AllFreeNovel
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We come to these celebrations of anniversaries–and yes, a high school graduation certainly falls under that umbrella–not simply to mark the passage of time. Look at me, we say when we attend. Acknowledge me, we demand when we accept the invitation.
Validate me, our presence insists.
For some people, that need to be seen is physical. External. For them, it’s the crowd who looks, acknowledges, and validates.
For others, it’s their own inner teenager who peers with wide, naïve, idealistic eyes, rough edges and bleeding heart frozen in time, needing to see the change in the adult self so she can catch up.
So far, every person I’ve seen tonight has fixated on Will, other than Fiona and Perky, and they don’t count because having them pay attention to me is like asking your mother if you look pretty when you’re thirteen. They’re constitutionally required to.
Rayelyn is the first person tonight to acknowledge me as important.
“I–I’m in design, actually. Spaces. Homes and occasionally offices. I work for Will Lotham’s company now.”
Rayelyn’s expression is extraordinary. “The Will Lotham?” The past comes roaring back into her face, my famous crush indelible in her memories of who I am.
I can’t help but laugh. “Yes.” Then I sniffle.
Immediate concern radiates from her. “Is something wrong?” Sanni mirrors the compassion, which only makes controlling my emotions that much harder. Rayelyn was my ever-constant friend in all extracurriculars. We were the academic geeks who really enjoyed running a newspaper, sacrificing Saturdays for speech and debate tournaments, writing essays and studying content questions for Academic Challenge. We advocated for pep rallies to acknowledge academic competitions, and aside from Fiona and Perky, I spent more time with Rayelyn than anyone else in high school.
So why is it that until now, I hadn’t really thought of her?
A twisting inside me, my skin and blood catching on pieces of memory, makes my nerves jangle, a preternatural knowing pouring into me. As Raye and Sanni watch me expectantly, I blurt out, “Why didn’t we stay in touch, Rayelyn? I mean, Raye.”
She fights emotion on a face that is clearly not accustomed to doing so. I’m asking a question that pulls her back ten, fourteen years and it’s obvious that the Raye–not Rayelyn–before me is all adult when she’s not here in her hometown, being yanked back into a time when she couldn’t be who she is.
“I don’t know. I wondered, too, Mal. You left for Brown and I went to Marlboro and then UC Berkeley. I met Sanni there at the first graduate student union meeting.” She squeezes her wife’s shoulder. “When I heard about this reunion, I didn’t want to come.”
“Same here,” I tell her, meaning every word. “But I’m local.”
Sanni laughs. “We’re about as non-local as you can get and still be in the same country.”
“My sister lives in the Bay Area. She works for a financial start-up.”
“Hasty?” Rayelyn asks, her voice dropping. Years of hearing me complain about my older, domineering sister haven’t faded, I see.
Another shaky laugh comes out of me, gaining strength as the conversation continues. “Yes, that Hasty.”
“You have a sister named Hasty?” Sanni asks, curious.
“Short for Hastings.”
“Ah.”
“Do you ever come out to see her?” Rayelyn asks. “If you do, please reach out. I’d love to reconnect. In fact, we’re here for a few extra days.” She looks around, head turning toward the booming music in the event space. “This is fine, but a quiet coffee shop with good pastries would be even better.”
Warmth floods me. “In jeans and t-shirts.”
Rayelyn looks down at our high heels. “Yes! And flip-flops!” Reaching into her purse, she says, “Let’s exchange numbers right here. I’ll call your phone. What’s your number?”
I recite it, she taps. My phone rings. I ignore it. The modern version of exchanging business cards.
Then she reaches out for a hug, laughing. Her embrace feels like the past coming into my present and hugging me. “This reunion is pushing all my insecurity buttons,” she confesses.
“Everyone told me I had to come,” I murmur in her ear.
“Everyone?”
“Persephone, Fiona, and Will.”
