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“Night. Thank you for calling.”
We hang up, and I sit in silence, staring at my phone, wishing I could be there with them. Seeing my daughter for five minutes a night isn’t enough, but I don’t know what else to do. I pull my keys out of my pocket and glance at the tag I got when I started NA: One day at a time. I need to remember this.
“Hey, man, I’m going to go to a meeting,” I tell Braxton when we pull up to his place and get out.
“All right.” He pats me on the shoulder. “I know we’ve all said it, but we’re here for you. You’ve been thrown a major curveball, and it’s got to be a lot to handle.”
“I did this to myself. If I wouldn’t have been high…” I take a deep breath, remembering what Viola said about the past. “Rory’s not a curveball. She’s my daughter. I just need to figure out how all the pieces fit. I hate them being so far away.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you were heading in one direction, and suddenly, you’re being spun in circles. It’s okay if you don’t figure it all out right away. You only just found out about her a few days ago.”
“Because I was an addict and fucked up big time. Rory and Sadie deserve better than this shit.”
“Speaking of which…” Braxton smirks. “From what Declan said, you and Sadie were pretty hot and heavy before. Any chance you two have picked up where you left off?” He waggles his brows, and I groan.
“Are you two seriously gossiping like a couple of chicks?” I punch him playfully in the arm. “Quit it.”
“Still didn’t answer the question.”
“Her husband was an addict. He’s the reason her son is dead. I met her crying on their graves, unable to go home after she lost her entire fucking world.” I glance at the bustling pedestrians and cars on the road. “She didn’t tell me that I have a daughter out of fear of history repeating itself. The only thing I can hope for is a chance to be a father to Rory.
“Besides, she’s already seeing someone. She said it’s not serious, but…” I shrug.
“What if she was willing to give you a chance?”
I think back to the way she felt in my arms, in my bed. The way we could talk for hours or just simply walk in silence. Even as fucked up as I was back then, I knew Sadie was a fucking keeper. It’s why I pushed her away. And that was when she was at her lowest, grieving and devastated. Spending time with her now… Fuck, I already know she’s the whole damn package. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, is a damn good mom to our daughter, is sweet and forgiving—I mean, even hurt and pissed, she still let me in—and gorgeous… beyond gorgeous.
“I’d scoop her up so quick and never let her go,” I admit. “I’d spend every day of our lives making sure she never hurt again. Making sure she felt loved and cared for. She spent so many years caring for others, putting up with her husband’s shit, my shit. When she walked away, she wrote me a note…” I swallow thickly, remembering the words. I’ve looked at them every day since she walked away. “Even after I hurt her, she still told me she believed in me. Told me to fight and find happiness.”
I choke up, wishing I could go back and make better choices. “She could’ve been my chance at happiness, but I fucked it all up,” I admit to Braxton. “Now, my punishment is that I’ll have to watch someone else be her happiness.”
“I think you should talk to your therapist,” he says, shocking the hell out of me since we rarely discuss my recovery. “You both deserve happiness, and there’s no reason you can’t be each other’s. Yeah, you messed up, but you don’t deserve to be punished for it.”
After going to an NA meeting and chatting with Gabe for a while, I text Viola, asking for an emergency session. She’s available an hour later, and we spend our time talking about the possibility of Sadie and me.
“What would you think about me meeting her?” Viola asks at the end of our conversation.
“Rory?”
“Well, her too. But I meant Sadie. As the mother of your daughter and the woman you clearly have feelings for, I would love to speak to her to see where she stands. Even if you two don’t end up together, you’ll be co-parenting for the rest of your lives. Maybe the next time you talk, you can bring it up and see what she thinks. It’s up to you.”
The next few days fly by, filled with music and Sadie and Rory from afar. I’m missing them like crazy, so when the guys mention taking the weekend off to spend time with their families, I ask Sadie if I can come visit, telling her I’ll stay in a hotel so it’s not awkward. Thankfully, she agrees, and Saturday morning, I’m on an early flight out. Since the town she lives in is quiet, I leave Paul behind and rent an SUV at the airport.
