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I waited, willing her message to appear on my screen. The dots disappeared, though, and after two full minutes of staring at my phone, I realized she wasn’t going to respond.
Fuck. I couldn’t take much more of this.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Jolie
Hockey camp was done for the season, but with nothing else to do tonight, I went up there anyway. It was quiet at dinnertime. Since camp had the place reserved all winter, there were no men’s league games scheduled until nine or ten, and it was both eerie and comforting to have the place all to myself. Not entirely, of course. Gil was somewhere in the back, probably sharpening the rental skates. There was a maintenance guy any time they were open and someone was up front answering the phone and puttering on the computer.
Out here, though, I was alone.
I had my skates but didn’t feel like skating.
Mostly I wanted to think.
Maybe brood a little.
Boone had reached out repeatedly, and I hadn’t responded because I was hurt and furious, but it was more than that. I was sad and frustrated and…much as I hated to admit it, lonely. And loneliness wasn’t a good reason to get back together with a man. I had to sort out my own shit first.
Grandma G was the only person I could count on in my life regularly. I had my parents, of course, but they weren’t part of my daily life anymore. If there was an emergency, they’d be there in an instant. Mom and I would occasionally go shopping or meet for lunch, and sometimes she’d call to tell me the latest scrape my cousin Byron had gotten into.
Beyond that, I was an adult and she and my dad had their own busy lives.
I had friends and coworkers at the university, but that was different. We didn’t have the text-all-day-and-meet-up-for-something type of relationship.
Real friends, the kind you turned to when your boyfriend broke your heart, hadn’t been part of my life for a long time. I could blame it on my studies. That was easy because it had kept me busy. Much busier than people probably thought, but it wasn’t like I couldn’t have made time for friends. I’d simply chosen not to.
Then I’d met Boone. And Hadley and Sheridan and Sariah and…I sighed as my phone buzzed and Sheridan’s name popped up in our group text. We’d started one while we’d all needed to keep in contact to coordinate Joey’s schedule, but it had turned into genuine friendship. Something I hadn’t had before as an adult.
Sheridan: You guys…if you ever let on you’ve seen this video, or show it to the guys, I’ll kill you, but is my man the hottest, sweetest, sexiest daddy on earth or what?!
I couldn’t resist clicking on the video and sure enough, Lars had a twin in each of his arms. He was walking around the nursery singing a Swedish lullaby to them. His voice was deep and soft and surprisingly on key, and I was momentarily mesmerized. Sheridan had probably been, too, as she’d stood there recording.
Oh yeah. Lars represented everything any woman could ever want in a life partner.
All the things I wanted someday.
With Boone.
Tears filled my eyes and I swiped at them angrily, annoyed with myself for still being so broken up about this.
Trying to think about something else, I typed a reply.
Jolie: Did your ovaries explode? Are you already pregnant again?
Hadley: Bite your tongue! Wait until you go through childbirth. You wouldn’t ask a question like that.
Sariah: I was going to ask the same thing. LOL
Jolie: See?
Sheridan: My ovaries did explode. And yes, we’re going to try to get pregnant again. Just not today. Or tomorrow.
Hadley: I’m guessing next week isn’t looking good either?
They continued with their banter, but I put the phone down, staring at the ice.
I didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t talk to the girls about my situation for so many reasons. The biggest was respecting Boone’s privacy, and there was no way to explain the breakup without telling them everything. Then, once he was gone, I wouldn’t be dating a guy on the team anymore and I’d undoubtedly be busy with my new job. Eventually, our current bond would fade into polite hellos and maybe a wave if I got to the occasional game.
I rubbed my eyes and then rested my forearms on my thighs.
It was odd not having anywhere to go or anything specific to do. The last few months had been a wild ride, between working at hockey camp, finishing my dissertation, helping with Joey, spending time with my Mavericks family, and of course, falling in love with Boone. My life had been full. Rich. Meaningful. And if I was honest, the best parts had nothing to do with my work in microbiology.
I’d always assumed that my work, getting my PhD and eventually a job in my field would consume me into my mid-to-late thirties. That it would fulfill me until I was ready for a baby or two. And until Boone, the man I would have those babies with, had never had a face or a name or even an essence. He’d been some sort of existential figment of my imagination who would father my children. Love hadn’t played even the smallest role in that equation. Especially not when I’d been with Jarvis.
