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His expression softened and he moved into her space again, his hands going to her hair this time. “Baby, tell me. I’m sorry I got my feelings hurt when you said you would leave. You are not arrogant. You are confident in your abilities, and you should be. You are not a social climber. You couldn’t care less about what anyone thinks. And you are not a failure.”
That was where he was wrong. “They’ve moved my ethics case up.”
The email she’d received had explained that thecomplaint was being viewed with urgency. As though she was some kind of criminal who’d conspired to cheat her law firm instead of being the person to report actual criminal activity.
“Then we’ll move our meeting with the attorney up,” Quaid replied, as though it was a simple thing. “I’ll call tomorrow.”
She shook her head. “It could cost thousands of dollars, especially since I need help fast. Money I do not have.”
“I told you I would take care of it.”
“Then everyone will think I’m sleeping with you for your money. I know you think I don’t care about my reputation, but I can’t stand the thought of everyone looking at me and thinking I couldn’t cut it so I’m back here using a man for his cash.” Tears welled. She’d thought about this the whole way home. Every scenario she’d come up with had led to one conclusion. She couldn’t let Quaid pay the lawyer for her. “The only people who remember that I was ever in this town only remember me because I was obnoxious. I thought I would one day waltz into our twenty-year reunion and show everyone how successful I was, but the truth is they would have looked at me and wondered why I was there because no one would know who I was. I’m just as forgettable now.”
“That’s not true.”
“Tell that to Todd Shale, who recently announced his engagement to a woman who is barely out of high school.” The final blow of the day, the one she would have thought wouldn’t affect her, had damn near brought her to her knees. “She’s pregnant, too. He told me he didn’t want kids. I guess he just didn’t want mine. She’s from a good family, of course. One of the wealthiest in New Orleans. I think he was planning on dumping me before I made the mistake of giving a crap about men who worked with the mob and hurt young women.”
He started to pull her into an embrace, but she didn’t want his sympathy. She pushed away from him.
“It doesn’t matter. I knew what our marriage was. I didn’t love him. You know, now that I think about it, maybe I did use him. I used him to get into a big law firm.”
“Jayna, of course you loved him. You thought you could build a future together. I’m sure that logical mind of yours worked out a way to explain the relationship you had with him in a way that protected you, but deep down you loved him. He hurt you and you’re not helping yourself by rejecting the fact. You’re not helping yourself by taking the blame.”
“I don’t take the damn blame.” What was he talking about? If there was one thing she knew for a fact, it was that her husband’s prolific cheating wasn’t her fault.
“Yes, you do. You tell yourself you knew who he was. You tell yourself you were okay with the cheating because you knew what you were getting into. You say all those things because you think it’s better to be cynical and smart than to have gotten your dumb heart broken, but, baby, it’s better to have a heart that breaks than to have one encased in ice.” He caught her again, dragging her close. “You are not icy, Jayna. You are warm, and your heart works fine. Stop thinking and let me show you.”
He lowered his lips to hers, and all that toxic energy inside her morphed into something wild, something primal and necessary, something she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt before.
Want. Not need. She’d known so much need, but this longing was beyond anything. It was scary, and she couldn’t turn away from it. She knew she would likely ache later, but it didn’t matter in the moment. Now, all that mattered was him.
She needed this after the day she’d had. It wouldn’t last forever, but these moments with Quaid might save her sanity.
She wrapped her arms around him as he deepened the kiss, his tongue surging into her mouth and sending heat through her system. Quaid was right. She’d been cold for so long. She’d wrapped herself in cold logic for years, and it felt so good to be warm again.
His hands stroked down her back, moving toward her backside, and she pressed herself against him.
“Damn it, Jayna.” Quaid took in a shaky breath as he brought his hands back up to her waist. “We need to take a minute.”
All she heard was a rejection.
Quaid didn’t want her. Well, Todd hadn’t wanted her, either, and she’d survived that. She pulled away. “Take as long as you like. I’m going to find a motel.”
“I don’t think we should do this when you’re so emotional.”
“Fine. I won’t do it at all, Havery. Like I said, I’ll find a motel and we can both go back to our regularly scheduled lives.” She couldn’t stay here with him and listen to all the reasons why they couldn’t work. She hadn’t asked for some long-term relationship. She’d wanted to spend some time with him. That was all.
And he felt sorry for her. They all felt sorry for her. Well, the ones who didn’t actively loathe her. Like her own mother.
God, she was such a fool to have thought he would actually have a sexual interest in her. Hadn’t she learned she wasn’t that kind of woman?
“I’m starting to believe my life will never be normal again,” Quaid growled her way. “I know this is a mistake. I know we should take our time, but you’re not going to let that happen, are you?”
She was about to argue with him, to tell him he could go to hell, when he kissed her again. His hands went to her hair,holding her in place while he ravished her mouth. Even if her bruised heart had wanted to fight him, her body didn’t care. Her body simply needed, and it had found the one man she would put aside her ego for.
He kissed her for the longest time and then she was in his arms, being carried up the stairs.
She’d never been carried anywhere. “Quaid, you should put me down.”
