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Kate stopped arranging a stack of pastries to look at me. “Yes, I did,” she replied. “I’m sure Freya’s been by with all sorts of vegan goodness … tasty and healthy.” Her nose screwed up.
Freya had indeed been around with a bunch of stuff that looked appetizing and might’ve tasted it too if I’d had the guts to taste it.
“But sometimes you need tasty and decidedly unhealthy.” Kate waggled her brows then pushed the plate and coffee toward me.
I took the coffee first, thankful for it. My caffeine consumption prior to this had already been on the high side. Now I was probably in danger from having some kind of cardiac episode from overstimulation. Not that I noticed. I still felt exhausted every moment of the day.
When Kate settled on the other side of the counter, I could tell by her energy what was coming.
Kate and I had become close the moment we met. Before I got the apartment, I’d stay at her and Swiss’s place, even if Violet wasn’t there. She’d accepted me not just as Violet’s friend but as a member of the family. As had Swiss.
Both of them had been around since I was discharged, both treading softly.
The entire club had shown their support in one way or another. Cautiously.
Which I hated.
Hades’s visit to the hospital was the only interaction that didn’t make me feel ruined and … wrong.
Kate’s soft and loving gaze was almost too much to bear.
Where was a shot of tequila and a ketamine chaser when you needed it?
“I know what you’re going to say,” I tried to head her off at the pass. “I’m fine.”
Her eyes shimmered as she rounded the counter to sit on the stool next to me. I hated her closeness. She smelled clean, of expensive perfume, of a life I’d never have.
“No, you’re not fine,” she stated simply.
I clutched my coffee cup, surprised it didn’t explode.
“Something terrible happened to you, honey,” Kate murmured softly. “And you didn’t have your mom there when you came out of it.”
“It’s better that she wasn’t,” I sniffed, shocked that she was even mentioning my mom. But it was painfully obvious that no one outside the town of Garnett had come to my aid. That I had no one. No family. I might’ve felt more shame over that if I wasn’t already overwhelmed by things to be ashamed of.
“Maybe.” Kate stroked my face. It felt like knives opening up the skin of my jaw. “But I want to tell you, from the second I met you, I’ve considered you part of my family. And I’ve got some experience in the deadbeat mom department, although I’m not about to comment on whether your mom is one or not because I don’t know anything about her.”
I nibbled on a pastry, leaning away from her touch. For all the things that my mother was, she was never a deadbeat. She took care of me when I was sick. She cooked my favorite food when I was in a bad mood. She’d told me she loved me. She brushed my hair. Bandaged skinned knees.
My chest ached inexplicably.
“You’re like a daughter to me,” Kate continued. “And it’s my job to be here for you as much as I can be for as long as you need me.”
I tasted old pennies as I ruined my lips with my teeth. My own blood in my mouth was the only thing that calmed me enough when people were being caring. Nice.
“I appreciate that,” I told her, voice cracking.
I thought I might just bite my own lip off if she stared at me any longer.
But Kate was a mom, so she had the mom sense, and she stepped back, returning to the kitchen to clean things, rearrange my fridge.
“Colby isn’t going to go away, you know, honey,” she told me from the fridge.
I tore apart a croissant so it would look like I had consumed some. “I know,” I sighed.
She closed the door and focused on me. “You’ll feel good things again, honey,” she said with conviction. “You’re worthy of them.”
My teeth locked as I tried to keep my expression even. I couldn’t even speak, couldn’t even utter a lie.
Luckily, Kate didn’t continue, returning to her tasks and keeping the subjects light.
But her words had settled inside me like a boulder.
If there was ever a time to fall apart, it was after you survived getting tortured by a serial killer.
There was literally no one in the world who would argue with a girl who decided to take to her bed for like a week after surviving that. Fuck, no one would argue if I took a month.
There would be no one in the world, and especially no one in Garnett, New Mexico, no one involved with the Sons of Templar MC, who would argue with me for doing such a thing.
