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In a moment of weakness, I allowed myself to feel everything I ever experienced with Parker. The love, the pain, my confession, and the letdown that proceeded that college night so long ago. How he brought in Mila, how he made me believe all the things that tore my heart apart, but that also built it back up. It was good, it was bad, but all in all, it was the sweetest torture that I would never wish upon another person, but also, never wish away.
“I. Hate. You.” I enunciated once more, cutting with a curtness that made my tears break into streams.
“You’re a liar,” he cursed. “You said it yourself last night, Gemma, you wanted honesty, well here it is. I knew it since we were kids. I knew it before our sleepovers, before our family trips, before peach gummies were ever a thing, and far before I ever put that ring on your finger, because the longer I think of it, the more I’m certain I knew ittheday I first saw you. I knew it before I even knew whatitwas.” Parker lowered his voice, competing with my own pleas to stop. I couldn’t run, I couldn’t look away as I called his name.
“Parker…” I begged.
“You aren’tjustmy best friend or my first-grade crush. You’re so much more than that… you always have been. I’m sorry it took so long, I’m sorry that I was the one who got us to this place. Please don’t hate me, Butterfly…” he dropped into a whisper as he leaned his head against mine. “Because I’m so in love with you—everyversion of you—starting with the girl who sat next to me on that field trip, who wore the denim overalls and sunflower buttons, to the person I see now, the woman, the purpose of my existence.”
“Please, don’t say that,” I cried pathetically, the salt of the water stinging my eyes, illuminating me with the golden light it reflected. Why was this happening now, a single moment that turned the lump in my throat into a ball of combusted fireworks? I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t even think of how everything I ever wanted had just happened, how scared and alive I felt, completely obliterated as Parker’s stoic stare remained unapologetically on me.
“I love you,” he repeated, relaxing into the relief it gave him. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” he said it over and over again, slowly, as if each confession lightened his heart, his hands cupping my cheeks, brushing away my tears with the stroke of his thumb. “I was a coward before, too scared to say out loud what I always knew was true, that you, Gemma, are the only woman I’ll ever love.”
“Do you mean that?” I asked one last time, knowing that what was to come had the potential to break me, to take everything about us and change it forever.
“I really do. I’ll never forgive myself for what I did, but I will spend every moment of my life fighting to make it better, fighting for you. I’ll never stop saying it, not now, not ever,” he said, slowly leaning in, anchoring his hand to my lower back.
My mouth parted, separated by the firm and restless kiss of Parker’s full lips, lips that I’d only fantasized about, whose taste and touch pulsed like red embers in a strong wind. I cried, excited and scared, lost in the pressure of his strong hands that pulled me flush against his hips. Every second was telling to how long he wanted this—needed this—striking me like an unforgiving bolt of lightning.
“Stay with me… pick me. Let me be yours,” he whispered, helplessly pulling into me, his lashes grazing my own.
“Yours?” I murmured, tears still streaming down my face.
“Yes, I love you so much…” he continued, as if incapable of stopping, releasing the decades held secret with five little words.
I sobbed and wasn’t sure why, the exact reason going beyond anger, and stretching into relief, comforted in his arms and on his lips, his taste finally revealed in perfect flavor, like the first chew of a sweetened mint. I couldn’t believe I was tasting Parker, and my skin pebbled with bumps.
“Parker, I—” I couldn’t even finish, distracted by the figure that stood beside us, watching every ugly detail of what we did.
It was Camilla, slowly removing her headphones down to her neck, clutching her phone in her hand.
“Gemma?” She broke into a sob, questioning either me or the disbelief she had towards Parker.
“Fuck,” Parker exhaled, not once letting me go. I stepped away though, unable to cope with how cruel the sight was.
What just happened? My mind still sat in a haze as I realized how everything looked, how awful it was. This wasn’t love, this was betrayal.
“Camilla, let me explain—” I didn’t know what to say, but she interjected.
“Friends, my ass,” she hissed. “Fuck you… fuck you both!” She turned away, running through the path leading to the Joneses’ home in the distance.
Parker stood quietly, anguished with being caught, impatiently saying my name, “Gemma—”
“You have to go to her!” I interrupted, wiping my eyes. “This was wrong, this shouldn’t have happened, not like this.”
“Don’t say that. I don’t regret telling you, I don’t regret how I feel.”
“It doesn’t make it right. No one needs to get hurt, not anymore.” I looked at him for guidance, aching for some resolve. Parker kissed me, but did I kiss him back? “Fuck, Parker. There is more to this than just us.” I cried, unable to fully confess why. “There’s others we have to think of—”
“If not Camilla, then who?” He pulled me back, blatantly ignoring the fact that Alejandro still existed. “He doesn’t change anything, just like Camilla doesn’t. This is it, I won’t stop fighting for you, not ever again.”
“I know you won’t…” My whisper came out so defeated, holding onto his eyes as I struggled to find the right thing to say, but could only land on the words that were needed, “Just go to her,” I begged. “Make this right…”
Chapter34
Parker
“Mila, Stop!” I shouted, already having slammed the front door, now chasing her upstairs. This was so fucked, an unfair punishment to everyone involved, but especially to Mila. I could hear hollering already, the empty house void of Mom and Dad, but not to Tommy, who came out carrying a guitar.
