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I want my words to fly at him like daggers, but he seems to have turned them into tiny pebbles instead. Only a minor flinch betrays any kind of remorse from Parker. He lowers his voice, an unusual frown pulling down his features as he leans toward me. “How do you know this isn’t me keeping an oath?”
“I think being held against my will in the back of a wagon in the middle of nowhere unravels that theory,” I say, my breathing fast and shallow. The rope tied around my hands and feet is the only thing keeping me from pouncing— from clawing at him like a cat attacking its prey.
He simply shrugs in response, his frown now a memory as his usual smirk slides back into place. “You make a fair point, Princess. Now, this oath-breaker is going to take a little nap. It’s tiring business, breaking promises and kidnapping members of the royal family. My body could really use the rest.” And after his snide remark, he lies down and closes his eyes, wadding up his jacket to place underneath his head.
I would give just about anything for this rope to give me more leeway so I could kick the smugness from his face while he sleeps.
The next few days drone on, one replacing the other with the same drudgery and schedule. Men meeting us with fresh horses, riding through the night, watching Onah and Parker sleep only inches away from my reach. The only time the thick, scratchy rope isn’t digging into my wrists is my two minute bathroom break in the afternoons.
A minuscule joy fills me when I notice the wagon slowing down. “Alright, Princess. I’ve come to rescue you from your misery,” my kidnapper jokes. Parker Aldren is much too happy for his own good. Onah, the onery old woman, is his opposite in every way. It’s as if Haythen knew they were both needed to balance out the other’s presence in this world.
He’s mostly kept to himself since his true identity came to light. No more regaling us with tales of his family, or bantering with Onah.
A stray lock of his hair falls into one eye. As he rakes it back, he holds out his other hand to help me down. “Thank you,” I say as I step to the ground, and I berate myself for my politeness. The traitorous guard deserves no gratitude from me. I rip my hand from his the moment my feet find the steady earth below me.
For the sake of modesty, Onah is usually the one who takes me out a little ways so I can go to the bathroom. It’s as embarrassing as one might imagine, peeing in the presence of not only a stranger, but someone who hates you for no reason other than the station you were born into. I've never tried to befriend her during our brief time alone— not like it’s easy to do so while you’re squatting in the dirt anyway. Her scowl and petty remarks abouthow far I’ve fallenare enough to deter me from the prospect as it is.
This time, however, it would seem Onah is asleep. Her rattling snores are hard to miss. Parker makes a quick decision to let his ill-tempered partner keep her sour attitude in the dream world, instead accompanying me behind a cluster of trees.
I open my mouth to mutter anotherthank youfor saving us all the heartache of Onah’s consciousness, but decide thanking my captor for kindness only gets to happen once a day. And only because I was raised to be a gracious woman.
“Now, you’re going to have to do something you hate,” Aldren starts.You mean besides being held against my will?“You will need to hold a conversation with me. I would prefer to give you some privacy, but in order to do that I need to know you’re still behind that tree. It seems the lesser of two evils, talking to a man you despise versus having that man watch you relieve yourself. So, which would you prefer, Princess?”
“I have a name. And it’s notprincess,” I sharply respond.
“I do know. I apologize,” he says, dipping his head ever so slighty. His words sound oddly sincere. “Old habit I suppose. What would you like me to call you? You never did clarify.”
“Lena is fine. I’m princess of nothing out here, and I loathed the title even in the safe confines of the palace.” The corners of his mouth twitch upward and his brow furrows as he takes in my answer. Something betwixt, why wouldn’t you enjoy being a princess?And, aren’t you so glad I saved you from that miserable existence?
“Why notAdalena? It is your given name after all.”
My brows knit together as I let myself study his face. I forget this man once silently served by my side. The reticent statue. The watchful sentinel to never be seen or heard. What did he learn in his time at the palace?
He stops me in front of a large oak, motioning for me to walk behind. I obey, walking around until I'm out of sight, lifting my skirts and crouching down, always the compliant girl I was raised to be.
Looking around me I see nothing but the beauty of the forest. The trees swaying freely with the breeze, bushes and grass and flowers growing unencumbered. The sun shines effortlessly to the ground, bouncing through the umbrella of branches and leaves from above.
I’m so tired of being the agreeable, submissive, dutiful daughter. Of feeling helpless. Of always being in another’s control. Something inside of me snaps. I forcefully inhale as the reverberation thrashes through me, my eyes glistening with the unfairness of it all.
My next words spill out of me as if they have a mind of their own, finding a home where there once was nothing but conforming, disciplined space. “That name,Adalena— it’s such a mouthful. It belonged to a great-grandmother that I never knew. I always felt like it imprisoned me into a future I had no control over. I’m a descendant of proper royal names, and proper royal women, who step flawlessly from one role to the next. Never questioning their place. It’s an ever-constricting noose around my neck.” My hands rest against my throat, rubbing away the ghost of pain throbbing across my skin.
“I’m part of a legacy of royals who accept the unspoken agreement to support their husbands, bear children and heirs, and on the rare occasion, to lead. Whether they are prepared or capable or even want to means nothing. Nobody asks. Nobody objects. Like a puppet, the strings are pulled and everyone complies.” My sarcasm and frustration melt together seamlessly.
I’m bearing my soul to a complete stranger. The handsome, treasonous guard. Words which have hung inside me since Evander— since I abruptly went from child, to woman, in a matter of minutes. I didn’t even realize they existed in me until now, the awareness of their presence exploding out of me. A truth that can no longer stay hidden inside.
Parker shows no emotion at my revelation. I take a deep breath, color surging to my cheeks. Why did I tell him this? The dishonest guard couldn’t care less about me and my privileged woes. Roan hasn’t even heard these inner most thoughts. Not that he wouldn’t understand. I’m sure more than most he would. But after my brother died, something shifted in him. We are friendly, and I care for him deeply— but somehow it no longer feels like we are on the same side.
Parker Aldren doesn’t seem to have a side. Or maybe he does, and he’s good at hiding it.
It’s just the loneliness, I tell myself. If there was anybody else to talk to, I would shut my mouth to the man next to me. The one who forcefully took me from my home. Someone I should hate and despise until the end of time. Someone who deserves to stay in a dungeon for the rest of eternity. But the anger at these facts never seems to surface. I wait for it— even desire it to come. But looking over my shoulder, his back to the tree to give me even more privacy, the fury only comes toward the name and title I never wanted.
I stand, smoothing my skirts and wiping at my eyes before I walk back around, preparing myself for his judgment— a reply about how good I have it. How I should be grateful. That my life is prized and coveted by all who lay their eyes on me. But that never comes either.
Where I’ve only seen sarcasm and cold eyes, now I see genuine warmth. As I study his face, I realize Parker isn’t that much older than me. And I'm loath to admit it, but I can’t even remember when he first arrived at the palace. How long had he been a guard? How many times did we interact, and I didn’t even notice him?A good leader knows who has her life in their hands.
“I don’t know how I would fend, having my future planned for me. Given everything you’ve experienced, I’d say it makes sense that you feel this way, Lena.” My heart skips a beat, though I don't know why.
Gone is the cheekiness I’ve come to expect from him, and in its place an unexpected kindness. There has always been an emptiness behind his use ofprincess, but with my preferred name there is a glimpse of sincerity. Is this the trick of a criminal? Warm up to their prey before they stick a dagger in their heart? I stand awkwardly across from him, arranging a wrinkle from my sleeve as if I’m not surreptitiously trying to figure out what’s below the surface of Parker Aldren.
