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CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
NEOMI
I wakeup feeling at peace.
I got a good night’s rest for the first time in a long time.
Weird that it’s also the morning after I was involved in a high-speed chase and shot at. Oh, and I also killed two men.
My throat tightens at the reminder.
The peace is fading.
I’m no murderer.
It was self-defense.
It was either them or us.
I chose us.
Chose to live.
But that doesn’t stop guilt from swarming my soul and biting into my flesh.
They were bad men who would’ve killed more people,is how I attempt to reassure myself that I’m not a terrible human.
Stretching out in bed, I hear Benny’s voice downstairs. His words aren’t clear enough for me to make out though.
My body is sore, but it’s a comforting ache.
A memory of what happened last night.
What I gave my husband.
All our arguing and fake hating had been nothing but foreplay.
I slide out of bed, stroll to the bathroom, and turn on the shower. While waiting for it to warm, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. My cheeks blush as I remember all the ways he touched me.
I begged Benny to fuck me.
Broke the promise to myself.
But surprisingly, my dignity is fully intact.
He had been right.
I begged. Pleaded. I wanted him so desperately that I would’ve done anything he asked.
At least he didn’t force me onto my knees … yet.
I’m sure his filthy mouth and touch have that planned for us sometime.
I didn’t want Benny to know I was a virgin.
I knew he wasn’t one, so keeping my virtue a secret gave me a sense of satisfaction. I wanted him to assume I’d also been up to no good before our marriage.
I’ve had opportunities to lose my virginity, but my conscience wouldn’t allow it. If someone found out I had slept with another man while engaged to Benny, there’d have been hell to pay. And I wouldn’t have been the one paying for that hell. It’d have been the man. So, I steered clear of dating and sleeping around.
