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I reached out and gently—very gently—ran my thumb over the corner of his mouth. I didn’t know what to say or do—I wanted to keep kissing him, but that would clearly hurt him, so I didn’t.
“Val—I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” I told him.
He dropped his head, staring down at his cast or the hand in his lap, I wasn’t sure which.
“It’s—I’m—” I was struggling. I didn’t know how to say what I needed to say. To tell him that none of this had ever been about him, but aboutmeand the fact that I’m an insufferable fuck-up. “I’m here,” I whispered, finally, taking his good hand in both of mine, running my thumb over the back of his hand. “I want to be here for you. I’m a jerk and an asshole and a bastard—”
“Val—”
I swallowed. “I fell for you a long time ago, and I’m sorry it took me so long to stop being such a stubborn jackass—”
“Val,” he said again, more firmly this time.
I looked up at him, expecting judgment or anger. I saw neither. “What?” I asked.
The very ghost of a smile flitted across his split lips. “I’m here, too.”
I pulled him into my lap, and he pressed his lips against my forehead, and I let myself close my eyes and just be with him. Breathing in the warmth and sunshine scent of his skin, hearing his breath, feeling the weight of his body and the curve of his ribs and hips against my hands.
“Be with me?” I asked, terrified of the answer, but no longer able to not ask the question. Because not only could I no longer deny how I felt about him, but it was crystal fucking clear to me that I didn’t want to.
I wanted Taavi in my life, and I wanted to see if we could make this—whatever it was—work. And I don’t share.
But I was also painfully aware that my timing was absolute shit. I wasn’t going to walk out the door if he said no—not when he’d been attacked and injured. But I also didn’t want to just keep… doing whatever and not being up front about the fact that what I wanted was a relationship, not just a fuck or two.
Maybe my abrupt about-face was too much, too quickly. Maybe—
“I’d like that,” he murmured into the skin of my forehead.
My chest felt full, my throat tight with emotion I wasn’t quite ready to process, so I pulled him closer, tucking my face against the side of his neck. I gently nuzzled the curved arc of his tattoo. His skin was warm and smelled just a little like spice and sand.
He rested his cheek on the top of my head, and I just held him, breathing in air that had been heated by his body and perfumed by his skin. And, for a few minutes at least, my mind settled and I could simply enjoy holding him in my arms.
For a few minutes.
Before my stupid brain decided to fixate on the fact that I was almost certainly going to fuck this up at some point. I pulled in a deep breath, then let it out.
“Taavi?”
“Yeah?”
“Kick my ass if I’m ever that stupid again?”
That made him laugh, the warm, cinnamon and chocolate sound I already adored so much. “Okay, but only because you asked.”
* * *
I needed a shower.And I needed to change my clothes, since I’d been wearing them for almost twenty-four hours straight, including sleeping in them. While I probably could have showered at Taavi’s place, I didn’t have anything to change into that wasn’t rumpled to fuck and flecked with food and blood, and Taavi was a foot shorter than me, so I couldn’t exactly borrow something.
And I had to feed Pet.
She was already going to be pissed as fuck at me that I hadn’t come home last night, and since I hadn’t left her extra food, I really needed to feed her.
“Taavi?”
He’d half-fallen asleep against me again. “Hmm?”
