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Now everything was different.
I was different.
My work was still important, but it wasn’t everything. Hell, right now it barely registered on my radar, despite being so close to reaching my goal.
And I had to think about why.
I also had to think about who.
Not just Boone, but the friendships I now had, and more than anything else, finding balance going forward. All work and no play had left me emotionally bankrupt. It had me rethinking a lot of the things I thought I knew.
And it was time to figure it out.
I spent a restless night tossing and turning, so I groaned when my phone rang at eight thirty in the morning.
Grandma G.
I momentarily panicked but then remembered she’d been great about checking in. She was the only person who knew what was going on, but she’d always been there for me and this was no different.
“Hi, Grandma.” I tried not to yawn in her ear.
“How are you, sweetie?”
“I’m okay.”
“You know you’re a terrible liar.”
I chuckled. “I’m as okay as someone with a broken heart can be.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“No. I’ve been doing some soul-searching.”
“And?”
“Some things have to change once I finish with my PhD. I love my work, but it can’t be the only thing.”
“Thank god,” she muttered. “Been hoping you’d figure that out for years.”
“Sorry. I guess I’m slow sometimes.”
“Have you had any epiphanies?”
“All I know for sure is that I need friends and family and all the things I somehow deprived myself of all these years while I’ve been in school. But I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”
“Are you ready to talk to Boone?”
“What’s there to say?”
“How about some of what you just told me?” She paused. “Did it ever occur to you that he was going to ask you to go with him?”
“I don’t think he was.”
“How do you know?”
“I don’t know for sure, but he had months to bring it up. He never did.”
“You’re about to get your doctorate. You have a job offer here in St. Louis and an important interview in New York City. If he cares about you at all, he wouldn’t just assume you’d be willing to give all of that up for him.”
I sighed, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and getting up to pad into the kitchen.
I needed coffee before we could have the rest of this conversation.
“I just got up, Grandma,” I said, holding the phone between my shoulder and ear as I put water in the coffee maker. “Can we do this later?”
“Nope.” She sounded annoyingly chipper and pleased with herself. “I gave you a little time to come to your senses, but you and Boone are both stubborn, so now I’m stepping in. Call him.”
“And say what?”
“How about something like, hey, dickhead—what’s your deal? Did it ever occur to you I might want to come with you and get a job at Vanderbilt? By the way, do you love me or not?”
I was so startled at her use of the word dickhead, the phone popped out from where I’d had it wedged, nearly landing in the sink as I flailed to catch it. “Jesus, Grandma, you know I just got up,” I muttered, stifling a laugh.
“What, you think I spent my life in hockey arenas and never heard the word dickhead?”
“No, but I’ve never heard you use it.”
“It isn’t usually appropriate. In this context, it is.”
I adored this woman.
I’d won the fucking grandparent lottery with her.
“I don’t know what to say or do,” I admitted. “Because even if he did ask me to go with him, I don’t have a job in Nashville. Yes, Vanderbilt is there and potentially an option, but we don’t know that they have openings, much less whether or not they’d want me.”
“There are labs and such there, too,” she said. “And frankly, you’re both young. Things can change, no matter what the current plan is. Maybe he’ll get an offer that’s too good to refuse. Twenty million for one year in Vancouver.”
“Grandma—” I started to protest.
“I know it’s not feasible,” she said, snickering as if she’d amused herself. “I’m exaggerating about that, but I’m not exaggerating about the fact that life happens. For all he knows, his brother could get the same offer in Tokyo. Or his sister might meet a man and move to Arkansas. While his parents decide to retire to Florida. Right now, the plan is Nashville. Great. In five years, it could all change. Trust me on this. Life has a way of throwing curveballs.”
“I understand the point you’re making, but it actually makes it worse for me, not better.”
“Why? Because if you get a job and five years’ worth of experience under your belt at Vanderbilt, the people at UCLA wouldn’t want you? Your PhD isn’t linked to one city or state. Would you stop making excuses. Do you love him or not?”
