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I hated that I had to justify my situation to anyone, but Cal did have rights that he could exercise to make my life very difficult.
“Why can’t you take the job and live here? Why can’t you just let me take care of you? I’m a goddamn millionaire!”
I shook my head because he really just didn’t get it. “Because I need to be able to survive on my own. I have to.”
It would be hard, and I knew there would be times I hated it and wished I’d made different choices but taking care of myself meant I could always survive on my own.
And do what I wanted.
“And you can’t do that here?”
“In your mansion with your mother and servants? No.” I sighed, daunted at the task of convincing him of my reasoning. “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but this isn’t me surviving on my own. It’s surviving on your charity. Which I really appreciate, but I need to be able to take care of myself properly before this baby comes.”
“Our baby,” he clarified as if I could ever forget. “That baby is part of both of us.”
“I know that, but I’m the one who will be taking care of this baby.”
“Says who?” he growled.
“Says me, unless you have boobs and are going to wake up in the middle of the night to feed him or her?” I sighed again and shook my head. “I don’t want to fight with you Calvin.”
“No, you just want to run away. Again. Stop fucking running away from me, Bonnie, and use that pretty little mouth of yours. Tell me what you want. What do you need?”
“I just did! Don’t you understand? I need to be able to take care of myself. That means paying my own bills, living in my own space while caring for my own child.”
“But that child is mine too,” he said with a joyous smile. “And that means I have certain obligations as well. Right?”
There was that damn word again. Obligations. “Sure. If that’s how you want to look at it.”
“Dammit, Bonnie, you know what I mean. Financially speaking. I could help you find a place in a better neighborhood, and we could split the rent?”
He looked so hopeful and sweet that it was hard to stay mad. To keep my resolve.
But I had to. “Your responsibility is to our child, not me.”
“And my child will live there, and I will pay his or her portion of the rent.”
“Oh my God, Calvin! Babies don’t pay rent!”
Calvin made a move but stopped short of coming to me, instead, he went to the window and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’m trying to be reasonable, Bonnie.”
“It didn’t take us too long to get to the threats.”
I wasn’t surprised that we’d gotten there, but I expected more cajoling or sweet talking first. Guess I didn’t know him as well as I thought.
“Fine Calvin, you need us to be some place that you can feel good about, sure. My half of the rent is six hundred bucks. That’s what I can afford for the foreseeable future. Do what you can with that.”
It wasn’t exactly the most mature response to this situation, but it was a start. I could let him help without losing the independence I hadn’t even gained yet. I thought.
“Okay,” he said with a sigh as the tension faded from his shoulders. “Okay. Good.”
“Good.”
“You can stay here until we find a place we both agree on. Right?”
“Wrong.” I shook my head, because of course, he would try to get one over on me.
“I’ll move to my new apartment, and when you find a place, all I need to do is give thirty-days-notice. You have my number.”
“Are you trying to piss me off, Bonnie, or are you really this oblivious?”
He raked both hands through his hair, leaving it standing up in all directions, making him look charming instead of infuriating.
“English, Calvin. Please.”
“Bonnie, I already told you that I want to marry you, and even though I thoroughly fucked up the proposal, I get why you said no.”
“No, I don’t really think you do, Calvin, but that’s okay. I don’t want a loveless marriage, so thanks but no thanks.”
I sighed and walked to the other end of the window. “I’m not trying to take the baby away from you, Calvin, but I need to make sure I’m okay too.”
“Who said the marriage would be loveless?”
Laughter escaped, unbidden.
“You don’t love me, Cal. You don’t even trust me, and most days I’m pretty sure you don’t even really like me. We are having this baby together. Nothing changes that.”
“But you don’t want me.”
“No, Cal, you don’t want me. If I wasn’t pregnant with your baby right now, you’d be happy to see me go.”
Those weren’t easy words to say, but these days I was all about the truth, no matter how much it hurt.
