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“Yes, but I believe it’s outweighed by everything else. And I think we can make it work.”
“Why?”
“We…care about each other.” He seemed to struggle to get more words out. “You’re very important to me. I’d do anything for you and the baby. I’ll always put you first.”
If he could say all that, why couldn’t he say “I love you”?
That answer seemed obvious—because he didn’t.
She swallowed hard, trying to digest that harsh truth. Granger didn’t love her. And she, lord help her, was head over heels in love with him.
Granger held out the ring to her again. “So what do you say? Should we do this thing?”
Her stomach suddenly revolted. She clenched her teeth, determined not to throw up now, of all moments. “What…why…” But it was no use. She didn’t even know what she was trying to say. “Bowl,” she gasped, looking around desperately for something to empty her stomach into.
Granger ran to grab a waste basket. Feeling about as miserable as she ever had in her life, she threw up into it. When she was done, he handed her a towel to clean herself with.
“Not exactly the reaction I was expecting,” he said dryly. “How about we talk about this later?”
She used the towel to hide her face, and her wretchedness. How could she possibly marry Granger and pretend she didn’t have feelings for him? She was used to smiling for a camera, but she couldn’t fake something that important every moment of her life. “No. The answer is no.”
All expression dropped from his face. The stern FBI agent faced her now, just as intimidating as ever, even in his black swimming trunks, with water still dripping down the ridges and slopes of his sculpted body. Her desire for him made her breath catch, and goose bumps rise on her skin. Would she ever want another man the way she wanted Granger? She never had before. Perhaps never would again.
“Just like that? No? You don’t want to think about it?”
“We had this conversation already. Let’s focus on co-parenting together.”
“Is it…because of…my father?” He forced the words out through gritted teeth.
“What? Of course not.” He opened his mouth to say more, but she stopped him with a gesture. “Let’s not argue about it. I appreciate your offer. It was well thought-out and…thoughtful. I…I care about you too.”
Tell him you love him. Tell him how deep your feelings go.
She shoved the thought aside and put on a smile. If he knew how she felt, when he didn’t feel the same, things between them would be unbearably awkward.
“I think we should continue on as we’ve already planned,” she told him.
He nodded, his face blank, then looked at the floor.
What was behind that lack of expression? Disappointment? Relief? Nothing? That was the thing about Granger. It could be anything, but unless he chose to tell her how he really felt, if anything, she’d never know.
They stood for a moment in silence.
What now? This moment felt excruciatingly awkward. What would she do if this was a business proposal instead of a marriage proposal?
She stuck out her hand. He gazed at it as if a handshake was some bizarre ancient ritual he couldn’t remember. She snatched it back, then realized she was still holding the towel she’d wiped her face with. “I’ll go put this in the laundry,” she muttered.
As she fled from the gym, she caught a glimpse of Granger reflected in one of the mirrors along the wall. He was looking down at the palm of his hand. Then he gently curled his fingers around that beautiful wooden ring and tucked it into his pocket.
She didn’t see what happened after that because tears misted her eyes and she had to focus on making it up the stairs and to her bedroom before she completely lost it.
This changed everything. He didn’t love her; if he did, he would have mentioned it during his proposal. For her own sanity, she couldn’t allow herself to keep falling in love him. She couldn’t lean on Granger the way she had been. She couldn’t count on him to cheer her up or listen to her vent or make her come.
This is a wakeup call.Ever since he’d moved into her guest room, she’d been letting herself believe this could develop into a real relationship. She’d been falling for him, every day, every night, every moment.
She needed to remember what their relationship really was, and keep a leash on her emotions. From now on, she had to lean on herself and not the big strong patient man with the blank expression that ripped her heart out every time she thought about it.
In the king-sized bed, she couldn’t get comfortable enough to drop off to sleep. To distract herself from her thoughts, she rolled herself out of bed and pulled out the Box o’ Bliss from her suitcase. She still hadn’t spent much time going through it, treating it like something to savor, bit by bit, over time.
