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That sounded great, in theory, but I didn’t know where to start. “I want to do that.” All the anger I felt when I walked into the dark office had deflated under Sadie’s wise words.
“Then do it.” She said the words easily and quickly, but Sadie had more to say. I took a seat in one of the club chairs in front of the large desk and waited. Patiently.
“It won’t be easy, Bonnie. Change never is. But it’ll be a hell of a lot easier once you get off the fucking drugs.”
Drugs? Again? I shook my head, ready to deny it to her just as I had to Calvin.
“I’m not on drugs. The pills came from a doctor and they’re for pain, you know, from getting beat up?”
I didn’t bother to add that, somehow, my false arrest very likely rested at the feet of someone in her family. I had no proof, and even if I did, what would I do with it?
“Bullshit,” she said, spitting the words out like bad sushi. “Don’t bullshit me, sweetheart. I’ve been doing it longer and I’m much better at it than you are. Something you’d realize if you weren’t constantly high.”
A bitter snort-laugh escaped, and I shook my head. “Haven’t been high in a few days now, thanks for asking.”
Sadie’s brows rose skeptically, and when she shook her head, her hair didn’t dare move. “Hand over the pills and whatever else you’re using.”
I wanted to be offended. But I just sighed and shook my head. “I’m pretty sure Calvin already took everything, and since Travis got your message loud and clear, you have nothing to worry about.”
Her pink lips curled into a satisfied smile. “Good. Too bad poor Travis didn’t listen the first time around.”
Sadie’s superpower, I realized, was that tone. It was even and soft, but there was just a hint of menace in it that stuck with me for a long time afterward. And the look in her steely green eyes said mess with her and her family at your own peril.
“I’ll be watching you Bonnie.”
Well, that was a threat if I ever heard one. I stood, nodding slowly. “I understand.”
If I screwed up again, it would likely be my last chance, then I’d be well and truly on my own then.
“Good. Calvin will be good to you. I promise.”
I shook my head at her words. “It’s not like that. Calvin feels sorry for me, and like you said, I’m too much of a fuck up right now for anything but charity.”
“We all fuck up, Bonnie.”
I shook my head but Sadie continued to nod.
“I stayed with an abusive man even after he started abusing my kids, a really big fuck up on my part. One I work hard to fix every day, Bonnie. Every. Fucking. Day.”
It felt like she was telling me more than her words revealed, but my mind was all over the place, unfocused and fuzzy so I nodded. “I’ll do my best.”
Sadie gave a sharp nod. “That’s all anyone can ask. Do better. Be better.” She tapped her pen on the desk and said, “Now run along. I’ve got work to do.”
With those words, I slowly made my way to Calvin’s part of the massive mansion, soaking up the sunshine and the flowers. The fresh air. But once I got there, I felt restless. Anxious. Unable to sit still.
I laid on the bed for a few minutes and got up to pace the length of the room, hoping maybe it would tire me out or relax my mind enough that I could take a nap, apply for a job, or do anything that required more than a few moments of attention.
Pacing didn’t help, so I went across the hall, hoping the celestial relaxation space Cal had created would work on whatever this was that I was going through.
It didn’t work.
Next, I went downstairs, but the size and breadth of Cal’s computer equipment left me feeling nervous and clumsy, so I quickly left the living room and found myself standing in the middle of Cal’s kitchen. A very nice kitchen with new appliances. My fingers twitched a little as a thought took hold.
Food. I’ll make some food.
I couldn’t remember the last time I ate an authentic meal or a full one, which explained why all my clothes were a little loose lately, and suddenly I knew exactly what to do.
A home-cooked meal would occupy my mind and my hands, plus it would be a great way to forget about everything that had happened today.
And if it came out well, it would be the perfect way to show my appreciation to Calvin Ashby.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Cal
“What do you mean you think you saw Brendan Rhymer,” Jasper asked, disgust dripping from every word. “That motherfucker is dead. Has been for a few weeks now. Big explosion, remember?”
