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She nods in understanding but doesn’t say anything, letting me explain.
“When I met you, I was teetering on the edge. While we were together, I toned it down a bit, getting lost in you. It had been so long since I connected with another person that I craved you more than the drugs… just barely.
“The night you found me with those women, Braxton announced he was officially moving out and in with Kaylee, and Declan asked if you and I were getting serious and if I planned to move you in or get our own place.
“Realizing how close we’d gotten scared the shit out of me. I had already failed my mom and Tori, and you had lost so much. I knew I wasn’t in a place to take care of you like you deserved, so I went out and got fucked up, then brought those women back, knowing once you saw them, it would push you away.”
Her pouty lips curve into a small frown, and I hate myself all over again for what I did. “I was using heavy shit, Sadie. Heroin and coke… I don’t even remember that night, to be honest. But when I woke up and found your letter, enough surfaced for me to put the pieces together. The day you walked away began my downward spiral, ending with me hitting rock bottom.”
“The overdose,” she whispers.
“Yeah. It all just became too much. I was missing you and hating myself for what I did to you. I went to the cemetery and visited Tori… and I just…” I shake my head, the words failing me.
“Did you mean to overdose?”
“Yeah, I did,” I admit. “It was a moment of weakness, but that’s all it takes. Declan found me, and they saved my life. I checked into rehab and spent the next ten months getting sober.”
Her brows shoot up. “Ten months?”
“Ninety days in rehab, then seven months in isolation with my sponsor and therapist. I needed time to figure my shit out. I’d spent so long being high, I wasn’t sure how the hell to function sober and clean.”
I pull my keys out and show her my most recent chip. “It’s glow in the dark.” I shrug. “One year clean.” I flip to the other one I keep on my keys. “One day at a time.”
“I’m so proud of you, Gage,” she says, placing her hand on mine that’s holding the tags.
“Thank you.” I sniff and place the keys back in my pocket. “A part of recovery is going to meetings and seeing a therapist, but another part of it is facing the shit I did while I was high, which includes facing what I did to you. I know it’s going to take time for you to trust me, but I’m going to work every day to earn it. To show you I’m not that guy.”
“I hope so,” she says, her voice wobbly. “Vincent swore so many times he was clean, and I know you aren’t him, but you have to understand that drugs are a hard limit for me, so trusting you is going to be extra hard.”
“And I’ll just have to work extra hard to earn your trust,” I tell her. “Now, you were saying… After I hurt you and you left, you went home?”
“Yeah. I went home and finally mourned. I cried and cried until all the tears dried up. Then I cleaned out the house and put it up for sale, only keeping some of Collin’s things, like pictures he drew and photos I took… I gave Vincent’s parents his stuff since I didn’t want any of it.
“The day I learned who you were from the news running the story of you overdosing, I also learned I was pregnant. I was already living in Virginia and renting a two-bedroom home, living off the little bit I made from the sale of the house. Between that and the savings we had put away, I could afford to be home with Rory. But I love working, so recently, I started working again. I’m an editor, so I can work from home. I do it when Rory is napping and after she goes to bed. It keeps me busy and stops my brain from turning to mush.”
“You’re amazing,” I tell her, meaning that wholeheartedly. She was at her lowest, lost her entire world, and managed to turn her life around all on her own.
“I don’t know about that,” she says shakily.
“You are.” I take her hands in mine. “Thank you… for being the mother and father Rory needed. I promise you, from today forward, I’ll be there in any way I can be. I know you don’t need the money, but I’m going to pay you for back child support.” She opens her mouth to argue, but I don’t let her speak. “Please. She’s my daughter too, and I want to take care of her. It’s bad enough I won’t be able to see her every day. Please let me at least do this.”
