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I shrug. “Not really.”
“Let me guess. Bethiah’s being an ass.”
His simple words make fresh tears stream down my face. “I’m not sure I can talk to you about it.”
“Because you’re in love with her?” he guesses.
Love is a strong word. Am I fascinated with her? Yes. Do I want to murder her right now? Yes. I just don’t understand her, and it seems that every time I learn something new, it’s designed just to push me away. Strangely enough, I suspect Jamef would know just what I’m talking about. I glance over at him and wipe at my wet cheeks. “Kinda hard to be in love with someone when the only reason they want you is to throw it in the face of someone else.”
He grunts. One big hand goes to the back of my neck and he gives it a comforting squeeze. “Yup. I was right. Bethiah’s an ass.”
He tugs me in his direction, and instead of balking, I allow him to pull me against him, tucking me against his chest and hugging me. It feels like he actually cares, and fresh tears erupt. “Relationships suck.”
Jamef chuckles, stroking my hair. “You’re telling me? I’ve been dancing around the same situation with her for months now. I don’t know what we are, just that we can’t seem to stay apart from one another, and we can’t get along when we’re together. As for you, I think you’re wrong, Dora. She might want to rub what she’s doing with you in my face a bit, but that’s not the only reason she’s interested in you. She has feelings for you.”
“No she doesn’t.”
“Trust me, I know Bethiah. The fact that she wanted you around at all speaks volumes. And she came after you, didn’t she?”
I glance up at him. “So?”
He lifts his chin in my direction. “She willingly stepped into a trap for you, sweetheart. And look at how she’s acting right now. She’s not fighting me to take back the ship. She’s in her quarters, sulking because neither of us wants to play her games. With Bethiah, sometimes you have to look at what she’s not saying instead of what she is. The fact that she’s not trying to shove my metal ass into the holding cell and steal my ship tells me that she wants to be here…and I suspect it has a lot to do with you.” His hard mouth lifts up in one corner. “Just because she has feelings for me doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings for you.”
I swallow hard. Bethiah really cares for me? Yet everything he says rings true. No one can hold her if she’s not interested in being held. And when I kissed her, she kissed me back, and it felt like she meant it. I don’t answer him for a long moment. I have to think about what he means. “I don’t know, Jamef. It feels like she’s using me sometimes. I…I don’t know that she likes humans that way.”
He chuckles. “You’re wrong about that. Just look at you, Dora. You’re sweet and wholesome. You’re loving and trustworthy. Anyone would be lucky to have even a hint of your attention.” With gentle fingers, he brushes my hair back from my forehead. “Don’t base your self-worth on Bethiah. Just because she can’t say aloud that she cares doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of affection. If anything, she’s trying very hard not to care. Sometimes that’s easiest.”
There’s a sad note in his voice that makes me ache. More than that, I want to curl up against his touch and just…let him pet me for a while. I love that Jamef will hug me and touch me. I love that he can tell that I need affection desperately, and he’s willing to step in. I rest my cheek against his chest. Through the fabric of his clothes, I can feel the metal plating the upper part of his chest, but I don’t find it offensive. It’s just…part of what makes Jamef himself. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
I glance up, our faces close together. “Is it easier for you not to care?”
His eyes grow heavy-lidded as he gazes down at me. “I think my problem is I care too much. It’d be far easier for me to just walk away. Hide out in my apartment on station and try to forget about her.”
Forget about Bethiah? It sounds utterly impossible. “Sounds like we’re both suckers.”
Jamef chuckles, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Probably.”
He sounds so rueful and sad despite his laughter that I lean into the hand that brushes against my cheek. His expression changes, and we gaze at each other quietly for a long pause. I realize suddenly that our mouths are inches apart. That he’s warm and kind and appealing, a comforting shore after the tempest that is Bethiah. That Jamef could kiss me in this moment…
