Page 29 of Madd Love


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“I don’t remember any of this.”

Taking two glasses from a cupboard above his head, he fills them from a spout in the fridge door. He hands me one and keeps the other for himself. “The doc said that you’re having trouble remembering anything that happened after last summer?”

I wrap one arm around my waist and put the glass down on the counter. “Um, I remember waking up in a place like the hospital. Sunny Health Resort. I spent some time there, but it all gets kind of blank after that.”

“So you don’t remember how we met?” His chest pauses like he won’t be able to breathe until I answer him. “Or us dating? Or… any of us?”

“No.” I walk a few steps away to put some much needed distance between us. I feel so lost and alone in my own head. I should have the answers for his questions, but I don’t.

“What do you remember about me?” He leans against the counter, watching me the whole time with an air of readiness about him. Like he’s waiting for me to need him.

“Uh… you’re a celebrity.” One I happen to have had a long term crush on, because crushing on someone I would never meet seemed like a safe idea to a girl who was painfully shy. Apparently I was wrong about that. “You’re a twin. Both of your brothers are actors too. The youngest one is more of a rock star though.”

“So…” He reaches up and scratches the back of his neck while he fights to keep the tension out of his expression. “Basically only what you would read on the internet?”

“Yes.”

“And your brother?” He puts his glass down.

“Alec?” My muscles feel shaky. Probably from a combination of medication and my body trying to recover from what I put it through. My vision tunnels on what I remember. “The last time I saw Alec was in the hospital before I went to Sunny. He’d pulled me out of the water and started CPR. He’d called the ambulance to come get me.”

It seems like yesterday, but it was so long ago.

“You should probably sit.” Rogue is beside me, hooking my chin with his knuckle and peering down at me. “You look—”

“I’m okay.” I have to be. Even if he’s probably correct that I should sit down, I’m too uncomfortable in this strange space to be still.

He huffs out a breath and the hand that was touching me falls against his thigh. “The doc said your memories should come back with rest and time.”

“She said theycould. It’s not a guarantee.” I hold myself tighter as I move further into the open plan living area in the hopes that something about my environment will jump out at me. It doesn’t. “I could just as easily never recall what I’ve lost.”

Never know why I made the decisions I did. Or how I got hurt. Or what it was like to love this man. My husband.

There’s a huge glossy poster stretched out on cork board on the wall. “Is that the artwork for your latest movie?”

“Yeah.”

I study the image of a professor and his student. The background is remarkably similar to the campus I went to. “Did you film this at Cal State?”

“You remember?” He sounds so hopeful.

“I recognize the grounds. Nothing else about it is familiar.” I glance around the rest of the room. “Nothing about any of this is familiar.”

The lines around his eyes and mouth deepen. There’s a depth of pain in those blue orbs that might rock me if I knew the man. “Then you’ll get familiar with it like it’s the first time.”

“You mean you.” That’s where that sadness is coming from. “I’ll become familiar with you again.”

His chest caves. “If that’s what it takes. I can’t let you go again.”

“Did you let me go? What happened between us?” I could tell at the hospital that he was hiding something. He isn’t wearing a wedding band either. But we’re no longer in the presence of my mother. So what don’t I know that he would want to keep quiet?

He swallows and his Adam apple bounces. His gaze drifts to his feet.

“Did you hurt me?” It’s like I’m talking about someone else. Someone who isn’t me. This whole situation is an out of body experience. “Did we break up? Did you leave me for some reason? Did I leave you?”

We were swamped when we left the hospital. Reporters and paparazzi everywhere. They asked these questions as he tucked me into the passenger seat of his Jeep.

His mouth contorts and I guess he’s trying to work out what to say, but I just want the truth. Something I can come to peace with. “Is that why neither of us are wearing wedding bands?”

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