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Soon things would begin to change, no matter how difficult it’d be to face, and I wasn’t sure anymore what would come next.
“Look at me, Gemma.” I tried meeting her face, but she rolled her shoulder away.
“No. I don’t want to see you…”
“No? What, you just want to ignore me, you want to hide and keep things to yourself? Well, I’ve tried that, and it doesn't work. It just makes things worse. It’s not a way out.”
“What I need is distance.”
“You always need distance. You always need to say and do things to protect yourself, and when push comes to shove, you shut off. I can’t reach you; I can’t even try because you’ll freak out.”
“Because you don’t know what I’ve been through!” she shouted.
“And you don’t think I know that?” I yelled, my eyes burning as I pointed to my chest. “You don’t think I have some ounce of an idea? I’ve been watching you since the moment I met you. The way you move, the way you dress, the flowers, the meanings, you don’t think I see all of that? Cause I do, and I feel it, and I’ve fucking lived in silence for so long, holding onto some stupid idea that I knew what was best for you. I was wrong, Gemma, so goddamn wrong, and you hiding is just the same.”
“Me hiding is not the same. Mind your business, Park.”
“I won’t,” I growled. “I won’t stop until you hear me out.”
“About what? About me hiding? How about you hiding the fact that both you and Camilla are planning to move into a new place together once I’m gone?” This time her misty glare found mine, opposite of the bay that seemed calmer than the dock we stood at.
“What?” I barked, utterly confused and completely upset.
“Yes. You two. The couple. You’re moving in with each other. She told me and Mama Meg.”
“I never said anything like that to her, it’s not even true. Mila just told you to—”
“To what?” She cut me off. “To make me jealous? Poor Gemma, the lovesick puppy? Well, it worked, Parker, and I hate that it did, and I won’t allow it to anymore.”
“You have to listen to me—”
“No!” She turned around, shoving me aside as she began to walk away. I couldn’t even keep my shit together, the sight of her back boiling an uncontrolled frustration in me that I never felt before in my entire life. She was so goddamn stubborn, and in turn, made me lose any consideration to what was even appropriate. The few creaky steps she took didn’t last long as I caught her hand, pulling her back quicker than she could even comprehend. She gasped, the force so sudden, so impossibly strong that she was nearly lifted from her feet.
“Parker!” she screeched.
“Shut up and look at me. Tell me exactly how you feel and don’t you ever run away from me, from us, from this.” Finally, forced to confront me, I stared at how Gemma’s lip began to tremble. I wouldn’t dare let her leave, locking her arms in place, my body scorching the bare flesh below her crop top. “I’ve lied to you, and you’ve kept me in the dark. And I thought this could wait till we got home, but not after what happened last night.”
“I don’t know what to say, Parker,” she whimpered, her face as sad as it was nervous, a gut-wrenching look I fought so hard to stop from ever happening. It made me want to cry, to finally fucking explode like I was warned not to so long ago.
“Tell me anything, tell me what you can. Tell me you’re mad or angry, just don’t leave me here. Don’t walk away from me or else I’ll die.” I begged. Gemma struggled to pull away, but gave up as her arms grew limp into mine.
“I hate you, Parker Ellis Jones,” she gritted, giving me the most hurtful honesty that brought me to tears. “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”
“Good,” I snipped. “Fucking hate me. Feel whatever you need to feel because I am incapable of doing any less myself. I don’t care what it costs me. Idon’tcare that it’s nuclear, and that it could ruin everything, because everything already is.” I began to choke, my words and feelings pouring out like a bucket of water, emptying me out until all that was left were the final important drops of everything I ever had.
Pain.
Hurt.
Resolution and peace.
I couldn’t live without her. I couldn’t even breathe another second or say another word except the ones I repeated in my head like a sickening mantra that got me through life. It broke me, and I knew it broke her too, but I couldn’t help myself as the Earth grew quiet and the waves stopped just long enough for me to hear the unbearable skip in Gemma’s heart.
“Dammit, Gemma… I’m in love with you.”
Chapter33
Gemma
