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PROLOGUE
Sept 2016
On the upper westside of Manhattan, wedged between a spiraling wood banister and two kissing lovers, I began to sweat. I was both excited and sick from the prospect of tonight and what I was about to do.
“Typical Columbia frat party,” Dana, my college roommate and second closest friend, rolled her eyes as she snatched the freshly filled solo cup from a man’s hand. “No beer, only bourbon. But it works even better though, so long as you don't mind the burn.” She parted the lovers by my side like Moses, shooing them away.
“I just need to take the edge off, he’s going to be here any second, and…” I trailed off as Dana passed me the cup, lifting it to my lips to shush me. I took a long sip, wincing as the spiced heat coursed its way down my throat.
“That’s why we came early.” Dana reassured me, combing a gold strand of her bobbed hair behind her ear, “It’s my job to get you loosened up before he arrives. Plus, you have me, and do you think I’d let you break such big news without my support?” Dana tugged on her black fur coat, guiding my eyes towards hers. “Now, repeat the plan,” she commanded.
I took a deep breath, inhaling the expensive scent of Ralph Lauren cologne, rich like juniper, cheapened only by the rhythmic pop of unfitting house music. “Once Parker arrives, I’ll take him to the roof top where we always go.” I recited the almost mantra Dana instilled in me since last week.
“Go on…” Dana encouraged with a wave of her hand, switching my empty cup with a full one.
“Then we’ll have a few drinks and talk like normal. We’ll laugh and be silly, just like best friends do, just as we have since we were kids.” I shivered now, taking a long chug of my drink, welcoming the distraction of its unbearable taste. My stomach turned, it had always been weak, ever since I tried seafood in the Hamptons as a kid.
“I’m waiting…” Dana cocked her head, half smiling, half impatient. I blushed, my face reddened, no longer from the strong drinks alone.
“Then…” I squeezed the plastic cup in my hand, wetting my lips that suddenly went dry, “I tell him Ilovehim.” My voice fell out like a whimper. Even confessing out loud to Dana felt foreign.
Yes, I loved Parker Ellis Jones; the boy turned man who had been by my side since the age of six, inseparable even now as we attended different colleges. My quiet confession brought a new sense of self-awareness to my body, as if I were engulfed in one of Parker’s protective hugs.
“How do I look?” I asked. “Do you think he’ll like it?” I turned toward Dana, my hands delicately wrapped around my waist as I asked her for the twelfth time today.
“Are you serious?” She took the cup out of my hand for a sip, “He’s going to be a lawyer, isn’t he? That means he has to be smart. So, yes. Unless he’s a total idiot, he’ll be drooling at your feet.” Of course Parker wasn’t an idiot, he was anything but. Not only had he finished his political science degree in three years, but he had already begun the first year of the juris doctorate program. He was tall, gorgeous, and beyond ambitious, leading as the captain of Columbia’s track team. “Wait… that’s the outfit you made?” Dana snapped my attention back to her as I nodded. She sighed, “I wish I could design like you; it’s crazy how much better you are than the others in class.” I blushed again, avoiding the praise she often gave, which I felt was far too kind.
Despite attending every one of Parker’s Columbia frat parties, Dana and I did not actually study here. We were seniors at F.I.T., the best fashion school in New York City. This made the distance between Parker and me rather notable, but a small sacrifice we worked around. And even though Columbia had its own subway stop on 116th street, Parker never once wanted me to ride it, and insisted Dana and I take a cab.
“It’s not safe.”He’d sternly announced,“And I can’t accept it. Not today, not ever.”Of course he’d never let me pay for my fare; it was just like Parker to think he needed to take care of me. He gave Dana and me enough money to get to the parties and back and extra for food, in case we ever got hungry. This was Parker, relentless and protective, observant, and caring in the most precise ways.“As long as I get to see you, I’ll pay whatever it takes.”The memory of his words was sweet, and the fact that he made time to see me despite the demand of his schedule. I grinned to myself, settling in the thought, allowing the bourbon to ease the tension along my shoulders.
“You girls enjoying the party?” The familiar coastal tone of a California man sauntered by. He arched a dark brow, his hair combed back, uniformed like the other polo wearing men in the mahogany trimmed living room. “Gemma…” He nodded with a toothy grin. Dana blinked as if annoyed.
Tommy Romero was a clean-shaven man with dark eyes and a bent nose. Despite the scar above his eyebrow, and his rather clumsy approach to women, Tommy was a sweet guy. He tried pursuing me before, but seemed reluctant around Parker, whose presence always carried an unspoken dominance with the pierce of his emerald green eyes.
“Not now, Tommy,” Dana widened her expression, shooting an interpreted message only close girlfriends could decipher as—Oh my god.
“The party’s great.” I took another sip of my drink, which no longer burned, but rather sat sweetly on my tongue.
As Tommy flirted with an unimpressed Dana, I glanced down at the small silver band around my finger, the one with a tiny butterfly at its center. Parker surprised me with it the night I turned thirteen. In fact, it was the first piece of jewelry I ever owned, and best of all, it came from him. Not many people knew the reason behind it, but the ring was far more specific than most even realized.
In Mrs. Tempton’s third grade class, Parker and I were assigned to pick an animal which best suited our personalities. I wanted to be a pigeon, who’s mundane nature I appreciated, along with the almost metallic shine of their wings. Parker disagreed, though, and maintained I was too pretty to be a pigeon, so he called me a butterfly instead.
Parker picked a rattlesnake, prefacing he’d only bite if he felt threatened; a stern distinction he made as a child, and the leading reason he picked that over a shark. This stayed with us, especially any time we’d say goodbye. “Better shake, Rattlesnake,” I’d always tell him, to which he’d return, “Bye, bye, Butterfly.”
Yes, I was his Butterfly, and he was my Rattlesnake; and this ring meant the world to me. I always wore it, specifically because it always felt like a piece of him was with me, especially in moments like now as I waited in the discomfort of large crowds.
When Tommy asked earlier if I was enjoying the party, I actually lied, and seeing my ring was a reminder of that. In fact, I was never one for parties, even for my birthday. When Parker gave me the ring, I told him the only thing I wanted to do was see a movie; one above the standard PG rating that stopped us before. Not only did he surprise me with the gift, but he came with me to the midnight premiere ofTwilight.
It was one of the first real things we did alone as young adults, and I wouldn’t have done it with anyone but him. He wasn’t just a companion, he was an active participant, passing the time with thumb wars, middle school gossip, and eating gummy peach rings while waiting in line.
That was perfect, much better than any party.
“Why don’t we sit down?” Tommy nodded, pointing to the newly purchased leather sofa where everyone stood. Dana scrunched her face, absorbing the hollering cheers of an arm-wrestling competition close by.
“And risk getting their sweat on us?” Dana shook her head.
“You know me. It’s a little crowded.” I added.
