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And so with a final smile, I left.
In the last week of October, I unpacked the last box, settling down on the secondhand couch I’d bought to fill the small space of my living room. Except for the occasional honk of a horn or shout from a pedestrian outside, it was quiet here.
With the money I’d saved from working with Josh, I was able to put a down payment on a small house in the suburbs of the city. Natalie and Benjamin had helped me move in, carrying everything from their cars and my new one with ease.
“You sure you don’t need roommates?” Benjamin had teased after seeing the small renovations the last homeowner made which helped the house look even better in person.
I’d playfully knocked my shoulder into his where he leaned against the breakfast bar as I walked past with armfuls of books. “And let you fill the place with all of your nerdy shit, Benji? No way!”
Natalie’s husband had chuckled at my antics, knowing full well that I loved all of his sci-fi posters, and retorted, “well, you have to find some way to fill the space—this is too much for just one person!”
Luckily, I’d been out of sight when Benjamin teased me about being alone because I was unable to hold back the frown which dimmed my expression. Clearly, he hadn’t meant any harm, but I’d suddenly found myself wishing that things had worked out with Josh so that when I told them I was pregnant they wouldn’t worry about me being here all by my lonesome with a baby on the way.
“I’m sure she’ll manage, Benny,” Natalie had chastised from somewhere else in the house. “Now come help me with her mattress so we can get out of Ames’s hair.”
That had been a week ago and now that I’d recycled the last box after putting everything in its place, the reality of it all set in. I sighed contentedly, sinking further into the navy-blue couch, and set a hand on my lower stomach. “I think this’ll work out,” I said to myself and the clump of cells growing slowly inside me. “It’ll be just you and me, Peanut, and that’s all I want.” It was a lie, but lying to a zygote didn’t seem that bad, especially when I couldn’t even convince myself that I wanted Josh back in my life—inourlives.
Chapter Nineteen
Joshua
“Haveyoutriedcallingher old office?” Anthony asked, swiping a café napkin over his mouth to catch any stray crumbs. “I think that’s where I’d look first.”
Rolling my eyes, I answered, “I have. Her older sister said that she isn’t working there anymore and wouldn’t tell me anything else.” Not that I could blame her.
I’d phoned Body, Heart & Mind the day after I finalized my divorce from Laila, nervously tapping my fingers on the desk in my office at Collective Expectations. When Amelia’s sister, who I’d met in passing, answered, I’d thought my luck was beginning to change.
But what began as a polite conversation quickly turned sour once she realized who I was. “Oh,Mr. Adams,” she’d said, and I could hear her sneer over the phone. “Amelia doesn’t work here anymore and I think it’s in your best interest not to call here again.”
“Wait!” I’d cried out, earning a confused look from my secretary who sat nearby ready to take notes. “I just want to apologize to her, nothing more.”
“You must think I’m stupid, Mr. Adams,” Amelia’s sister had spat. “Since you are no longer a patient here, I believe I’m at liberty to say that I don’t thinksheneeds to hear anything from a man like you.”
Someone must have noticed our conversation on her end because her voice suddenly turned cheerful again. “I’m afraid I can’t give you any more information, sir. Have a nice day!” And then the line had gone dead.
“Sounds like your search might be all for naught,” Anthony mused after I relayed that encounter and when I grimaced, he added, “But, she did give you more than you think. Amelia’s sister said she didn’t workthereanymore, right? So maybe your next step is to call all the clinics in a fifty-mile radius?”
I looked at him sardonically. “No one in town has someone named Amelia Roberts working for them.”
Anthony hummed and stared into his coffee cup as though the steaming brown liquid would give us the answers we were looking for. “I guess she might not be a physical therapist anymore,” he finally said. “You’ll just have to keep your eyes peeled, man.”
“Thanks,” I scoffed, reclining in the café seat to watch people hurry down the streets bundled in scarves and coats. “I…I just wish I’d gotten to see her that morning she left.”
Anthony glanced up, his curly black hair bouncing lightly as he laughed, “that just means you’ll see her again—the universe, or something, will find a way.”
“Uh huh,” I grunted, scratching at the back of my neck, which was now free of marks. When I’d showered this morning I noticed that the few remaining bruises left by Amelia had faded to a sickly yellow and would soon be gone, making me feel even more hopeless.
And now that Anthony was suggesting I trust serendipity to bring me to her, I didn’t know what to do other than keep calling every physical therapy clinic in the entire state. My best friend swallowed the last dregs of his caffeinated beverage and stood, offering, “you know, if this doesn’t work out, I’m sure the girls down at the club would love to see you again.”
And then he went to go throw his trash away, leaving me to wallow in the thought that I was too old to have another meaningful relationship. I knew most married men in their forties salivated at the chance to have some young piece of ass to mess around with for a while, but I’d done that before Amelia as a way to cope with the divorce—it was fun, but only for so long.
I wanted to come home to the same woman every night and enjoy learning about all her quirks and preferences like I had with Laila all those years ago. I wanted someone to read over the manuscripts with me and add her own notes. I wanted her to tremble with pleasure beneath my fingers and spend long hours in the middle of the night telling me all of her hopes and dreams.
I wanted Amelia.
After Anthony and I parted ways, I strolled down the street for a while longer, admiring young couples in love as I passed by and a few elderly pairs shuffling hand in hand to the nearby park. When I began to get jealous of them, I decided to use that as fuel to find Amelia, and I vowed there, under the clear, blue November sky, that I would find her, come hell or high water.
And once I did, I would make sure that she knew how much I loved her and that I was sorry for turning into the grumpy old man Laila had accused me of being.
