazed each time I saw him, the towering and built frame of Parker, peering down with an unmatched white smile. “How’s my Butterfly?” My toes curled from his greeting, caused by the sight of his dirty blonde waves. His hair sat unkempt, loose and sexy, perfect for the bronzed look of his dimpled smirk.
“Parker!” I shouted, my voice hitched as he pulled me in for a hug. Whereas others wore polos and slacks, Parker sported a grey Columbia sweater and dark denim jeans. His casual style put him so in contrast to the others in the room, if not obvious already from his staggering height and striking green eyes.
“Is this the outfit you talked about, the one that landed you the internship?” Parker pulled away and stared down along my body; his large hands softly gripped my shoulders into position.
“It’s all from scratch.” I admitted, unlike the intention I wished to confess. Though I couldn’t be as vocal with my feelings as I wanted, fashion had always been a way to express myself, which was probably why I worked so hard at it. This look in particular was no different, and my outfit carried secret meanings. Would Parker notice my wool skirt as an homage to his eyes? Plaid but green, short of brilliant like the white pleated blouse I wore in honor of his smile? Or perhaps my cami, whose texture and hue was similar to the golden brown waves of his soft hair? The look was designed to say it all,I’m thinking of you, and I’m yours, reach out and take me. “Do you like it?” I asked, his eyes still observed every inch of my body.
“It was the first thing I saw when I entered. I haven’t stopped staring since.” He assured, his voice low but defiant to the music. He’d been watching me? The realization elicited goosebumps across my arms, his admission perhaps more profound for me than the people listening by our side. I tucked my shoulders close to my ears.
“Internship?” Dana interrupted, her eyes puzzled.
“Gemma got a position styling for Gerard Halt. She’ll start in spring after graduation.” Parker answered before I could, his voice assertive with an almost unmistakable pride. “As if there were any doubts, I knew she’d get it, and her look convinced him.”If only it could convince you too, I thought, and the way his eyes stayed fixed along my neck made me feel as though it were coming true.
“I got the news today actually, I know it's just styling for now, but I hope it leads to designing.” I reached up and adjusted the collar around Parker’s neck, a habit I formed for correcting looks. I was excited to be interning for Gerard, a small-time designer with a big ego, one which impressed some, but not yet many. “And if I work as hard as this guy, I’m sure I’ll be designing in no time.” I bumped into Parker, who wasn’t shy about hiding his smirk. I was ecstatic about the position, but couldn’t enjoy it, not till I could confess to Parker and ease this anxious tension in my stomach.
“Congrats Gemma!” Tommy announced, raising his glass, meeting Dana’s extended hand as he reached to pat my back. Instead, the cup smacked loose from his grip, spilling directly onto my chest and down my cami. I gasped as the ice cubes fell down my top, instantly perking my nipples with their chill. I shivered quickly, allowing them to fall through the bottom of my skirt. “Fuck!” Tommy winced, “Gemma, I’m so sorry.” With a napkin in hand, Tommy reached toward me, but Parker grabbed his wrist.
“It’s ok.” Parker warned, his tightened grip squeezed for just a moment before letting go. Tommy looked absolutely frightened, startled more by Parker than from my gasp. “I can take care of this. Why don’t you get Dana a fresh drink?” He looked over at an amused Dana, who was equally enamored by the charm Parker had. “These ladies are always honored guests within this chapter, and I want to make sure they are treated as such.” If Parker wasn’t already intimidating, the fact that his father, Albert Jones, was both a notable alumnus and a legal powerhouse, provided an extra heir of authority to Parker’s family name.
“Of course.” Tommy nodded, “Can I get anyone anything else?”
“You’re good, Tommy.” Parker assured him, his eyes not once leaving mine. I wanted to stare forever, my heart raced at the possibility of saying the sweet words I held in for so long.
“You two going to the roof?” Dana slipped the question, a subtle reminder of our foolproof plan.
“Yes! These boots are killing me.” I half grinned, “You know I wear them for the look not the comfort.”
“I’m not taking you to the roof like this?” Parker laughed. “You’re soaking wet, and it’s far too cold to be wearing wet clothes. I’m cleaning you up first.”Cleaningme up? Dana wafted her face, her hand acting like a fan to his words.
“You feel dirty, Gemma?” Dana asked, her unconcealed meaning enough for me to melt from embarrassment.
