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“So then why are you here?” she inquired further, tugging at some invisible thread which would cause me to unravel. “Wouldn’t it be easier to leave all of it in the past, including me?”
“That night,” I began, watching as Amelia’s poker face fractured ever so slightly, “I told you I’d never forget you and I was telling the truth.”
“So you decided to come to the convention in hopes of seeing me and starting a relationship?”
I sucked in a breath at the bluntness of her words and decided not to tell her I’d also gone to three other conventions in nearby cities that I’d been emailed about after signing up for the one today. Finally, I answered the only way I could think to. “Yes.”
Amelia sighed and any remaining mirth or happiness drained from her as she repeated what she’d said earlier, “Josh, this wouldn’t work out.”
“It might not,” I allowed, fighting the urge to reach across the table and take her hand in mine, “but I had to try.” And then I opened the floodgates to my heart—“Amelia, I’m sorry that I chose Laila instead of you and that I let you leave that day. I’m sorry that I didn’t see past the obstacles in our way and was so childish when you tried to move on. I’m sorry that you had to go find what you wanted from me in the arms of another man. And I’m sorry that I didn’t spend every day I had you in my life telling you that I loved you.”
It wasn’t eloquent but it was real. And I knew Amelia realized that when she looked down at her shake and murmured, “I never slept with Santiago.”
She said it like she was ashamed, like she had lied to me, as though I hadn’t simply assumed that they were sleeping together without Amelia saying anything. I leaned closer with my elbows on the table, ignoring the way my sleeves started to stick to it, and whispered, “look at me, pretty girl.”
Shyly, Amelia did what I asked, looking like she was about to cry. I smiled softly at her. “That doesn’t change anything, Red. I mean, I’m glad you didn’t, but even if you had, I wouldn’t care now.”
Amelia straightened her posture, the weight lifting off her shoulders, and she swiped at her cheeks with the lace-trimmed edge of her inky-black sleeves. I waited, letting her take in everything else I’d said, and then she spoke—
“Thank you for that, Josh…I needed closure and that definitely helped.” Surprisingly, her expression still remained sad as she continued, “but that doesn’t mean we can be together.”
I had thought that my declaration would make Amelia forget all her worries and show her I was ready to be the man she wanted. “What more do you want?” I implored, desperately grasping for anything. “I-I love you, still, Amelia. I’ll do anything, all you have to do is ask.”
She sniffled then and reached for my hands, taking them in hers. “There isn’t anything you can do, Josh. We had our time together and it was wonderful, but we aren’t meant to be together.”
“Why?”
“Because we live in different worlds,” Amelia replied, tracing over my knuckles with her fingertips tenderly. “I’m still trying to get my career started, I’ve just moved, and you just got divorced. That’s too many variables for a new relationship. Not to mention that I’m fifteen years younger than you.”
“That doesn’t matter,” I insisted, my thumbs coming to rest on her wrists where I could feel her pulse racing. “And we can figure out those other things. I’m committed to you, Amelia—it won’t be like before.”
Amelia breathed in deeply and stared directly into my eyes. “I’ve already gotten over you, Josh. It took a while but now I finally feel okay with it all.”
“Then why have you been acting excited to see me?” I countered with a frown. “Sure, you were trying to look angry at first, but we were just laughing together while we walked half an hour ago!”
“I missed you!” Amelia exclaimed like it was obvious.
“So then why fight the possibility of having a relationship?” I asked, feeling as though we were dancing around the real reason.
But Amelia refused to give it to me, only reiterating, “because we wouldn’t be good together. Our relationship basically exploded in our faces.”
I scowled and turned my head to look out the window. Amelia gingerly let go of my hands and there was a shuffling sound that drew my attention back to her—she was putting on her coat.
“Wait!” I shouted frantically. “Please, let’s just calm down and keep talking. I mean, the food hasn’t even come yet.”
Amelia shook her head gently and sent me a tearful, half smile. “It was really nice to see you, Josh, but this is the end. Please don’t look for me anymore.”
In the green depths of her eyes swam the truth she was keeping from me and I stared, trying to decipher what it could be as she stood. She passed by and I reached out to tenderly grasp her wrist. “I’ll be staying at the hotel on Fifth Avenue for a few more days to close some business deals. If you…if there’s anything else you want to tell me, that’s where I’ll be.”
And then I let her go, my fingers brushing over the soft skin of her hand in a farewell. Amelia said nothing, only gazing down at me forlornly before heading for the door. Mama Claire’s bell rang brightly as she opened it, signaling her exit from the diner and, possibly, my life.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Amelia
IhadSundayoff,which gave me plenty of time to think about last night.
When I’d looked down at Josh grasping my wrist with heartbreaking reverence glowing in his features, I had almost stopped and gone to sit back down. It took all of my willpower to leave and for my pride, I was grateful. But for anything else—love, hope, fate—I was disappointed.
