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Michael stands on the jet ski, cranks up the music and cuts through the sea, spins around, jumps up, all while I tightly clutch onto his waist, sit and stand, adjusting to his motions; it’s not just my shark phobia, but I’m also absolutely terrified.
When have I ever allowed myself to let go like this, I ask myself, and if you’re going to let go, then he’s the person to do it with. I’m on top of the world. I’m starting to regain my sense of self-worth. I feel strong at his side, trusting; I’ve let all my walls down. I’m ecstatic, surrounded by the sound of the engine and water jets; my adrenaline skyrockets. Then, all at once, he silences the engine and the music, and stops, looks at me and flashes his pearly white smile. Silence.
“Is everything alright?” I ask with surprise, somewhat startled.
“Sam! I just wanted to let you know that I really like you.” He turns his head to me and pecks me on the lips.
“I couldn’t be luckier!” I declare. “I love it. I have to do this each and every time I visit the beach! I’m so full of adrenalin! I’m absolutely high!”
“Me too,” he laughs and restarts the engine.
When we return, Ella, the manager at the nearby restaurant, awaits us.
“Everything is ready,” she whispers to Michael and signals with her arm at the isolated table that had been pre-booked, allowing us a couple of precious, quiet and peaceful moments void of camera flashes and screaming fans. Michael pulls the chair out for me, allows me to sit down, then pushes the chair in and sits in his. He’s so gentle on the one hand, I think to myself, and then on the other, he’s an irresistible man. I want to lose myself with him. I want him inside me, dissipating all the pain and sorrow, and make my anxieties vanish. I simply want to die and be reborn in his arms.
But then, in an instant, my deviant thoughts are pushed aside when I start thinking about Roy. Oh, how he would have enjoyed being here with me, in this magical place. Does he miss me? What’s he doing right now? What would he have thought of me if he knew where I was? And what would happen next? The questions spin through my head.
Michael recognizes my mood shifting because I fall silent and reply laconically to his questions.
“Sam, is everything alright? Is something wrong? I suddenly sense that you’re not with me,” he asks warmly.
“I’m having such a good time here with you,” my voice trembles and breaks. “But I’m still very concerned and miss Roy.”
“Is that it?” he snickers. “Then why don’t you call your son and check in on him?”
“You won’t mind?” He surprises me. “I’m uncomfortable adding him to our journey. I thought I’d talk to him later, in private.
Michael smiles and puts his hand in mine.
“He’s already a huge part of our journey, don’t you think?”
“Michael, you’re right again,” I say and smile abashedly.
“It’s alright, gorgeous.” A smile spreads on his lips.
Gorgeous? Whatever. I just want to make love to him. I’m slobbering.
I quickly dial and he immediately picks up.
“Hello? Roy?” I’m excited. “How are you, my love? Is everything alright? I miss you so much.”
“Mommy!” he’s thrilled. “I love you and miss you a lot.”
“Please, listen to your dad, okay? And do everything he asks, okay my sweet boy? I promise that we’ll see each other soon, spend time together and cuddle.”
“Yes, Mommy,” he says, and abruptly ends the conversation, eager to go back to whatever he was doing.
As I hang up, I sense a tear sneaking into my eye; a tear of joy. I’m overwhelmed with a sense of liberation mixed with relief, as if putting back all the parts in my body that seemed to have shifted.
Michael looks at me and smiles softly.
“How great is it, right?”
“Yes,” I reply,” It’s priceless. It’s pure and unconditional love.”
“True. But unfortunately, I only had it till I was eleven years old. Then, my mom became clinically depressed and killed herself.” he tells me, and coils.
“What?” My heart breaks. “I’m so sorry!” I stand up and reach for him, sit on his lap, and hug him without saying a word. Then I break the silence by saying “I’m very sorry about your mother and for your loss. There’s so much pain in this life.”
