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“Yeah, but do you mind it?”
I giggle a bit, flushing.
“No! Yes! Okay, maybe it’s okay. Alright, maybe it’s kind of a turn-on. I mean, it’s not like I’m dating anyone right now, and you know that last guy I went out with had tuna breath, not to mention the stinkiest dorm room this side of the Hudson River. What the hell was Jeremy thinking? I don’t know how he convinces any woman to come over, much less spend the night.”
Tess giggles.
“Well, the moment the ladies get a whiff, I’m sure they turn right around and high-tail it back to their dorms,” she says in a droll tone.
“That’s what I did, definitely,” I say with a rueful smile. “But still, Mr. Landry’s tool is huge and amazing, and I got to see it last time. Maybe I only saw the tip, but trust me, girlfriend, that man ispacking. Besides, it’s harmless. It’s not like he’s going to want to bonemewith that thing. I’d be seriously afraid that he’d tear me in half.”
My curvy friend just giggles.
“You never know,” she says in a sing-song voice. “The world is an unpredictable place.”
I stare at her.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re pretty, Pais,” Tess says with a smile and a shrug. “And didn’t you mention that Mr. Landry only ever brings home blondes?”
I stare at her.
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean anything other than he likes blondes. Lots of men like blondes. Just ask Marilyn Monroe.”
Tess nods wisely.
“Yeah, but it means Mr. Landry has a type, and you’re his type, girl. Maybe he’ll put the moves on you soon.”
“He would never,” I breathe. “The women he brings home are like models, Tess. Seriously, they look like they could get paid to wear clothes while strutting down a runway.”
My friend merely shrugs.
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean that you’renotpretty, Pais. You’re just focused on your brains, and not your looks. Just wait and see. I mean, you’re going over again next Friday, right?”
I nod, my shoulders slumping a bit.
“Yes. The babysitting agency forwarded me the request, and as usual, I said yes. Thanks for letting me postpone our girls’ night, by the way. I really did want to spend my birthday seeing that new Tom Cruise flick with you, but my phone broke yesterday, and I need to get it fixed. And it’s going to be three hundred bucks too! But who can live without a phone?” I moan. “So off to the Upper East Side I go.”
Tess nods and smiles.
“It’s no problem, Pais. I get it, priorities are priorities, after all. But you know what you should do?”
“No, what?”
Tess gets a crafty look in her eye.
“You should take a picture of Mr. Landry’s massive cock so that I can see what you’ve been feasting your eyes on.”
I gawp at her.
“Tess, what in the world?” I cry out. “Are you insane? Where are you even getting this? This is not the good girl that I know. Where is she, and how do I get her back?”
“Hey, we can all be bad on occasion,” my friend says with a crafty twinkle to her eye. “I mean, this guy basically brings a date home every single time you babysit, and then proceeds to have loud, penetrative sex in his bedroom upstairs, right? So all I’m saying is that you should set up a secret camera in his bedroom before he gets home, and then record it.”
I stare at her.
“Oh really. That sounds like a good idea, Tess. NOT.”
