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Quickly, grabbed it and swiped to answer. I didn’t say anything, instead, I just waited for him to speak.
“Kenna. Are you there? he asked. “Please talk to me.”
After taking a slow deep breath, I said, “Yes, I’m here.”
Silence hit the line. It was as if we were both waiting for the other to speak.
Not wanting to beat around the bush, I went right for it. “You said you loved me.”
When I said the words, my heart started to beat so hard, I swear Ryan could hear it through the phone.
My hands started to sweat, forcing me to grip the phone a little harder so it wouldn’t slip out of my fingers.
Was he about to tell me how he felt? To express his emotions—feelings I’d waited years to hear spoken.
“Of course, I do. You are my family,” he said.
And just like that, I deflated like a hot air balloon with a hole.
It felt like a knife was going right into my heart. It hurt so bad.
My mind drifted to the time he drove me to Chrissy’s, of when we kissed.
Shit, we did more than kiss.
I thought for sure he felt something more for me. I honestly thought he was feeling the same thing for me.
How stupid am I?
He was just a guy hooking up with his best friends’ little sister. Well, until he realized Conor would kill him.
Fuck. I’m the stupidest person alive.
I stayed quiet, letting Ryan have the preverbal floor.
“Kenna.” He sighed. “What happened between us, well, that can’t happen. You know that, don’t you?” he asked.
His words deflated me some more.
I lowered myself into the sofa. Squeezing my eyes tight, I fought to hold back the liquid emotions. I didn’t want to let a single tear release.
Several agonizing seconds ticked by, which felt more like an eternity, and I didn’t answer.
“Kenna,” he whispered.
I had to speak. I had to say something. I didn’t want him to know how deep his words had cut, how he was affecting me.
“Of course, Ryan. I know that can’t happen.” I bite the inside of my mouth, not wanting to say the words wanting on the tip of my tongue. “It was a total mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking that night.” With the words exiting my mouth, a single tear rolled down my cheek.
Quickly, I wiped it away.
“Hey,” Ryan said. “I heard you got a new place.” It was as if nothing had ever happened between us—not a kiss, no touch, no moment of carnal desire. “I heard you got a new place.”
So, this is my new life, huh? Suppressing my feelings and pretending I feel nothing for him.
“I did. I moved in a week ago,” I said, trying to sound happy. “I would love to see it. Can I come by tomorrow? Maybe, we can get lunch.” He paused long enough to draw in a breath of air. “Let’s get past this Kenna, so we can still be like we always were. Okay?”
Yeah, right.Once again, I fought back the raw liquid emotions burning my eyes with unshed tears.Like we always were.
