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A few minutes later, a waiter approaches me. “Would you like to order something?”
“A mint lemonade please.”
“Coming right up,” and he disappears into the café.
My table is quite isolated, and right by the sea. I breathe it in, again and again. “There you go,” says the waiter and serves me the cool drink. I thank him, take a cigarette out of my purse and light it. And there I sit, alternately puffing and sipping, trying to stop the tears from rolling. I look around me and see many people sitting in twos, drinking their morning coffees. Now I feel even smaller. The fantasy of sitting at the seaside and relaxing suddenly turns into anxiety, sure that everyone is watching me. I’ve never felt like I was anyone’s equal, always inferior, always looking for my own flaws. Even though people would tell me I was beautiful, deep down I felt very ugly and even destructive. Otherwise, why were people always turning their backs on me and hurting me so?
Therefore, I had always associated any interest from the opposite sex as nothing more than physical attraction. Cute enough, but just for having a good time for a short while. I didn’t want to have serious relationships, and I played games with them before they could play them with me. And yet, through all of that, I still managed to get married twice. Each time around I got sucked into married life with the same hope: for a man to embrace all of my flaws, who would love them as a part of who I am and would allow me to grow.
Instead, men would fear me. Perhaps because I succeeded to bare all their faults, so they preferred to shut themselves off to me. Unfortunately, men today aren’t manly at all. They think that showing vulnerability would shatter their egos. But to me, a self-assured man who chooses to lose himself in love without accounting for ego and other kinds of nonsense is one of the sexiest things. They interpret trivialities such as lack of confidence and escaping reality as alienation, condescension, or aloofness. And so, misperceptions are born and, as time goes by, the gaps grow wider and deeper.
As we know, fairytales are not based on reality, certainly not mine. My rashness and sensitivity, combined with my insistence to always stay true to myself, has battered my heart. On the one hand, I fight fearlessly for myself in the face of others who tried to change me while, on the other, give into these fears and hide behind a mask.
I am so complicated! I gaze again at the comforting sea. That deep blue has so much depth and magic. How many love stories and how many heartbreaks it contains. This city is so beautiful! The marina and the pier create an island of peace, far from the hustle and bustle of the beach and the city. Dozens of gorgeous yachts dock side-by-side and perfectly merge with the coastline and horizon of the open sea.
I inhale the tingly, salty air when, suddenly, an adorable boy about five years old, hurtles into the café with tears in his eyes. I wonder what’s wrong with him and immediately approach him with a few paper napkins in my hand.
“What’s the matter, sweetie? Are you alright?” I lean down towards him. His eyes are green, confused, red and weeping.
“I lost my mommy!” he sobs.
Chapter 2
“It’s alright sweetie, you have nothing to worry about,” I reassure him, “Everything is going to be alright! We’ll find your mommy, I promise!” I wipe away his tears as he blows his nose into the napkin in my hand.
“Are you sure we’re going to find my mommy?” he asks, eyes glistening with tears.
“Yes,” I reply with confidence, and smile. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave you till we find your mommy. What’s your name?”
“Dan.” He catches his breath.
“Dan, now calm down and let’s try to remember where you last saw your mommy,” I smile widely at him, trying to make him feel confident. He sniffles.
“Erm...”
A few minutes go by while Dan tries to relax and think. Suddenly, I hear a distant worried female voice. “Have you seen a little boy walking around?” I turn my head toward the sound and run up to a curly-haired woman with a horrified expression.
“You must be looking for your son?” I ask.
“Yes!” she replies and looks right at me. “I can’t believe it! Dan! It’s very dangerous to run off like that! I’ve explained this to you a million times before: you shouldn’t run away from me. I was going half mad. I looked for you everywhere. Thank you very much,” she smiles at me, relieved.
“No problem, he just got here,” I wave her words off. “What really matters is that the two of you are back together and everything is fine now.” I smile.
He hugs her tight and whispers to me ‘thank you.’
“Gladly,” I reply and stroke his hair. “You know, I have a son, about your age. At this age it would probably be better to attach a tracking device to them,” I add as I look at his mother and smile at her understandingly.
“Totally,” she concurs and laughs an easy, relieved laugh. “Thanks again!” they smile and walk away, embracing each other.
I return to my seat, breathing heavily. I look at my cell phone screen and am terribly surprised to find that only thirty minutes had gone by since I arrived.
Seriously? For real? Despite all the drama with little Dan, time just stands still. It’s even worse than sitting around the office and counting the minutes till the workday ends. It looks like I would have to pass the time somehow else.
As I ponder my possibilities, I hear the chair across from me moving. I lift my head, surprised, and see the most glorious, bright eyes I’ve ever seen.
“Pleased to meet you. May I have a seat?”
I truly thought he simply wanted to take the empty chair but, when I look around, I saw that there were plenty of vacant seats. What does this glorious man want with me? After all, it would only take one misplaced word for me to burst into tears. Everything is tender for me now; I have to get out of here.
