Page 18 of Double Devotion


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“I know!” he concludes. “But let’s put that aside for now,” he asks. “I don’t want to fiddle with that, I want to fiddle with you.”

“Fiddle with me?” I ask with somewhat bitter naivety. After all, he had only recently declared that it wasn’t the right time. Could he possibly be thinking that it’s time to take it to the next level?

“Like a fiddler on the roof?” he winks and jokes.

“I swear, you’re much more Jewish than I am!”

He laughs, “Israel and my Jewish identity have always been important to me. That’s also why I completed my army service. It’s part of my DNA.”

Now I’m not only charmed by him but also respect and appreciate him. It’s not a given to leave a life of luxury and comfort, put it all on hold for three years and then pick up where you’ve left off.

“My Jewish identity is a big part of me,” he places his hand on his chest with pride. “My father’s been involved in American politics ever since he was thirty years old. As you’ve probably understood, our whole image and roots were always important to him; he made sure that we spoke Hebrew at home, celebrated the holidays. Until it was all over,” he gets sad again. “Now we celebrate from afar. Nowadays my family is my sister, Michelle, and my father. The last grandmother I had, on my mother’s side, passed away three years ago. All my mother’s fortune was transferred to my sister and me when we turned eighteen. You see, we never wanted for money. It was other things we lacked,” he clarifies. “Maybe that’s why I’ve always looked for meaningful relationships and not just sex. I’ve always aspired to feel comfortable with a woman without the fear of losing myself. I love this feeling of warmth, mutual care, the hugs, and erupting passion.”

“So, were you a lone soldier,” I asked with defying slyness.

“Kind of,” he replies. “But ever since I was eighteen, I’ve been living with Avi, the guy you met at the café.”

“Really?” I ask. As if I can forget who Avi is; I become grave.

“Yes. I bought the house we live in today before I started my service so it would be more comfortable, and because I’d planned on settling in Israel in the future, anyway,” he explains. “To make a long story short, I convinced Avi to live with me and we’ve been together ever since.”

“So Avi’s actually a good friend of yours?” I ask.

“No,” he replies. “Avi is my life; he’s the best guy ever. You should see it, all the women I meet fall at his feet. But unfortunately, all he thinks about is sex and business.”

“Well, he’s young, attractive and has no commitments, it’s completely natural for him to enjoy life,” I strangely defend him.

“That’s not exactly it,” he explains. “He acts dangerously a lot and even embarrasses me. He can walk around the house butt-naked all day and fuck like five different women a day, wherever and whenever he wants. He’s never grown up or takes anything into account. It’s really an addiction; he feels completely lost without sex. But he knows me better than I know myself,” he adds. “I think he’s the ideal person. It might sound a bit strange or funny,” he adds, “but he helped me a lot. He’s completely like a mother to me, always there, always keeps me safe, always has a kind word, never imposes. He’s helped me find out who I am and how much power I have within me ever since I’ve known him. I started making music, thanks to him. His brother, Dean, is a very significant figure in his life and back, when we met they were touring the US, he was the guitarist and lead singer of a very successful band in the nineties.”

“Really?” I’m breathless. “Which band? I know them all. Wait, let me think! Dean? What’s Avi’s last name?”

“Levi,” he smiles.

“Dean Levi?! From ‘Light to the Nation’? I can’t believe it! I was a huge fan! Look at me, I’m so excited! Positively lit. What a small world.”

“I totally agree,” he laughs. “I think he’s still the most talented guitar player in Israel today.”

I nod, “I completely agree,” I reply, charmed.

“Anyway,” he goes on, “he cured me and supported me through some very difficult and dark times. He helped me deal with all my addictions; in short, he’s everything to me. more than just a friend. More than a brother; I don’t know how to define it,” he apologizes. “I only know I’m here now thanks to him.”

“In this case, I should thank him in person,” I conclude with a charmed smile.

“No, no, there’s no need!” he declares. “Avi’s a real man, he’s not looking for gratitude, that’s just the way he is. He’s also been through a lot in life and, somehow, we’ve both found comfort in one another. He’s been with me for years, a true friend, a brother, a soulmate, however you want to put it.”

“Did you meet in Israel?” I ask.

“No,” Michael replies. “He just came to me out of nowhere. I was at a very low point in my life. I’d just broken up with my mythological ex, Shannon; we had a toxic relationship in every aspect you can imagine. I thought I’d join the army and take a break from all the madness at that time, so I talked to my agent about it at some diner in LA. Avi was also there with his brother, Dean, and they were talking in Hebrew, about the army and other things. He wore a Cookie Monster t-shirt and seemed so confident about it, and I was immediately fascinated by him. I went over to them and introduced myself. I asked them about the army and things kind of went on from there,” he concludes. “But if you’re still looking for someone to thank,” he says defiantly. “You can thank me,” and he kisses me again, this time for longer.

“I really do, wholeheartedly!” I declare. “You’re a real Prince Charming,” I say and warmly kiss his cheek.

“Sweetheart,” Michael laughs. “Everyone has a dark side, certainly so do I. You just need to be around more to see it. It definitely won’t come out in these two days, with me trying to impress you as much as I can so we can keep hanging out together and get to know each other better. I feel something really great can come out of this, don’t you?” and he perfectly winks at me with his right eye.

“Life has its own rhythm,” I conclude. “I’d love it if we keep in touch even after this journey is over. I feel very comfortable and safe with you,” I say and with my words ignore the insane sex-appeal that’s spreading around me. ‘I wish we’d have sex,’ I say a little prayer to myself. Something unnatural is happening here. I’ve never been rejected before, especially not for so long. But I remind myself that he’s actually just broken up with Dawn. He’s probably not ready to move on. Besides, she’s a model and an actress; she’s amazing, much more than I am. How can I be so selfish and self-absorbed? Look how broken and hurt he is; I get mad at myself, and the rogue thoughts won’t stop pounding my head. I think of this incredible man and how much he has done for me, even though he didn’t know me and currently has no sexual interest. He just likes me, likes being with me. He’s such a good person! I’m really this happy just by the privilege of spending time with him. Why does everything with me always have to do with attraction, with sex?

Honor him and his pace. Give him space! I’m furious with myself. I’m restraining myself for the first time in my life, trying to control my outer limits. I’m trying not to lose my mind and stay level-headed.

Tonight we’ll return to Israel and all this will remain the most amazing experience I’ve ever had in my life. I feel like I’m caving under the adrenalin and anxiety. I really don’t know if I could ever thank him for what he’s done; he showed me compassion and sensitivity. I could’ve lost myself and sunk into self-pity, but he wouldn’t let me. He was strong and did everything he could, so I’d deal with my demons in peace, without diverting my energy elsewhere. This man is different, he’s sensitive and considerate. It’s clear to me that underneath our superficial acquaintance lay many more layers I’d love to discover, if I’d only get the chance.

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