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“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret or anything. I wanted to wait to figure out what Jensen could do.” Landon took my hand as we settled into our first-class seats. “Trust me, okay? We’ll make this work out.”
I nodded. He was right. If Jensen didn’t know, then it could theoretically be anyone. There were a ton of other women that Landon could be with, and if Emery kept her mouth shut, then Jensen would never have a reason to suspect me. In fact, he’d probably think that I was the last person Landon would pick, considering his history with Emery.
Landon planted a kiss on my cheek, and the rest of the flight was smooth sailing. My bad mood about having to hide our relationship again vanished. Maybe I was overreacting anyway.
Did I want our relationship to be known to everyone? Of course.
Could I wait until Jensen moved Landon to a new spot? Probably.
I didn’t want to wait, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Landon was worth waiting for as far as I was concerned.
Our descent into Lubbock was a little rocky. They’d had some storms unexpectedly blow through, and it was keeping a lot of flights in Dallas. Luckily, we’d gotten out just in time. But my stomach was queasy by the time we made it to Landon’s car. I sipped on a bottle of water as we drove through the flooded streets back to my apartment.
That was such an issue in Lubbock. Because it rained so infrequently, anytime there was rain, all the streets would overflow. The ground couldn’t soak it up. There weren’t enough drains. And, basically, the rain always hit like a flash flood. I swore, it was bad planning from some poor government civil engineer. A better sewer system would have handled that, but I didn’t work for the government. So, it probably wouldn’t get fixed anytime soon.
Landon lugged my suitcase inside while I checked the mail. I tucked the mail under my arm as I dashed inside to try to get out of the rain.
“Oh my God, it’s like a monsoon out there,” I said, throwing the mail onto the counter and shaking out my soaking wet hair.
“Yeah. No joke. You would never guess that we were normally a desert climate.”
I laughed. “No way. I’m going to change out of these wet clothes.”
“Can I watch?” he asked with a grin.
“Why do I have a feeling that’s not all you’re going to do?”
“No idea.” He tried and failed to give me a look of innocence.
“I’ll just be a minute.”
I traipsed into my bedroom and stripped out of my travel gear. I changed into pajama bottoms and a T-shirt before towel-drying my hair. I looked like a wet dog but whatever.
When I walked back out to the living room, Landon was sitting on the couch, holding a plain white letter in his hand. He was gently tapping it against the coffee table. His eyes found mine across the room.
“What are you doing with that?” I asked, my voice small.
“Just saw it in the pile of mail. You still haven’t read any of them, have you?”
“No. Because I’m not going to ever read them. I don’t want to talk to him.”
Landon stood to face me. The letter between us felt like a barrier. “You shouldn’t compartmentalize this the way that you do, Heidi. I know that you miss him. I know that you only allow yourself one day a year to think about him. But it’s here every single week as a reminder. Aren’t you the least bit curious?”
“No,” I said fervently. “I’m not curious. I don’t want to hear from the man who did everything he could to ruin my life.”
“You and I both know that’s not true.”
“Yes, it is!” I cried.
“You didn’t think that way about him in high school, and he was using then. He might have fucked up. He might have done horrible things. But he loves you. He put you through cheerleading. He came to all of the football games. He threw you that graduation party.”
“Ancient history! I can’t forget about all the times that I had to take care of his drunk ass when I was the kid. I was the one who needed to be taken care of. Throwing money at a problem doesn’t make it go away.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Landon said with a sigh. He walked forward to me and handed me the letter. “But the last thing I said to my dad before he died was something horrible, and I would give anything to have one more day with him. One more moment to make things right. But I will never have that. You have that, and you’re throwing it away.”
I felt like I had been burned with a cigarette. I recoiled back from the statement as tears sprang to my eyes. Never in the six years that my dad was gone had I once thought about actually reading his letters, actually talking to him. But I’d never thought about it like Landon had. If I could, wouldn’t I do everything to have one more day with my mom? My dad might be horrible. He might have ruined my life and his own, but maybe I was in the wrong for not giving him a second chance.
Landon’s arms were around me as all these emotions hit me at once. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to decide today. I just don’t want you to ignore him forever and live to regret never having a relationship with him again.”
