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I’d gone back and forth about how much to actually tell Ruby. I know very well that I shouldn’t have let Mikhail kiss me without negotiating for it first, and I don’t want her to be disappointed in me. It’s a strange feeling–I can’t recall ever having a friend that I cared about disappointing before. In the end, though, if there’s anyone whowouldn’tjudge me for any choices I made, it’s Ruby.
“I don’t know,” I admit as I sit down. “I really don’t.”
“Did he not want to see you again after?” The outrage on Ruby’s face makes me want to laugh. She’s clearly horrified at the idea thatMikhailmight be the one who doesn’t want to see me again, and is ready to fight someone on my behalf.
“No, he does. It’s me that isn’t sure if I want to.”That’s not exactly true.I’ve been wondering all day if he’d come to the clubtonight and buy time with me, hoping that he will, even if I’ve been doing my best to pretend otherwise. “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea.”There, that’s closer to the truth.
“Why not?” Ruby looks at me with clear confusion. “Did something happen?”
“It’s–it’s complicated.” I run my hand through my hair as I pull it down from the messy bun I had atop my head, trying to think of how to explain. “He was a perfect gentleman at first. He paid upfront–”
“Hewhat?”Ruby stares at me. “Girl, hang onto that one. They usually don’t pay until the end, like they want to keep you thinking about that paycheck the whole time.”
“To be fair, it was something I insisted on when I agreed to the date in the first place. But I wasn’t necessarily expecting him to do it. I was a little surprised when he kept his word about that.”
“Well, that’s a good start.” Ruby leans forward, gluing on an eyelash. “I don’t see what the problem is so far?”
“He took me to a nice restaurant and started pushing boundaries just a little. He put his hand on my back–”
“Athena.” Ruby shakes her head. “Don’t tell me you got upset at him for that? He paid you a fortune for a date. It’s not like the champagne room. You can’t expect them to be totally hands-off–”
“Well, I didn’t know that! He said he paid for my time.” I frown at her, irritation bubbling up. “I didn’t know how I was supposed to react.”
“Did you like it?” Ruby grins at me, wiggling her eyebrows. “He’s a lot more handsome than my guy, that’s for sure.”
“I–” The words to deny it stick in my throat, and Ruby giggles.
“You did like it!”
“I’m not supposed to, though.” I dump my makeup tools out on the top of the table, feeling more and more frustrated by the minute. “It’s a job.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t like it alittle.” Ruby shakes her head at me. “I’d kill for a rich, handsome guy that I actuallylikedtouching me. Doesn’t make it less of a job if you get some enjoyment out of it.”
“I suppose that’s true.”I liked being a ballerina, and that was a job.I’m struck by a sudden, aching wish that I could tell Ruby about that, about what I used to do. I can imagine how thrilled she would be by it, all of the questions she would ask, and I wish I could share that part of myself.
I hadn’t expected, when I came here, to find an actual friend–much less the best friend I’ve ever had.
“Tell me the rest because I still don’t see what the problem is,” Ruby insists, uncapping her mascara. “I need to know.”
“He just–there were little things that were weird. Like for instance, I asked him why he paid to take me out on a date, when he could easily get anyone he wanted to go for free–he’s handsome and rich. And he said it was because he specifically wantedme. Like he wandered into this club and happened to see me and be so infatuated that he’s spending aninsaneamount of money just for time with me.” I pause for breath, feeling my pulse speed up as all of my anxieties and nerves come rushing back, threatening to strangle me. “And then, as we were leaving, he said something about knowing where I work, if he wanted to see me again.”
“I mean, that’s maybe not the best phrasing,” Ruby admits. “But it sounds like a bad joke. This is how guys like that behave, Athena. They’re used to getting what they want, and they have enough money that they don’t care if they have to pay for it. Sometimes theylikepaying for it, because it makes them feel powerful, that they can just buy any woman they want. So it might seem implausible to you that he’d walk in here and just happen to see you and decide that hehadto have your time, or whatever else, because you or I wouldn’t do that. But for guys like that, it’s normal.”
She sounds so sure that it can’t help but calm my anxieties, at least partially.I’m new to all this,I remind myself as I lean forward, working on my makeup to give myself a moment to think.This isn’t my world. That’s why I chose to hide out here, remember? Because it’s so far removed from who I used to be that no one would think to look for me here.
It’s entirely plausible that I’m just overreacting and that Ruby is right. That Mikhail is just a man with too much ego and too much money, who happened to slum it here one night and fixated on me. That the things he’s saying are technically true, even if they’re just meant to get me to allow him to do more and more, so long as he pays me for it.
If he was the person stalking you, the one leaving threatening notes and strange gifts, would he have left you clothes and shoes and jewelry that cost thousands of dollars? That’s not how stalkers behave.
“Is that all?” Ruby prods, narrowing her eyes playfully at me. “Anything else you want to tell me?”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to say no, that we just left the restaurant and nothing else. But a part of me wants to tell her. Iwant to see what her reaction is, if she could somehow make me feel better about not just letting Mikhail kiss me, butenjoyingthe kiss.
“He kissed me,” I mutter, still not entirely sure that I want to admit it. “After we left the restaurant.”
“After you talked about how much he’d pay you?” Ruby sees the look on my face, and lets out an indignant squawk. “Athena! You were so worried about his hand on your back, but you let himkissyou! That youshouldget paid for!”
“I know.” I toss my makeup brushes down, resisting the urge to rub my hands across my face. “It just–he got me on the other side of the restaurant, up against the wall, and it happened so fast. He said something about how we’d talked about negotiating for touching later, and that he wanted to add a kiss to that–or something like that. It was hard to think. He was so close, and–”
