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“You really wouldn’t.”
“You don’t think so?” She pushes a newly poured shot into my hand. “Why is that?”
“He’s not… very nice.”
“Oh?” She waits for me to clarify.
And it’s so tempting. I could tell her everything. Except I don’t recall telling her anything about Alec in the first place. Not even that I have a brother. And I wouldn’t because I can’t risk letting down my guard. Not with her. Not with Rogue. Not with Alec.
Ben must have talked about me. Can’t blame him. He doesn’t really know. Only that my brother thinks I’m crazy. He isn’t aware that my brother is a star. A monster. A manipulative liar.
“Let’s just have another shot.” She turns toward the bar as though she senses I’m on the edge.
This anxious fluttering in the pit of my stomach hasn’t let up since I talked to Rogue… didn’t talk to Rogue… because something is definitely wrong. It just keeps quietly growing. Expanding with every breath.
“Have fun,” she says. “Hit the dance floor.”
The burn behind my eyes surprises me. It shouldn’t. We were drinking vodka before the club. I’m uncertain of my future. Rogue is mad at me. Or the world. I don’t know if I can survive the crazy that my life has become without losing me. And love, when it feels like this… how does anyone survive it? I’m obsessed. Practically manic with the need to see him.
I don’t want to be this girl who falls apart over the boy. Deep down I knew that at some point the phone calls and messages and love were going to dry up. Felt that it would break me. Tried to keep my distance.
“Oh.” Her eyes light up. “I love this song.”
My phone, it’s been in my hand all night. Silent. Frozen. Well, not vibrating at least. Not lit up. Not making a sound. I feel so disconnected. I’ve wished it would ring a million times since we jumped into the Uber that brought us here. I’ve tried to will messages into existence with the strength of my need to hear Rogue’s voice. Now, it vibrates? When I can’t catch my breath.
I lift it automatically. Light up the device. My heart stops, but it doesn’t. My chest hollows out but the blood pounds in my ears. I press my thumb to the glass and the image on the screen changes before I have time to even register that this message is from Alec. This image is breaking my heart.
Three words underneath it.Liar. Thief. Cheat.
I gasp. Two quick inhales that don’t touch the tightness in my lungs.
“What is it?” Dizzy’s voice seems to come from very far away as I realize it’s not a photo but a video.
The couple on the screen come to life right in front of my eyes. His hands are on her ass and her fingers are in his hair and their mouths are so close together. An inch maybe between them. Intent written so clearly all over the screen.
A tear slips down the side of my nose when she rises up on tip toe. Splats on the image. Distorts it, magnifies the way he’s touching her. The way she’s touching him. Kissing him. “Rogue.”
“Oh shit,” Dizzy says over my shoulder. “Oh, Ivy.”
“It can’t be real.” My voice comes out quick. Tiny. Foreign to my own ears. Logical in a way that doesn’t stop the thrum of emotion pushing, pushing, pushing me to an edge I don’t want to fall over. “It’s old footage. Before me. Before us. He wouldn’t—”
“Hang on.” She taps at the screen and the clip starts again.
I don’t want to look at it. Squeeze my eyes shut. Alec is trying to screw with me. Hurt me. Wants me to believe his lies so I’m more amenable. Maybe he’s worried that he doesn’t have the same hold over me he did when I was a kid. Maybe he’s figured out that I’m working against him. He had to have suspected. Surely.
Dizzy takes the phone from my hand, puts the speaker to her ear. “This is here. This song was just playing.”
The song has only just changed. I snatch my phone back to listen. I didn’t hear it because it was the song that is being pumped through the sound system. So loud. My breath catches. Turns hot. Cranks up like a furnace inside me. This is here? Now? I stare at the edges of the video, trying to avoid the heartbreaking middle. The part that wants to turn me into the kind of girl who wants to claw another girl’s eyes out. The part that makes me want to run away and hide. “Where?”
“The VIP area.” Dizzy points to a set of stairs that lead up to a mezzanine.
I dart into the crowd, charging in that direction. Push and shove my way through the people having a good time. Ignore the dirty looks. I have to see for myself. With my own two eyes. I have to know if this is Alec toying with me.
“And if it’s not? What then?” the little voice in the back of my head asks. Is it my fault? Did I bring this on myself by keeping so many secrets? Or did I just make the biggest mistake of my life by falling in love with the one man who could put my heart back together and make me stronger. Because he’s also the one who could tear me apart. Leave me worse off than he found me. Dr. Keller’s stupid belief that I’m strong enough to get over another loss is all just bluster.
The guy at the bottom of the stairs to the VIP section looks at me like he’ll tackle me if I try to get past him. He wears black and has serious posture and an even more serious set to his jaw.
“I need to get up there,” I say. “My boyfriend is up there.”
